Parents of toddlers with eating disorders...

[OR101]

Probably the wrong place to post but looking for advice please.

My baby is nearly 2, since around 9 months, problems with food started to occur, such as completely dropped a meal time, refused to try any new foods since 9 months old. Only eats one brand of dinner (think shepards pie, cow and Gate brand, wouldn't eat shepards pie tesco brand) refuses any thing home made. No fruit, cheese, ham. Won't eat chips, pasta, chicken, veg, just basically anything.

Has porridge for breakfast,
Stopped eating lunch, will eat wotsits, so I offer that now because I don't like that nothing is being consumed from morning till night. I used to put all finger foods out. Which was eaten until 9 months.
And the one brand of dinner.

When I try to speak to people in real life, I get comments such as yeah baby's can be fussy, but just in my gut feeling it's more than just fussy. If anyone has had any thing similar with their LO, did it turn out to be an eating disorder? Is there any tips i could try? Even though I feel like I've tried everything. I am willing to try more.

Just a side note all other aspects of general development seem ok to me.

Thank you in advance x

This is probably at one end of the fussy eating spectrum, but there is a lot of information out there. Look up ARFID, and maybe talk to your GP for a contact.

I’m not sure what is available where you are, but food can be about control, it can be sensory, and is often made worse by the powerlessness for the parent.

I would continue to feed him the one food, but meanwhile always putting out other finger foods, even just strips of bread, cake, fruit, veggies, etc. Doens’t have to be a buffet, literally a couple of small pieces of each.

I saw a very effective thing on tv the other day where they just used the food to make pictures on a plate. No attempt to eat it, just used it as a play medium, like play dough or something. Older children, but it took the pressure off and worked really well.

Good luck.

Lots of children with autism have huge sensory problems with food. Does DC have any other traits?

What you describe is not the fussiness I would associate with small children. It is concerning.

I knew a child who was very fussy with food - eg would only eat the correct brand of chicken nugget and would rather starve than eat something that wasn’t right. She had some psychological input and it improved. Her mum thought it might have been linked to being intubated when she was a baby. Things got much better for them as a family.

@lborgia Thank you for your advice, i hadn't actually heard of ARFID before, I just had quick look online, and will look more into that. And will still keep going with having other foods as an option. I do notice that finger food i leave out, gets organised in to either piles or lines and counted. 1-10. Thank you.

@TestingTestingWonTooFree
Thank you, it's not ideal but it's actually a relief to hear someone else say its concerning, I mean its hard to say really but I would say no I don't think there is any other traits. And yes, also the same in the fact that if that certain dinner isn't available, then nothing would be eaten. I think the best thing to do is contact the doctor or health visitor, because it doesn't feel right, the only good thing is that somehow, I don't know how but doesn't look like any weight loss has happened. But nutritionally can't be getting nearly enough. Glad that family had a happy ending x

Can a toddler have an eating disorder? My understanding of them is that there are significant psychological factors that cause rise to them, surely a toddler wouldn't have that level of self awareness. I don't think it sounds particular unusual as for some, eating is about surviving at that age and not about enjoyment. I don't think you should worry.

@Goldenbear I do understand your view point because that was how I was thinking when this 1st started becoming a problem. But a 2 year old, having porridge for breakfast, and dinner that's designed for a 10 month old baby, can't be right. I think you are right when you say to them food is about survival, but my child would rather go hungry than eat anything other. I can't help but worry.

Have you asked to be referred to a dietician op? Your heath visitor or GP can refer you.

@catnoir1 Hi, not yet i haven't, as I've been trying different things and waiting to see if things improved whilst reaching different milestones but I'm just starting to lose hope with the things I've been trying. But that is my next step.

Ok, well I wasn't going to specifically mention autism, but yes, especially with the way he organises food, I would say this reminds me very strongly of my brothers and my son, who are autistic.

Nothing wrong with lining things up btw!

If you start looking at neuro diversity, you might find that it helps in future conversations with gp/ whoever. You've plenty of time, but the more you learn, the less of a jolt if you end up getting a diagnosis. Most importantly, it means you can parent in the way that most helps your child.

My children have tried to be fussy at certain times. To me it’s a sign they aren’t that hungry. So I don’t serve them anything else. I’ll serve them the same thing reheated the next morning for breakfast and if it’s not touched I’ll serve it again for lunch. At some point they seem to change their minds and happily eat what I put in front of them.
Last night my 22 month old and 3.5 year old refused to eat the casserole I put in front of them. They went to bed without anything else and were both served it for breakfast. The eldest ate it and the youngest threw a tantrum for a banana. He didn’t get the banana and so after an half an hour he changed his mind and indicated he wanted to go back in his high chair for the casserole. Which he then ate the lot of quite happily.

