To take over bathroom in morning once a week?

[NearToCompletion]

Feeling really cross but don't know if BU.

We only have 1 bathroom. Family of 4, 2 kids. I am very much the only female in a house of men. Every morning they take over the bathroom to shower, shave, do hair gel. I get up v early, brush my teeth then do all my makeup in my bedroom and leave them to it.

I do the Curly Girl Method for my very long, thick hair. Anyone who knows about it knows it isnt quick. Easily 20 mins in the shower, then a good 10 mins or so at least drying off after. I have to do it first thing so it has all day to dry properly before I sleep on it, then it lasts 3 days if needed. I would ideally wash it a bit more often, but don't because of the bathroom situ.

Tonight DH told me i need to be quicker in the bathroom on my 1 day (the other is a weekend and I do it a bit later) and get out so they can all get ready for school / work. I think it is very unfair that on just one day, I cant do what I need to in the bathroom. I already get up at 6.30 to be in there early and I certainly spend far less time in there than any of them...or most women I know!

AIBU?

Because she is the one who is changing the normal routine on that day. Why should others have to get up earlier because she chooses to spend longer in the bathroom that day?

I didn't realise bathroom routines were set in stone, never to be changed, even if it doesn't always work for one adult in the family. Interesting news.

As others are saying, get up earlier if you want to do a time consuming bathroom routine. If the routine works well for the family aside from your haircare days then it's on you to make sure the haircare doesn't disrupt everyone else.

Can you build another shower room somewhere or at least a second toilet and wash basins in bedrooms. That would help a lot.

What are you actually doing in there though? Once you're out of the shower I mean. If the time consuming part just involves a sink and a mirror, could you just get a mirror on a stand and then decamp to the kitchen for that part?

Can't you wash it in the evening during the week? I must admit that's what I do.

I would buy them all a mirror (including youself) and hair gel and tell them to do this in their bedrooms . You'd be better off doing your hair in the evenings, if it takes 3 hours.

Shaving and showering can be done in the evening

I cannot believe in this day and age it could truly be suggested that a woman should compromise her identity (which long curly hair is a big part of!) to have a "drastically different hairstyle" just because she's a mother.

😄

I'll be honest, I think the issue is as much the small bathroom means you don't want to share which is the problem.

The solution really is for someone to be using the sink while you are using the shower. Once you've showered, that's your time in the bathroom for teeth etc and your hair can be done at a mirror in your bedroom. Everyone else does their hair in their room as well - they can take a towel or damp flannel to wipe off gel. Everyone else can share sink time with someone who is showering as well.

It's give and take on all sides which is needed.

What the heck is needing extra time to do hair got anything to do with identity?

is this a new label thing?

With one bathroom there needs to be compromises and adjustments

Add mirrors to all bedrooms for any general hair styling. You can wash and condition in bathroom, but use bedroom to style. Same with all the hair gel going on by the boys. Hands can be washed after at kitchen sink

Also, can teeth be clean at kitchen sink? Get a second brush each so of bathroom is occupied teeth can be cleaned there instead

I would give out of fairness every member a 15 min morning slot to get ready in between 6.30-7.30am. If anyone wants longer they need to use in the evening or get up earlier

I cannot believe in this day and age it could truly be suggested that a woman should compromise her identity (which long curly hair is a big part of!) to have a "drastically different hairstyle" just because she's a mother.

Honestly, if my husband wanted to hog the bathroom for so long once a week, I'd suggest a haircut. The morning is primetime. No one should be hogging it.

@Ginfordinner

The OP said...

I get up v early, brush my teeth then do all my makeup in my bedroom and leave them to it

I'm sure she'd have mentioned her shower if that was the case. That's why I asked the OP

I have no idea what the curly girl method entails but could you use the kitchen sink? You could get one of those pull down spray taps installed. They’re max. £100 for one of the cheaper ones.

If this is the only bathroom in the house, and everyone prefers to shower in the morning rather than the evening, that's a very small space of time you're all expecting to get fully bladder and bowel evacuated, washed and quite significantly groomed in.

