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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take over bathroom in morning once a week?

154 replies

NearToCompletion · 15/09/2020 21:41

Feeling really cross but don't know if BU.

We only have 1 bathroom. Family of 4, 2 kids. I am very much the only female in a house of men. Every morning they take over the bathroom to shower, shave, do hair gel. I get up v early, brush my teeth then do all my makeup in my bedroom and leave them to it.

I do the Curly Girl Method for my very long, thick hair. Anyone who knows about it knows it isnt quick. Easily 20 mins in the shower, then a good 10 mins or so at least drying off after. I have to do it first thing so it has all day to dry properly before I sleep on it, then it lasts 3 days if needed. I would ideally wash it a bit more often, but don't because of the bathroom situ.

Tonight DH told me i need to be quicker in the bathroom on my 1 day (the other is a weekend and I do it a bit later) and get out so they can all get ready for school / work. I think it is very unfair that on just one day, I cant do what I need to in the bathroom. I already get up at 6.30 to be in there early and I certainly spend far less time in there than any of them...or most women I know!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Angelina82 · 16/09/2020 08:50

I just want to know what this cast that people speak of is?

honeygirlz · 16/09/2020 08:52

YANBU. Let them use the loo but send them downstairs to brush teeth.

RedRumTheHorse · 16/09/2020 08:54

YABU

I've lived in house shares of 4 adults with one bathroom and some of us have curly hair.

If you need to do your hair in the morning then you need to be the first up and make sure you are out of the bathroom before the rest need it.

The easiest solution we always came to is at least one person, normally one of men with short hair, would shower and shave at night.

Pinkywoo · 16/09/2020 08:55

A cast is when the products on your hair make it go crunchy and hard, then when it's dry you scrunch until soft.

Original poster
NearToCompletion · 16/09/2020 08:57

In case anyone missed my response earlier - I got up at 6am this morning to do it and think that will now be the solution. Having had it confirmed IBU, that is what needs to be done, but yes it is quite an early start! The rest of the week I'm already getting up earlier to be out of their way in the bathroom before they all start at 7. They usually take about 10 mins each in there, DH a bit longer maybe as he has a shower every morning. The DCs shower after school, they just take 10 mins brushing teeth and doing hair. The issue is really timing, they want to be doing it at the exact same time.

No, I don't wash my hair more than twice a week - no need with curly girl method. Yes, I do wash body if necessary in-between! But I do that at night, not during morning rush and without getting my hair wet.

I've already explained lots of times why I don't wash my hair at night, but people without my type of hair won't be able to comprehend that it just really doesn't work! I have, however, tried a diffuser again today and had slightly better results than previously so will keep practising. Part of the benefit of CGM is to get your hair into really good condition, so I do try to avoid heat blasting it, and also having crazy frizzy hair just isn't an option for work but if I can figure it out I'd be able to start doing it at night which would be a game changer.

For those thinking the comments about hair being part of identity are ridiculous....it's the CHOICE more than anything. I don't have my hair a certain way for anyone else but me, but it's very much a certain style that makes me feel good. And hair can be part of cultural and heritage identity too, don't forget that not just vanity and aesthetics. I love it and do not feel I should "have" to cut it short (or be obliged to do so, to make life easier for my family as was suggested) just because I'm a busy mother. If that means getting up stupid early and learning new ways to dry it, so be it.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 16/09/2020 08:57

Surely everyone gets a 15 minute slot between 6.30 and 7.30 (on a rota basis if necessary) and then anyone who wants longer than their 15 minutes gets up earlier. That way everyone can be ready in time for the 7.45 leave the house?

crazytapirlady · 16/09/2020 08:57

I’m sure everyone haughtily commenting that it’s RIDICULOUS that a hairstyle could be important to a person are all rocking a slaphead look. Taking pride in your hair?! What’s next, ironing your clothes? Wearing deodorant?!?! Bloody women.

youdidask · 16/09/2020 09:02

They can shave in the evening surely?

littlemsattitude · 16/09/2020 09:07

@youdidask

They can shave in the evening surely?
Not unless they want to go out unshaven in the morning.
RiftGibbon · 16/09/2020 09:08

I've only read p1 so far but all the suggestions imply OP get up earlier. Why don't other household members get up earlier?

northbacchus · 16/09/2020 09:34

YANBU, but you could get up earlier on your wash day! Have you tried wetting your hair with water spray to refresh it? That usually works well for midweek for myself

jessstan2 · 16/09/2020 09:51

@youdidask

They can shave in the evening surely?
A lot of chaps would have five o'clock shadow by morning, many have to shave twice a day. They can however have a dry shave with an electric razor in front of the mirror in their bedroom.
Sirzy · 16/09/2020 09:53

But they may not want to dry shave and why should they just do one member of the household can have an extended time in the bathroom?

