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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take over bathroom in morning once a week?

154 replies

NearToCompletion · 15/09/2020 21:41

Feeling really cross but don't know if BU.

We only have 1 bathroom. Family of 4, 2 kids. I am very much the only female in a house of men. Every morning they take over the bathroom to shower, shave, do hair gel. I get up v early, brush my teeth then do all my makeup in my bedroom and leave them to it.

I do the Curly Girl Method for my very long, thick hair. Anyone who knows about it knows it isnt quick. Easily 20 mins in the shower, then a good 10 mins or so at least drying off after. I have to do it first thing so it has all day to dry properly before I sleep on it, then it lasts 3 days if needed. I would ideally wash it a bit more often, but don't because of the bathroom situ.

Tonight DH told me i need to be quicker in the bathroom on my 1 day (the other is a weekend and I do it a bit later) and get out so they can all get ready for school / work. I think it is very unfair that on just one day, I cant do what I need to in the bathroom. I already get up at 6.30 to be in there early and I certainly spend far less time in there than any of them...or most women I know!

AIBU?

OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 16/09/2020 10:29

Of course yabu. You can't think your preferred method of doing your hair comes before the need of the people you live with to get to work and school on time, especially when you're wfh and don't have the same pressures of schedule.

Thanks all. Some of these replies are terrifying tbh...I cannot believe in this day and age it could truly be suggested that a woman should compromise her identity (which long curly hair is a big part of!) to have a "drastically different hairstyle" just because she's a mother.

I find it a little more terrifying that you feel your identity rests so much on styling your hair a certain way, and that you think it is 'just because' you are a mother that people are suggesting your preferred routine is unreasonable.

it's also very clear most people have 0 clue what curly girl method involves but that's ok, i wouldn't expect you to. It honestly does take time.*

I know the CG method and yes, it can take time, but what it does not require is prolonged use of the sole bathroom in a house Hmm.

EDSGFC · 16/09/2020 10:32

We leave the house at 7.45

Then yes, you're unreasonable to hog the only bathroom for 20+ minutes when three other people then need to get ready to leave by 7.45. The sex of the people is irrelevant. 15 minutes each to wash, shave, brush teeth, use the toilet isn't enough in my opinion.

Starlight39 · 16/09/2020 10:33

I think the trouble is that they've all got used to just sharing the bathroom between 3 of them while you barely take any of the available time with your early quick tooth brush. If you average the time out over the week days, your one 20 minute session plus a few mins the other days is much less than their 10 mins a day.

I do the CG method too so totally understand about drying/washing time etc. Plus, even if you just wanted to take a long 20 min shower one morning a week, that should be OK as you take up barely any time the other days. I don't think you should have to justify your bathroom requirements or your hairstyle!

How about the one day during the week you need it, you have the bathroom 6.30-7am and the others can sort between themselves how they want to split the 7-7.45 time which should be enough time for your sons to have 10 mins each and your DH 15 mins. Whoever isn't in the bathroom has breakfast in PJs.

EDSGFC · 16/09/2020 10:36

I WFH

Sorry, why can't you just wait until everyone has left the house then to do your hair?

OldEvilOwl · 16/09/2020 10:42

Put your hair up a few times a week. What does it matter if your working from home anyway. Then do it properly when you have time

TheSoapyFrog · 16/09/2020 10:54

If the rest of the family starts using the bathroom from 7 and you get up at 6.30 and your hair takes 20 minutes and then 10 minutesto dry, surely that's enough time and you're out before they go in? I'm not sure where the problem is and why your DH thinks you're taking up too much time.

QueenPaws · 16/09/2020 10:56

@EDSGFC maybe she has to start at a certain time?

WildfirePonie · 16/09/2020 11:38

Do you need to do your hair if you're working from home? No one is going to see it anyway. I don't bother with my hair as I work from home and nobody is gonna see it. I also sometimes work in my pyjamas and then get a shower afterwards Grin

Original poster
NearToCompletion · 16/09/2020 11:43

Sounds lovely to be able to WFH in pyjamas! I'm on camera the majority of the day in meetings unfortunately and very much expected to look presentable.

OP posts:
honeygirlz · 16/09/2020 11:51

Are men expected to get ready during working hours so just women then?

