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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To continue my gym membership?

55 replies

hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 15:19

Me and my DH have just fallen out over me continuing with my gym membership which I pay for out of my savings every month. It’s my only paid hobby and I use it extensively. During lockdown I suspended it and moved to online classes. I exercise most days apart from the weekend. A couple of years I was poorly, over weight and spent most days sleeping due to ill health. I brought myself back from the brink by using diet and exercise and I need this for my mental health and well-being. It’s something I do when the kids are at school and I rarely call on him to “childcare” so that I can use the gym. I’m struggling to see what the issue is. It’s not taking up my weekends or any evenings and it keeps me well and functioning. AIBU?

OP posts:
Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 16/09/2020 15:32

YANBU.

ameliajoan · 16/09/2020 15:32

If you have separate finances and pay for it yourself then I don’t see the problem.

You haven’t mentioned his side of it. Why does he want you to cancel it?

bonjonbovi · 16/09/2020 15:33

Why does DP oppose?

Bettyboxer · 16/09/2020 15:34

YADNBU - please don’t cancel a gym membership that clearly has extremely positive physical and mental health benefits for you.

Does your DH have any hobbies out of interest?

Pipandmum · 16/09/2020 15:36

For one thing it's not 'childcare' it's called being a father.
You love it, you pay for it, you do it when it doesn't impact on him. What's the issue? He is being totally unreasonable.

Alarae · 16/09/2020 15:39

What is his issue? You pay for it, you use it while the kids are at school, you don't ask anything from him in order to use it...

Is he a disgruntled chubby man who doesn't like his wife getting 'hot' (sarcastic comment here- weight isn't the only attractive quality) and thinks she will run off with another man?

Ugh. I've just signed up to my local gym and my DH is nothing but supportive. If you going to the gym is not having any major impact on family life, he needs to get his nose out or take his nose (and the rest of him) to the sofa.

StarchyStanley · 16/09/2020 15:43

What? Why does he object to that?

Original poster
hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 15:45

I’m struggling to understand his anger. He threw his toys because they’d charged me during lockdown but they’ve refunded that money. His issue was that I’m running the online alongside my actual gym but, as I elaborated, online is “pay as you go”. If I don’t use, I don’t pay and there is zero commitment. My plan (as everything is different and it’s all unknown until I start using it again) is to try and reduce my online and start subbing in my actual gym. I pay a fixed monthly amount at the gym so (for example) if I do 3 gym classes per week that actually costs me the same as 2 online classes per week. That’s in addition to the fact that my instructor is “running down” her online presence in order to do more “in person” stuff. It’s not something I haven’t calculated carefully and it’s a membership that I’ve had running for a couple of years now successfully with little fuss or inconvenience to anyone. My children were also members but he’s not happy about the virus risk to them so I’ve cancelled their memberships fully. He did say it’s too far to travel but the location is one where I used to travel for work. It’s something I’ve done lots. It’s less than half hour. There are no viable local alternatives and surely that is a decision that’s mine to make? I’m using my car.

OP posts:
Original poster
hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 15:47

@Bettyboxer his hobbies are purely “at home”. I’ve never questioned any money he’s ever spent on anything. If he had a “weekend” hobby I would facilitate. I don’t care where he goes or when he goes (within normal human common sense).

OP posts:
tectonicplates · 16/09/2020 15:48

How much does the membership cost? Is it quite a basic one, or is it one of those expensive trendy gyms?

SavageBeauty73 · 16/09/2020 15:48

He sounds like a dick. Why on earth is he so het up about it?

Original poster
hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 15:49

All of the above aside, going makes me happy and I have very little else in my life apart from the children and facilitating their school and social lives.

OP posts:
timeforawine · 16/09/2020 15:49

He's being an idiot. Ignore him and carry on enjoying the gym, maybe he's jealous he lacks the same motivation

Original poster
hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 15:53

@tectonicplates it’s a nationwide standard gym. No spa included. No tennis. Going three times per week (which is my norm) works out (roughly) cheaper than me paying for two online classes per week. Regardless, I pay for no other hobbies. I live frugally. I spend little money on myself. Have only ever had one manicure in my life. Never had a facial and spend less than (on average) £200 per year on my hair. I buy my fitness gear second hand from eBay. My new trainers were second hand lucky find Nike for £10 off eBay. In addition, I use the money I have saved in my bank account.

OP posts:
Original poster
hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 15:54

All of the money I spend on my gym hobby comes from my own bank account. I’m not asking him to sub it or facilitate it.

OP posts:
jimmyjammy001 · 16/09/2020 16:15

I wish my Mrs's would go down the gym, I would quite happily pay for it as well! As I would be benefiting as well.

Original poster
hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 18:29

Thanks for all the comments

OP posts:
Havaiana · 16/09/2020 18:34

Please don't give up the gym x

MatildaTheCat · 16/09/2020 18:38

[quote hobbyhobby]@tectonicplates it’s a nationwide standard gym. No spa included. No tennis. Going three times per week (which is my norm) works out (roughly) cheaper than me paying for two online classes per week. Regardless, I pay for no other hobbies. I live frugally. I spend little money on myself. Have only ever had one manicure in my life. Never had a facial and spend less than (on average) £200 per year on my hair. I buy my fitness gear second hand from eBay. My new trainers were second hand lucky find Nike for £10 off eBay. In addition, I use the money I have saved in my bank account.[/quote]
You don’t have to justify yourself. You enjoy it, it works within your life and, as hobbies go, it’s a wholesome one. So continue.

He’s not the boss of you. Never forget that.

Original poster
hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 18:58

@MatildaTheCat thank you. I appreciate that. The issue I have is that he invariably enters “withdrawal” mode when this type of thing crops up. Unless I give in to his demands, he’ll stay away from me and the atmosphere is awful.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 16/09/2020 19:05

This is a thing for you that's inexpensive, causes him no inconvenience and keeps you happy and physically and mentally well.

Surely anyone would want that for someone they love. Especially as the parent to their children. It's really sad you have to fight him on this.

SummerHouse · 16/09/2020 19:07

[quote hobbyhobby]@MatildaTheCat thank you. I appreciate that. The issue I have is that he invariably enters “withdrawal” mode when this type of thing crops up. Unless I give in to his demands, he’ll stay away from me and the atmosphere is awful.[/quote]
God sorry OP. This is red flag territory. That's very classic of abusive behaviour as is his controlling response to the gym.

FunorFitness · 16/09/2020 19:11

My guess based on experience is that he is insecure about you being fit and active and running off with a hunky gym guy.

Does he do any exercise?

Keep going to the gym, it's good for you.

Original poster
hobbyhobby · 16/09/2020 20:02

He doesn’t do much to be honest

OP posts:
Havaiana · 16/09/2020 20:19

The issue I have is that he invariably enters “withdrawal” mode when this type of thing crops up. Unless I give in to his demands, he’ll stay away from me and the atmosphere is awful.

That withdrawal mode is silent treating/stone walling and it's emotional abusive. It is soul destroying OP. Please don't live with it.