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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I? Flatmate beef

139 replies

AuntieJoyce · 19/09/2020 11:55

DD has been living with me during lockdown and has recently returned to her London shared flat (2 people). During the last 6 months there has been a change in the flatmate and new flatmate has had the place to herself for three months. DD has been paying her rent and half the bills throughout.

Now DD is back, things are kicking off and I have offered to get the MN opinion as she is not on MN. Sorry seem to have lost ability to set up voting (is this a premium thing now?)

DD is working three days in office, two days in flat whilst sitting in the living room. Flatmate has had a go at her as she can't hold patient calls whilst DD is working in the lounge and it is apparently unprofessional to hold these in her bedroom. So far so missing the irony of making DD work in her bedroom instead. DD has a few calls but both of us have worked comfortably in one room for 6 months, using headsets when we need to be confidential.

Today it has kicked off again. DD has an ensuite and pays £200 more than flatmate for her room because of this. Flatmate has use of house bathroom. DD used the flat bathroom today as she was in the middle of cleaning hers and needed to go.

Flatmate has now texted and asked her not to use "her bathroom". DD has pointed out respectfully that it is not "her bathroom" it is on the landing for both to use. Flatmate says "given yours is attached to your room there is no need to use the other one"

This isn't us is it? Grin

OP posts:
Lindtballsrock · 19/09/2020 12:32

I agree if there are two days a week that they both work from home they should each get the living room for one of those days.
If your daughter generally uses her own bathroom and not the main one then I think it would be polite though not legally required, to check with flatmate before using it.

katy1213 · 19/09/2020 12:33

Your. daughter is an adult and you should butt out.

ToastyCrumpet · 19/09/2020 12:37

The problem is the flatmate has had the place to herself for months and thinks of it all as her own. She’ll have to readjust her ideas.

FatGirlShrinking · 19/09/2020 12:38

They share the living room equally one day each.

I don't really understand why anyone would have a problem with someone using a toilet in a house they live in unless they left it a mess. So that's petty.

Grobagsforever · 19/09/2020 12:40

Just teach the flat mate how to set a background in her video calls!

LadyH846 · 19/09/2020 12:41

The flatmate is being totally unreasonable.

honeylulu · 19/09/2020 12:41

I agree it sounds like flat mate got used to having the flat to herself and is now getting territorial. Of course living room should be shared/turns taken.

On vid calls you can easily set a background if you want to hide the room itself. When I talk to clients I use a background that looks like I'm in the office, logo and all.

Your daughter is right about the bathroom too. If fm wants a private bathroom she needs to be paying equal rent. CF!

beexcellenttoeachother · 19/09/2020 12:41

Though technically your DD can use the main bathroom, why on earth would she in a 2 bath 2 person share? Rent should be evened up if there is a formal agreement about it. She should contribute to consumables and cleaning if she is going to insist on using the main one when it suits her. And re working in the lounge - share it, and blur /change the background for video calls in the bedrooms. The housemate has got used to having the place to herself so your DD could have been nicer about the changes to her situation - not worth falling out over.

cdtaylornats · 19/09/2020 12:51

Presumably your DDD is on the rota for cleaning the shared bathroom? if not then expecting to use it is unreasonable.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/09/2020 12:52

I think the flatmate is being very unreasonable and has got far to comfortable having the place to themselves.

Definitely even up the rent if she wants sole use of the main bathroom, in fact make it a bit more as it's likely to be bigger.

It's the flatmates responsibility to a ensure patient privacy, that means working in her bedroom with a background not claiming the shared space as her own. What happens on a day off, does your daughter have to stay in her room all day and not watch the TV or make a cup of tea?

MintyMabel · 19/09/2020 12:53

To answer question DD is lead tenant

That doesn’t give her any more right to use of the property than the other tenant.

She should remind her flat mate you can blur/change the background on calls, remember she has her own bathroom and doesn’t need to use the other one, work out how to live and play nice with other people.

It sounds like she is taking this “lead tenant” thing too far. If she can’t live with other people maybe living with mummy would be the best thing.