Inevitably they're going to see it as your fault if it works ok on the other days: it will look like you're the one throwing the spanner in the works. And one person taking half an hour on any day when there's not much time is a lot. From the timeframes given, it seems nobody else takes that long on any given morning.

However, I think what your household would all benefit from is more of the morning routine happening outside the bathroom. Hair gelling should take place in bedrooms: if there aren't good sized mirrors in all bedrooms now, get them. If they want to shave make them grow beards! that doesn't necessarily have to be done in the morning. You could also get another set of toothbrushes for the kitchen so it's an option to clean teeth there too. If this still isn't enough time, then someone is going to have to get up earlier on your one hair day, whether that's always you or you decide on a rota.

I cannot believe in this day and age it could truly be suggested that a woman should compromise her identity (which long curly hair is a big part of!) to have a "drastically different hairstyle" just because she's a mother.
If you need 30 minutes in the morning, everybody else would have the same right. That makes 4 people hogging the bathroom for 30 minutes twice a week, so at least at one day a week 1 hour for 2 people. Its just not possible. Something has to give. Either you need more bathrooms, shorten your routine, or do at least some of your routine outside (which is very possible).
Also, from own experience, it doesn’t need a drastically different haircut. 10inch off make a massive difference in terms of maintenance for long thick hair (actually, a really short style is an absolute pain with thick hair, for me i found halfway down my back is the optimum of relatively low maintenance and looks). It does need some flexibility from your side though!

[quote MJMG2015]@Ginfordinner

The OP said...

I get up v early, brush my teeth then do all my makeup in my bedroom and leave them to it

I'm sure she'd have mentioned her shower if that was the case. That's why I asked the OP[/quote]
Why are you trying to pick holes and be rude? How do you know the Op doesn’t shower before bed? Suggesting the Op doesn’t shower by over analysing every word is just ridiculous. Get a hobby! She’s discussing hair washing... not everyone washes their hair every single time they have a wash.

but if they need the bathroom, they need it I suppose.

That's the crux of it really. Unfortunately, with only one bathroom and a deadline of when you all have to leave by, no one can hog it. The person who needs to be in there for ages is the one who has to get up early to do it and unfortunately this is you. The fact that the others are all men is irrelevant so any accusations of sexism are a bit daft.

It doesn't matter that you're doing the curly girl hair method, what you're doing to style your hair or whether you're taking half an hour to have a leisurely shower.

Mornings are prime bathroom time and everyone needs to be up, washed and ready. It's inconsiderate of anyone in a family to hog the bathroom on a morning.

Get up earlier or allow them in for wees, teeth etc while you shower.

Unless dh gets up earlier and showers before you, then goes downstairs to sort breakfast while you shower?

There are 4 of you needing one space by a finite time, something has to give.

I think the reason for the difference in thinking here is that some people, inc DH, are only looking at the amount of time OP spends in the bathroom on the relevant morning, ie more than the rest of the household. Whereas OP looks at it across the week as a whole, ie less than the rest of the household. There's less time available for them on hair day because of OP, but there's more time available for them on the other 4 days, again because of OP.

I know you said there's not an option for another bathroom but what about a sink in the two boys rooms? Then they can brush teeth, shave and do their hair in their room rather than hogging the bathroom mirror. When I was at uni we all had sinks and it was so handy, and stopped queues for the bathroom!

So on the days you don’t need to do your hair what time are the ‘men’ starting to use the bathroom at?

So here's the thing OP. On your 'one day' what do you expect to happen? Someone reaches work/ school late because your hair needs to get done? When many people need to get out the door in that limited time, then everyone needs to share work, share resources, share time, share the bathroom.
It's not about being a woman, being a mother or having an identity FFS. It's about being part of a team. Everyone cooperates and makes it work. You are being completely selfish. Lots of suggestions upthread.

It’s unfair that you’re always getting up early every weekday and the boys/men taking the ‘prime’ slots.

Everyone should get a morning time slot of 15 mins, except yours which should be 20 mins (you said the shower bit took 20 mins, the rest could be done outside the bathroom). And take turns for the early slot.