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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to send

35 replies

MilkMonitor · 08/10/2007 19:33

every single photo I have of my children to PIL? It's getting irritating, their continual asking. They're honestly obsessed with them.

I send them 10 or so every quarter already. I might send a different one to DH's granny and they're on the 'phone the next day, pestering me for the one I've sent her.

OP posts:
elescarybells · 08/10/2007 19:35

i would be thrilled if my pil asked for one photo

they must be the highlight of their lives, i think its sweet

Lulumama · 08/10/2007 19:37

set up an internet photo site on flickr, and the can look at every single pic of your DCs that you upload, and print the ones they want,

or send everyone the same prints.!

Original poster
MilkMonitor · 08/10/2007 19:51

Well, I think it's extreme. MIL doesn't think about anything else. When we see them it's like paparazzi. And every single surface in their downstairs is covered in photos. I find it weird and obsessive. I don't like it. What ever happened to moderation?

OP posts:
TheQueenOfQuotes · 08/10/2007 19:55

I think it's lovely - there are plenty of MN'ers children who either have no grandparents to "coo" over their photos, or have grandparents who aren't remotely interested.....

PillockInThePumpkin · 08/10/2007 19:58

yabu
ds1 has grandparents with more photos of the dog on display than of him
ds2 has grandparents who only have a photo from when he was 2 days old.

Original poster
MilkMonitor · 08/10/2007 20:07

So because there are gps out there who are at the other end of the spectrum, I should be happy about PIL being unhealthily obssesive?

SIL and I must be the most unreasonable women on the planet! We get tired of being pestered for photos when they've got hundreds, take hundreds and get lots from us too.

OP posts:
TheQueenOfQuotes · 08/10/2007 20:10

not just "other end" of the spectrum, some on here aren't fortunate enough to have PIL's alive to take an interest, or not.

I genuinely don't see what's "unhealthy" abou t wanting lots of photos of them. My parents have literally 10,000's of photos (not just of children I hasten to add ) at home.

And when they went to China on holiday for 3 weeks they took 60 rolls of film with them !

We're no where near that mad about them, but I don't see it as odd...

Original poster
MilkMonitor · 08/10/2007 20:16

Not sure I understand, QoQ. "10,000 photos but not just of children, I hasten to add"? My PIL only have and only want photos of their GPs. I think it's excessive and odd behaviour. My mum doesn't act this way. She's got a life.

I also think that just because some don't have PIL means that OTT behaviour from PIL who are still alive is acceptable.

OP posts:
TheDuchess · 08/10/2007 20:20

I guess I can see your point but in the general scheme of things wanting many photos of grandchildren isn't exactly bad, is it? It really just a bit irritating. Can't you just accept it and find something a little more unreasonable to get irritated over?

Original poster
MilkMonitor · 08/10/2007 20:21

I think what I'm trying to say is that I get irritated that PIL want to know every single detail of our lives, documented by photos. There's nothing I can keep for my own. I find them intrusive and obsessive.

OP posts:
Lawrene8 · 08/10/2007 20:24

Have to disagree with everyone else here - YANBU! My MIL is exactly the same. She asks all the time for this and that photo but guess what? When she takes any of ds she doesn't offer to give them to us. It's not unreasnable to want pics of your dc that only you have - well I don't think so cos that's what we've done.

LoveMyGirls · 08/10/2007 20:27

I would find the fact they have them plastered all over the house odd tbh but I'm not really the type of person to have millions of photos on show.

What does you dh say about it?

Original poster
MilkMonitor · 08/10/2007 20:32

He thinks it's odd too. But he's a peace keeper. He knows his mum doesn't have much to do even though she's a young grandman at 51.

I find it creepy that whenever we visit, there's photos of my DCs wherever I look downstairs.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 08/10/2007 20:34

My PIL are the same. Only DH and I are completely edited out of any pictures. It's like we don't exist. The only adults in any photos are the GPs.

Sometimes I think they'd rather they were the parents! Which is peculiar.

Aren't people peculiar?

TheQueenOfQuotes · 08/10/2007 20:40

well the only photos they have on display are of our DS's and my brother and I - the rest of filed carefully away either on the computer, on slides, or in boxes.

MaryBleedinShelley · 08/10/2007 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 08/10/2007 20:48

can see both sides tbh. I think it's great that your ILs are at least interested in your DC, tbh I don't think there is a middle ground, there seem to be parents/ILs who either don't care or care too much - there never seems to be just a healthy interest. But the providing of photo's constantly would irritate me a bit. What i would do is sign up to facebook or similar and get your ILs to do the same, then you can upload the photo's you're happy for them to have to there and restrict it that way.

ally90 · 08/10/2007 21:00

Milkmonitor...

I understand.

I don't think saying they have no life is harsh if that is what you feel and I do agree that something beyond the photos is creepy in the relationship.

Its like your dh has been erased. A better model has been found. And this one cannot say no.

That is creepy. Photos plastered everywhere is a symptom of the erasial of your dh (and you as the mother).

MeltingandScreamingIcarus · 08/10/2007 21:01

yanbu. Stalking by bonusprint lol!

Don't send the Grandma a diff photo next time.

Do they want all the details of your life as well or just the pics? How afar away do you live?

MeltingandScreamingIcarus · 08/10/2007 21:03

Do they put up pics of all of you together? Or just the kids?

FairyMum · 08/10/2007 21:09

Not knowing any other details about your life and relationship with your family, I would say you are unreasonable. My childrens grandparents are also obsessed with all their grand children and every little detail of their lives. I think its fantastic. Why can't you just send them the photos? I don't see the problem at all unless there is more to this.

Washersaurus · 08/10/2007 21:18

Hmmm if it bothers you this much then stop sending the photo's. Like someone else suggested you could just post them to Flickr for them to look at online.

You could also then just give them a few 'special' photographs as presents (y'know in a nice frame or something)...oh, and make sure each grandparent gets the same photo's.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 08/10/2007 21:26

I personally don't think it's fantastic or normal to be obssessed with every detail of someone else's life.

Your PIL sound OTT. Don't send different photos to close relatives. You can't be surprised that they're asking for these photos, knowing how bonkers they are about pix.

Send the pix in a while as part of your next photo package.

xXxamyxXx · 08/10/2007 21:28

yabu they only want photos not what id call an unhealthy obsession

WinkyWinkola · 08/10/2007 21:32

My uncle wants photos of my children all the time.