To take over bathroom in morning once a week?

[NearToCompletion]

Feeling really cross but don't know if BU.

We only have 1 bathroom. Family of 4, 2 kids. I am very much the only female in a house of men. Every morning they take over the bathroom to shower, shave, do hair gel. I get up v early, brush my teeth then do all my makeup in my bedroom and leave them to it.

I do the Curly Girl Method for my very long, thick hair. Anyone who knows about it knows it isnt quick. Easily 20 mins in the shower, then a good 10 mins or so at least drying off after. I have to do it first thing so it has all day to dry properly before I sleep on it, then it lasts 3 days if needed. I would ideally wash it a bit more often, but don't because of the bathroom situ.

Tonight DH told me i need to be quicker in the bathroom on my 1 day (the other is a weekend and I do it a bit later) and get out so they can all get ready for school / work. I think it is very unfair that on just one day, I cant do what I need to in the bathroom. I already get up at 6.30 to be in there early and I certainly spend far less time in there than any of them...or most women I know!

AIBU?

I cannot believe in this day and age it could truly be suggested that a woman should compromise her identity

To be honest, I can't believe that in this day and age it can seriously be suggested that a woman's identity lies in the way she does her hair.

In my family as a teen it was 10 mins per person in bathroom in the mornings.

I think getting up early is the answer, but I know it’s annoying because I pay a sleep tax for long thick curly hair too (I dry and straighten it but it takes bloody ages!)

I spend twenty minutes in the bathroom every day You're getting up at 6:30 I don't think that's too long at all, DH takes just as long, it's only on MN that everyone gets ready in seven minutes or less!

It's only one day of the working week that OP takes longer in the bathroom. On the the other four days she's already getting up early to get her bathroom stuff done so the bathroom is clear. What about putting a decent sized mirror and lighting in the laundry over the tub? That way, on that one inconvenient morning of the week, menfolk can be doing teeth and hair gel manoeuvres rather than gnashing teeth.

I do feel for you @NearToCompletion - I have lots of thick curly hair and it's time consuming. It's only me and DH at home though and seeing as I WFH, he has first dibs on the bathroom of a week morning whilst I feed the animals. By the time they're sorted he is done in the bathroom and it's my turn.

Why can’t everyone just do the essential bits in the bathroom? Showers don’t need to take more than 5 minutes usually (if you need longer, get up earlier), using the loo is another 5 minutes at most, brushing teeth is 2 minutes. Everything else can be done elsewhere. In fact I’d argue that you can brush your teeth at the kitchen sink in an emergency. Just allocated everyone a 15 minute slot on a rolling rota and crack on.

It’s one day a week, just get up earlier.

I'm with @Brighterthansunflowers - I don't see where the men/woman thing comes into this. OP keeps lumping the other three together as they're all men, but surely all four in this family are individuals and each needs X amount of times in the bathroom and because there's only one bathroom, it just needs proper planning. I suppose there's an argument that they can potentially pop in and out for wees etc when they're using the bathroom together whereas OP wants the room to herself, but beyond that I'd stop drawing this male/female divide, and I say that as the DW/DM in a house with DH and two DSs, but I don't see how it's really relevant here, especially not when it starts spiralling into 'a mother has to compromise her identity' blah. Just work together and make a bathroom rota.

Half an hour in the bathroom is too much when there are four of you to get ready for school so yes, YABU.

Can’t your sons use the bathroom together ?

@Caspianberg

With one bathroom there needs to be compromises and adjustments

Add mirrors to all bedrooms for any general hair styling. You can wash and condition in bathroom, but use bedroom to style. Same with all the hair gel going on by the boys. Hands can be washed after at kitchen sink

Also, can teeth be clean at kitchen sink? Get a second brush each so of bathroom is occupied teeth can be cleaned there instead

I would give out of fairness every member a 15 min morning slot to get ready in between 6.30-7.30am. If anyone wants longer they need to use in the evening or get up earlier

Gosh, I spend 15 minutes shitting of a morning. That'd be me unable to shower!

YANBU. Curly hair takes time and 20 minutes twice a week really isn’t that long.