The op has already admitted that the best answer is the earlier shower for her

Nikori · 16/09/2020 09:54

@RiftGibbon

I've only read p1 so far but all the suggestions imply OP get up earlier. Why don't other household members get up earlier?
Because they are only using the bathroom for 10 minutes.

OP, I have long, thick, curly hair, but I wash it in the evening. If I wash my hair at 7pm, then it is dry by the time I go to bed. I don't really understand how your hair can dry in the morning in time for going to work, but not in the evening, but anyway it seems like you have found a solution. You can't really expect your kids to go to school without brushing their teeth or your husband without taking a shower.

steppemum · 16/09/2020 10:00

@youdidask

They can shave in the evening surely?
again, have you never heard of 5 o'clock shadow?

Who are all these men who can shave the day before and still look shaven?

Original poster
NearToCompletion · 16/09/2020 10:05

@Nikori it doesn't dry any faster in the morning...I WFH, so if done first thing it's pretty much dry (well, only slightly damp underneath) by bedtime.

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 16/09/2020 10:06

I know putting an extra bathroom in is unrealistic...but is there any way you could get someone to install a sink in any of the rooms next to the bathroom? Someone could at least do their teeth / shave there and free up the bathroom a bit

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/09/2020 10:09

We leave the house at 7.45 and need breakfast etc

Why are you leaving the house at 7.45 if you WFH? Can't you send them all off at that time then go do your thing then? If they are old enough to shave they are old enough to get themselves to school.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2020 10:12

I don’t understand why you get up at six to use the bathroom for twenty mins before they use it at seven? Surely you only need to get up at 6.40.

And if you work from home can’t you do it after they have finished?

Honestly it’s very difficult to understand this. Getting up at six indicates you use the bathroom for an hour. Not th twenty mins you stated.

Nikori · 16/09/2020 10:20

[quote NearToCompletion]@Nikori it doesn't dry any faster in the morning...I WFH, so if done first thing it's pretty much dry (well, only slightly damp underneath) by bedtime. [/quote]
Ok, I understand, so I'm going to leave it there. It all seems a little complicated.

mrsm43s · 16/09/2020 10:20

@RiftGibbon

I've only read p1 so far but all the suggestions imply OP get up earlier. Why don't other household members get up earlier?
Because OP is the one who wants more than her fair share of time in the bathroom on that day, so it is she who should be inconvenienced.
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 16/09/2020 10:21

Also if you WFH could you do it after everyone else eg take a break mid morning and have a shorter lunch or something?

seayork2020 · 16/09/2020 10:22

Op if this is something you have done since you were born (well as child anyway) so it was something you did before you got married and had kids then your plans and those of your family and the hair cultural heritage thing and other hair labels you need would have always been there but i am under the impression this is some new thing you are doing therefore I do not think the others you live with have to change their routines for it

Original poster
NearToCompletion · 16/09/2020 10:25

Ha ok to explain the full intricacies of the routine as that seems essential....not all kids shave, only DH. Kids do hairstyles and teeth. DH shaves and showers. Yes I WFH but my work hours begin at 8 (and I also sometimes do schoolrun before work). Those saying to do it when they all leave....erm, WFH doesn't mean I can be doing my hair during work hours! And no, I never said it only takes me 20 mins. I said the shower part takes 20 mins then drying can be another 10 "at least". As those who do this know, that involves a lot of extra water, mousse, gel which goes all over everywhere so doing it in a bedroom not ideal.

However - all this fairly irrelevant as the solution seems to be getting up much earlier, which I'm now doing...and also hopefully mastering the diffuser so I can dry it quicker.

OP posts:
MangoFeverDream · 16/09/2020 10:25

I have crazy shiny hair, waves, ringlets, non greasy hair. My secret was to stop using many products, stop blow drying, styling, stop washing so much. Now every five or six days I use a simple shampoo, conditioner only put on ends

Well good for you. Not everyone has such luck with their hair. What works for you isn’t going to work for someone else, etc etc

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