Nikori · 16/09/2020 11:52

@NearToCompletion

Sounds lovely to be able to WFH in pyjamas! I'm on camera the majority of the day in meetings unfortunately and very much expected to look presentable.
With wet hair?
Original poster
NearToCompletion · 16/09/2020 11:57

@Nikori yes...well, with a cast, it looks pretty presentable - but that's why it takes so long to get it to that state that it looks ok. Just dry enough that it looks ok and not dripping, but still wet enough to air dry through the day with a nice curl. I clip the top sections for the morning to make it look nicer and scrunch / let it down throughout the day.

OP posts:
TheDuchessofMalfy · 16/09/2020 12:26

Ok so the boys just need to do hair and teeth - hair can be done in their rooms so that’s out the way.

DH needs to accept that you and he need equal access to the bathroom and it sounds like he is taking more than his fair share. I agree that you and he can be there at the same time.

I only have one bathroom, and live with Dd 11 and ds 6. We basically don’t lock the door, unless it’s Dd having a bath or shower as she’s obviously the one that needs privacy, although I appreciate that as ds gets older he’ll need that too.

If I’m in the bath they can decide if they mind seeing me or if they can wait!

Teeth can be done at the same time, and things like doing hair don’t need exclusive bathroom access.

EDSGFC · 16/09/2020 12:33

@honeygirlz

Are men expected to get ready during working hours so just women then?
Not suggesting that she should get ready during working hours, more just wondering if she has more flexibility to her schedule than someone who was leaving the house at 7.45 and not returning until 6pm.

If she, for example, is back from the school run by 8.15 and doesn't start work until 9 then maybe it's possible to wash her hair then, or if she takes a lunch break maybe then.

If it doesn't work in her schedule then fair enough but maybe it does?

Sirzy · 16/09/2020 12:41

@TheDuchessofMalfy

Ok so the boys just need to do hair and teeth - hair can be done in their rooms so that’s out the way.

DH needs to accept that you and he need equal access to the bathroom and it sounds like he is taking more than his fair share. I agree that you and he can be there at the same time.

I only have one bathroom, and live with Dd 11 and ds 6. We basically don’t lock the door, unless it’s Dd having a bath or shower as she’s obviously the one that needs privacy, although I appreciate that as ds gets older he’ll need that too.

If I’m in the bath they can decide if they mind seeing me or if they can wait!

Teeth can be done at the same time, and things like doing hair don’t need exclusive bathroom access.

The Op has said her husband and children only take about 10 minutes each. That’s not an unrealistic amount of time.

She has also said she doesn’t want to share the bathroom when she is in there.

But she has also found a solution for once a week when it’s an issue!

Iknowthingsthatwillhappen · 16/09/2020 17:39

I am more irritated that someone has named this the "Curly Girl Method" !!!!!!!!!!

Iknowthingsthatwillhappen · 16/09/2020 17:41

As a poster has suggested, how about someone using the kitchen sink?

jessstan2 · 17/09/2020 06:14

@Iknowthingsthatwillhappen

As a poster has suggested, how about someone using the kitchen sink?
Gross.
jessstan2 · 17/09/2020 06:16

I can't get over that the op only showers once during the week and once at weekends.

Suzi888 · 17/09/2020 06:24

YANBU
Tell them to gel hair in their bedrooms.
I’m more bemused by the CGM and the KY jellyHmm lol

Durgasarrow · 17/09/2020 06:27

Could you dry your hair in your bedroom?

Passthecake30 · 17/09/2020 07:20

Wash your hair at lunchtime? Do you have any flexibility with hours while wfh?

QueenPaws · 17/09/2020 12:47

@jessstan2 her hair... she said she showers in between
I wash my hair twice a week but shower every day!

Iknowthingsthatwillhappen · 17/09/2020 12:57

Why is it gross to use the kitchen sink? (genuine question). When I was little, our bath was in the kitchen (weird). We used to have to clear the pots off the the bath lid to have a bath (definitely weird!!) Grin. However it wouldn't bother me to attach a shower thingy to the sink tap. (I believe mobile hairdressers often use the kitchen sink)

Mosaic123 · 17/09/2020 13:05

If it lasts 3 days, perhaps you can do it at lunch time as you from home?

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