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

I spend twenty minutes in the bathroom every day You're getting up at 6:30 I don't think that's too long at all, DH takes just as long, it's only on MN that everyone gets ready in seven minutes or less!

It is too long if there are 4 people needing one bathroom and they have to be out of the house by a specific time. It's not about being ready in "seven minutes or less" at all, it's about there not being enough available time.

@Nikori

I cannot believe in this day and age it could truly be suggested that a woman should compromise her identity (which long curly hair is a big part of!) to have a "drastically different hairstyle" just because she's a mother.

Honestly, if my husband wanted to hog the bathroom for so long once a week, I'd suggest a haircut. The morning is primetime. No one should be hogging it.

This quote is hilarious It's because you share your house with 3 other people. Whether you gave birth to them or not is irrelevant. Also, hair shouldn't be part of your identity. It really shouldn't.

Sorry I do think YABU, I know its once a week so why don't you get up earlier. If you won't allow your DH in with you whilst you shower, which is completely fair enough, but then you have to accept all the others need to use the bathroom. Their genders are irrelevant, they are entitled to use the bathroom alone as well. This isn't a male/female issue, it is your day which is causing the problem so then you need to compramise and get up slightly earlier.
I agree with the posters who've suggested a bathroom rota

I just can’t see the issue. It’s twenty mins. Presumably you use the bathroom every day. And other days you’re in there for at least five. If not ten mins. So it takes an extra ten to fifteen mins once a week. Just get up ten to fifteen mins earlier.

Clearly we are all assuming you don’t dry it off in there. Because that can be done any where. And when you say every day you just brush your teeth and leave them to it, you do actually shower most days, and don’t just shower once a week? So you must be in there for a few mins daily

All seems a bit of drama over nothing.

What on earth do 4 men do in the bathroom that takes so long? Shaving doesn't need doing every day and they could do it in the evening if they're that fussy. Hair gel can be done in front of any mirror elsewhere. Stand your ground OP.

Your DH is hardly "D" and rather sexist about this

Just 😂

Wow, what a thread!

The op already gets up at 6.30; are people suggesting she should arise half an hour before she goes to bed?

Please don't tell me you only shower once a week, op, we are not in the 1950s. Shower or bathe at night, wash hair; in the morning wash the necessaries or if you are 'sweaty' (most of us are in this weather in the morning), it takes no time at all to have a sponge down. I did note you put on make up and do your hair in your bedroom already.

How long do the 3 other people in the house spend in the bathroom each day? And how long do you spend on a normal day? Are you getting the dregs hence your annoyance?

Do you always get up early to use it and get out of the way? What does DH do during this time? Share the first slots with him and on your long day get up an extra 15 minutes early?

How do you expect your sons to; get ready, dressed, eat breakfast and off to school if YOU hog the bathroom? Doesnt matter if its one morning a week or one morning a month - It's not doable. You said so yourself; Four people and one bathroom. You've got no right to be cross. Your husband was pretty much correct - You can't hog the bathroom if everyone else needs to use it. Especially two young lads of school age

Boys going through puberty dont smell good.

Here's an idea; Get up an hour earlier to do your hair or do it the night before you need it done. Then everyone is happy

@LouiseTrees

Also the boys don’t need to shave or do hair gel in the bathroom. Maybe suggest this to them.

really? My boys and dh all wet shave Pretty essential to have the bathroom.

And hair gel also seems to involve water, combs, 2 mirrors to check back of the head, more gel, more water, some cursing and then loud sighs as they reluctantly run down stair with 'embarrassing hair' that looks exactly the same as every other morning.

YABU Anyone, no matter what sex or how precious their hair is, hogging the only bathroom for half an hour in the morning when everyone else is trying to get washed and dressed is too much.

Shaving doesn't need doing every day and they could do it in the evening if they're that fussy.

What????

Never heard of 5 o'clock shadow?
Some men shave 2 x oer day if going out in the evening.
My dh has soft red/blond hair and isn't particularly hairy. You really notice if he hasn't shaved, he looks like he has just fallen out of bed.

of course men shave every day. (Unless they are deliberately cultivating a bristle look, but that is different.)