@lborgia, haha no, nothing wrong at all. And honestly, in the last year and a bit autism has crossed my mind. I have done research, trying to find an answer because that's exactly it, I need an answer so I can be what he needs me to be, so I can understand and adapt to what's best for him. In my gut this isn't just fussiness, this is my second, so I have been there with fussy, this is different. This isn't i just don't want to eat that, it's like to the point where he knows I'm giving him a different brand of baby food, even though its the same dinner. Dinner is the hardest, he used to swallow around certain bits in the dinner and then hand me a chunk of potato or carrot. Thank you for the information to look up, I will read up on that, I'm going to get in contact with someone tomorrow.

I sympathise, OP. It sounds like it's not the same as my toddler struggles with textures whereas the preference for particular brands makes me think that yours is more focused on flavour. Ours had severe reflux and a very strong gag reflex (so vomited up lots of undigested food if there was a slight cough / gag during the meal), which appears to have finally resolved. The legacy of the reflux and gagging caused severe reluctance to try any unfamiliar textures or even just to vary textures.

I just try to focus on the good meals - those where something new, different, or just wholesome is eaten - and try and not get discouraged by the bad meals. I'll admit it's pretty demoralising, but you have to keep trying, including the same foods over and over just in case it's a good day and it gets randomly eaten - even if it's rejected again and again the next few times you try it. That's one key piece of advice I'd give - don't give up on rejected food.

I also try and eat the exact same thing as my toddler - sometimes the meal on my plate is more attractive and will get eaten (even if just a little) when the meal on their plate gets rejected.

For some the following might be bad parenting advice, but I also decide on the location of the meal / snack based on how the day is going. If it's not going well and little has been consumed, I'll try a snack / meal in front of the TV as it removes some of the stress of sitting at the table with food refusal.

I've also been known to use soft toys as competition for the food. Eg, I ask 'Can bear try some?' gently move bear towards the food and, at least sometimes, my toddler will have a little bit to 'stop' the cuddly toy having some. They think it's funny, like they've tricked the cuddly toy. Again, perhaps bad parenting, but with eating issues I find you do what you've got to do to get at least some nutrients in in a way that doesn't add to the stress or pressure of the situation and make things worse.

Yes @theboldtype there’s always someone who has an iron will and therefore not fussy children to make everyone else feel like a terrible mother 🙄

OP I have a particular child with food but as a PP said it didn’t kick in until she was about 20months which I think is a fairly “normal” age to experiment with fussiness over food as it is linked to them realising they can exert control over that one area of their lives but your D.C. being so particular from a very tiny age does raise red flags. I have no experience or really knowledge but could def be a major sensory issue which doesn’t necessarily need to be just texture but taste as well. I don’t know the processes but want to wish you good luck, and you should trust your instinct that it’s worth seeing if something else is going on

I have a very fussy two year old as well. You have probably tried these things but what sometimes works for us is letting her watch TV while feeding so I spoon it in while she is engrossed and she will sometimes eat it without thinking. If you start with the shepherds pie he likes then he might not notice if you change it.

The other thing I do is create a tea party with her toys on the floor where she goes around offering her fork with dinner on to the toys then she eats it the end. In both of these situations I don't say anything at all to do with getting her to eat just engage in the play and get the toys to ask for more but never ask her to try some or she won't. Probably not the best tips for long term but anything to get some food into them.
There is a supernanny video on youtube about fussy eaters although the kids were older it had some good tips. Good luck

This does sound very extreme. I would contact your health visitor. Keep a food diary to show them before the appointment

My daughter was like this at a similar age, although her repertoire was extended to maybe 4-5 different foods like sausages and pasta (plain) and also bread. Nothing wet, slimy or strongly flavoured. Every meal was the same, or a variation on the same. She would physically vomit if I forced her to try something and this went on until she was about 6. I worked extensively with my health visitor to extend her range and eventually she would include a few more things. ARFID only came to my attention last year (she's 16 now and is still very limited about what she eats). I was told by family members and friends galore that she was spoilt and that the problem was mine because I obviously indulged her (no chance). She was diagnosed as high functioning autistic last year, which makes sense of allll of it. I wish I had know because food became a battle ground in which I felt like I constantly lost. It should never have been like that and I could have avoided some of the criticism and guilt I experienced had I known. But more importantly I could have avoided how distressed she became when I practically forced her to eat things that obviously made her distressed. I feel horrible about it now. Hope this helps a bit because I totally understand how terrible it is. I then had No2 child who ate everything and the contrast was even higher. It's incredibly difficult.

Theboldtype if you do that that is really cruel :(

If you were served something you didnt like (in my case snails/shellfish ) to serve it againnat the next meal is just mean. Please don't do this. There was nothing wrong with giving your child a banana. Pleade talk to your health visitor or read up a bit on infant feeding. There's ways to increass what they eat@ but to keep reservinv food they dont like isn't it.