OhCaptain · 19/09/2020 12:54

Though technically your DD can use the main bathroom, why on earth would she in a 2 bath 2 person share?

Presumably because she needed to go to the toilet and she has as much right to use it as the other flatmate.

oakleaffy · 19/09/2020 12:56

@AuntieJoyce

Oh and she'd just stuck a load of bleach down the loo then needed a wee, hence using the other bathroom
It's only bleach...., flush wee/poo and bleach again. Bleach is best put in late at night for this reason.
Minimumstandard · 19/09/2020 12:56

Life's too short to live with people you don't get on with. How long does the lease have left to run. Rents are going down in central London atm.

zingally · 19/09/2020 12:57

Your DD shouldn't have used the bathroom. That's not on. She has the en-suite, and therefore the understanding is that the other is for the flatmate. Your DD is paying for the privacy of an en-suite, that's all.

CoronaIsWatching · 19/09/2020 12:57

Why can't DD work in her bedroom instead of hogging the living room. I think you DD is BU about that but the flatmate is BU about the bathroom

Hate flatshares

sleepyhead · 19/09/2020 12:58

The flatmate is being unreasonable. Ive been working from my bedroom for 6 months now and no-one would know if I was on a vc (and 3 of those months were spent literally working sitting on my bed before I got a desk).

She needs to up her Zoom or whatever game, use blurred or generic background settings or position her camera so she's against a plain wall.

Jeremyironseverything · 19/09/2020 12:59

Dd gets the lounge for two days or neither of them gets it. Theoretically neither should, as it is a communal space.

If then flatmate wants exclusive use of the bathroom then they pay equal rent, although if dd uses it then she should also be 50% responsible for cleaning it, so it might be in her interests to let that one go.

Houndabouttown · 19/09/2020 13:00

If she wants to use the other bathroom as well as her own (weird) then she needs to clean it. I don’t see why putting bleach in the loo means you can’t then use it?

Maybe a Rota for who uses the living room would help but I think if calling patients then really that should be done in the living room. I think your DD is being unreasonable.

vanillandhoney · 19/09/2020 13:03

@AuntieJoyce

Oh and she'd just stuck a load of bleach down the loo then needed a wee, hence using the other bathroom
Sorry, but what does that have to do with anything?

Just pee, flush, and chuck more bleach down surely?

Shedbuilder · 19/09/2020 13:05

I think YABU. The flatmate has had the whole place to herself for the time she's been living there. Now your daughter has returned and expects to dominate the living room — presumably turfing the flatmate out even though it sounds as if the flatmate has good reason to need to use the living room more than her.

When has putting some bleach down the loo meant that you couldn't take a pee in it? That's ridiculous. It sounds as if she's going out of her way to behave confrontationally. I'm reminded of dogs pissing to mark out territory. Yes, your daughter pays more to have private facilities just off her bedroom. If she also uses the main bathroom, is she on the rota to clean it?

Your daughter soundsentitled and frankly, that seems to have been reinforced by you. She's going to have to learn to share nicely. We're in unprecedentedly difficult times and there needs to be compromise.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 19/09/2020 13:05

Agree that other tenant is in the wrong. Your dd should ask if she would like to pay more rent in exchange for exclusive use of the communal bathroom. If not then she can do one. If I was your DD I'd also refuse to work in my bedroom do that flatmate could have exclusive use of the lounge. Flatmate is a cheeky fucker. Your dd needs to be more present in communal areas, so flatmate either leaves or adjusts her expectations.

Nottherealslimshady · 19/09/2020 13:05

If DD is sharing use of the main bathroom then she should also be sharing cleaning and cost of cleaning supplies for it too.
The living room is a shared space. Cant they both work from there at the same time? If not, they need a rota for fair use.

Viviennemary · 19/09/2020 13:06

I'd say your DD is the unreasonable one here I'm afraid. I don't think either one has the right to exclusive use of the lounge.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 19/09/2020 13:06

Also lead tenant means that you are the first person chased by landlord when things go wrong. Flatmate moved into an existing arrangement - it's on her to adjust, not the tenant who already lived there, whether home or not.

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