@theboldtype that doesn’t even sound safe to reheat a meal 3 times and you sound controlling to the extreme. I feel sorry for your kids.

@theboldtype

My children have tried to be fussy at certain times. To me it’s a sign they aren’t that hungry. So I don’t serve them anything else. I’ll serve them the same thing reheated the next morning for breakfast and if it’s not touched I’ll serve it again for lunch. At some point they seem to change their minds and happily eat what I put in front of them. Last night my 22 month old and 3.5 year old refused to eat the casserole I put in front of them. They went to bed without anything else and were both served it for breakfast. The eldest ate it and the youngest threw a tantrum for a banana. He didn’t get the banana and so after an half an hour he changed his mind and indicated he wanted to go back in his high chair for the casserole. Which he then ate the lot of quite happily.

Enjoy that smugness now, it'll bite you in the arse later. My parents were the same and they set me up for a lifetime of eating disorders and food anxiety.

My DS was a bit similar. His food issues stated around 13 months old when he would just refuse dinners and threw a huge tantrum if it wasn't what he was wanting / expecting. He did eat things like toast, sandwiches cereal and fruit and yogurt though but they was about it for a while. I found it incredibly stressful and felt a bit judged at times that he wouldn't just eat. I was amazed at other toddlers picking up pasta and scoffing everything they were given. He is 8 now and while it is better it is by no means normal. He really struggles to try new food, it's as if he's afraid it will harm him in some way! I think that he is a highly sensitive, to taste and texture but also to labels , clothing, things like that. I found not making it into a battle reduced my stress levels and we tried to introduce new foods slowly but his diet is always a bit limited though he does eat fruit and some veg but I don't enjoy taking him to friends' houses for dinner. One thing that may help as he gets older is to have him help prepare the food, I didn't do that enough but I wish I had as it seems to help a little. He is getting a little braver and will now sometimes take small bits of a new food, and then usually leave it!

Also he has a sibling and my experience with her has been totally different, she will try new foods and eats a much wider variety of food, she has no innate issue with it so I know it can't just be my parenting 😂. And now I know what 'normal' looks like and how much easier it is. She has had 'fussy' moments but absolutely nothing like my DS and much easier to deal with.

I don't think what you are describing is normal toddler fussiness, none of my friends with sane age kids had anything like the issues we had with DS and I felt very alone at times. He has no other traits for ASD, so it's not that.

Advice like the @theboldtypes is not helpful, it's just creating massive battles around food which is not good long term. And I feel v sorry for her kids.

I agree with Cider Jolly Your poor children........... :(

@theboldtype that’s insane and boarders on emotional abuse in my opinion.

@OR101 how is he with messy play? There is a very strong link between food issues and messy play/ getting messy.

Have you spoken to GP/HV? Might be worth a chat to them. They may be able to refer to dietician/paediatrician.

I have an almost 2 year old who is similar although with eat a few extra things, Heinz cottage pie or spaghetti Bol, chicken nuggets, garlic bread, toast, croissants, grapes and bananas.. and that is it. He'll go through stages of refusing things he likes.
I've tried everything.. he won't even touch new foods. Won't pick them up or play with them. Just pushes them away, he hates even having them on his tray. Some days I can barely get him to eat anything.
I have seen HV, GP and dietician (we were already under her for allergies) but none were concerned and said they wouldn't be until after 2.. I've just had my second baby and mentioned it again to the HV on her visit last week and she said not to be concerned because when I wean baby it will encourage him but baby is literally couple of weeks old so we're way off that!
I have no advice at all but you aren't alone.. it's so frustrating and worrying.. it really bothers me that he doesn't have a healthy diet and I worry of the effects but there is literally nothing I can do.

There’s a group on FB called ‘mealtime hostage, the group’

There’s lots of people suffering this on there and it’s packed full of ideas to help them along their food journey, with lots of success stories too.

Good luck op, it’s awful isn’t it. But you’re not alone!

Sorry my post came across as smug! And yes I do know everything might change and this approach might not work for my kids in the future.
I don’t force feed my children and they don’t have to sit at the table if they don’t want to eat what gets served. TBF I’ve only ever reheated a meal twice once for my eldest, and reheating even the once for breakfast is not something that I do often.
But both refused to even try dinner last night so it did get saved for them.
The OP seemed concerned and this is just a strategy that’s worked for me.
I don’t think serving up leftovers is abusive.
If I can see they have made an effort with dinner I don’t save it.

Does he eat if someone else feeds him? Can you invite him in the kitchen and ask him to help you make the food or choose what he wants?

You sound really caring how stressful for you x