Parents of toddlers with eating disorders...

[OR101]

Probably the wrong place to post but looking for advice please.

My baby is nearly 2, since around 9 months, problems with food started to occur, such as completely dropped a meal time, refused to try any new foods since 9 months old. Only eats one brand of dinner (think shepards pie, cow and Gate brand, wouldn't eat shepards pie tesco brand) refuses any thing home made. No fruit, cheese, ham. Won't eat chips, pasta, chicken, veg, just basically anything.

Has porridge for breakfast,
Stopped eating lunch, will eat wotsits, so I offer that now because I don't like that nothing is being consumed from morning till night. I used to put all finger foods out. Which was eaten until 9 months.
And the one brand of dinner.

When I try to speak to people in real life, I get comments such as yeah baby's can be fussy, but just in my gut feeling it's more than just fussy. If anyone has had any thing similar with their LO, did it turn out to be an eating disorder? Is there any tips i could try? Even though I feel like I've tried everything. I am willing to try more.

Just a side note all other aspects of general development seem ok to me.

Thank you in advance x

OP you need a referral to a community or developmental paediatrician for an assessment of your child's difficulties, and some professional advice.

OP do you eat with your DD?

I would try having her eat exactly what you and the family eat and just giving her small portions. Then she’ll see that what you’re all eating is “normal” and young kids like to copy people around them (obviously that wouldn’t work if there are genuine sensory issues but worth a shot)

I have two fussy kids. They would find any excuse not to eat what was put in front of them.

We started serving everything up in the middle family style and letting everyone pick the bits they wanted to eat. Suddenly once the pressure of a played meal was off, they actually enjoyed food again and tried bits and bobs.

Now they’ll eat most things but even as teenagers we still do family style food to avoid the drama.

Worked for us, and it was a double nightmare because the fussy eaters are twins and fed off each other’s anxieties, you could literally see them eyeballing each other to check for their reaction to food and if it was negative they’d just refuse to eat and cry!

Nightmare but it did get better with the above!

Watching with interest. I’m in similar situation with my LO

PineappleUpsideDownCake, omg, I totally get you, re touching food. My ds can have food if it's not touching others. And it was difficult to know why, until he was able to tell us what's bothering him.

@SleepingStandingUp
I haven't had him weighed in a while due to everything that's been going on, but to the eye there is no weight loss, which I can't understand. He was always good with milk, but he was a very sicky baby. He now has one bottle of cows milk in the morning, and one at night. Plus drinks water through out the day.

Oh I missed out the main thing I meant to say. Absolutely, like others have said, ask for a referal. I was going there when I said about the HV, don't be fobbed off with "have you tried playing with the food/offering a variety on a plate/etc" they need to know he needs professional help. Good luck x

Does your DS go to nursery at all? I found when mine went to nursery even just for a day or two a week, they started eating what everyone else had at snack and lunch time (especially useful if they serve food there rather than taking a packed lunch, so they get to try lots of new food). My middle one went to several different nurseries, all of whom served their own food, and he’s by far the least fussy eater.

I would definitely keep an eye out for any autistic traits too. My friend asked my advice on feeding as her DS would only eat about 4 different items from a young age. I went with something (not quite as cut throat!) along the lines of Bold’s advice. If he doesn’t eat what he’s given he doesn’t get anything else, as that had always worked with my kids (not the reheating it for subsequent meals though). She tried that and her DS literally didn’t eat for about 3 days . He was later diagnosed with autism and 10 years later I still feel guilty for suggesting she didn’t offer him his favourite food on the side with every meal.

We eat breakfast together, but dinner he seems to respond better to eating if he is with just one person, If my partner is feeding him, he seems to respond better if I leave the room, same the other way round. Although he only eats one type of breakfast, breakfast is a happy time, he sings (baby sings) and feeds himself if he wants to, will eat breakfast infront of anyone, but for some reason dinner is a completely different situation.

With mt 1st everything she ate was homemade, she loved food. so I started out with his weaning the same way, the same dinners as us just blended at 1st and then gradually more and more lumps, until homemade dinners was a no, so had to try the ready made baby meals, we started off with wide a selection he would eat, eventually he would only eat 3 meals, and then now down to the one, and the one brand aswell, which I find most frustrating because how can it taste that different. It was tough during lock down with everyone bulk buying had to travel far and wide for this one dinner. And I have the biggest mum guilt that I can't make my baby his food.

It's one thing saving a meal to try with the child again the next day, but forcing it at breakfast? Ridiculous. Give them a normal breakfast and keep the hot meals to lunch/dinner.
How to put a child of a meal for life! If they're not hungry, accept it and move on, don't push it to extremes @theboldtype

Don’t have a lot of time but wanted to say my now 6 year was like this (still is really) but he was diagnosed as coeliac at age 3 so he associated food with feeling sick and pain. Have you had him checked out by your gp? Sorry for not reading the full thread.

OP - my little boy started to refuse food at a similar age. We were referred to both a paediatric dietician and speech and language therapist who deals with eating issues. They were both great and really helped.

In our case we found that he had a cows milk protein intolerance, causing him pain when eating. He also developed a spoon aversion. The speech therapist was brilliant in helping us to identify the issue, re-introduce food to him etc.

We also had a book that was helpful
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-Child-Extreme-Picky-Eating/dp/162625110X/ref=nodl_

Hope you get some answers and help ASAP.

My 2 year old is becoming fussy. I think many around this age are exploring their independence and learning that they have their own mind and choices. Food is something they can control, to a degree, and they are also learning what tastes they like (and don't!). It's so hard to know if they genuinely don't like something, just don't fancy it, aren't hungry or just decided it's a 'no' day for food.
Like lots of others, the key is no pressure. If my son does or doesn't eat the meal, he gets fruit and a yoghurt for pudding and a drink of milk with a biscuit later before bed.
Is showing real signs of hunger? He may have a small appetite but definitely get him checked out for any other issues as it does sound like its verging to the extreme.

Op, don't worry about people saying you should eat all together, need to have same food etc. It's not relevant.

And those who still going on about theboldtype, you don't know the full extent of what she is doing. She maybe doing some favour or damage to her children, you just cannot decide it just because her approach is different from yours. I personally don't think her approach is totally bad, for some children, who can eat them but refusing and demanding something else.

My oldest ate anything until about 15m then he cut out everything but potato waffles almost overnight. Previously he'd eaten waffles but as part of a varied diet. He would eat nothing else for around the next 2 years. Literally nothing else. I tried everything but nothing worked. On one occasion he went without food for 3 days while I was trying the being strict approach. He was screaming with constipation and I thought he may actually starve himself to death so I reintroduced waffles. Eventually after HV, GP and paediatrician we were referred to a dietician who advised taking all stress and conflict out of meals, give him what he will eat plus another thing to try (with the foods not touching because that would make him leave it all) and make no fuss whether or not he tries the other item. After such a long battle he very gradually tried other things. I started with things like bread and dry cereal, not straight into sprouts! He's now 21 and still has a limited diet but far more than just waffles. He hates wet or runny foods so avoids gravy, soup, tinned beans and spaghetti etc. He was subsequently diagnosed with autism too. So, don't let anyone tell you you're just not firm enough, their kid would eat what they're given etc. There is hope but you may need specialist input from someone who really understands these issues.

Sounds really hard OP. No practical advice in the expanding diet options but in terms of vitamins and nutrition, do you give a multivitamin supplement? We have ones for the kids that are like gummy bears or eg the drops you can buy could be mixed in with food.

It was only.when my 6 year old sibling came along that I realised I hadn't caused the older ones fussy eating.
The younger one just ate, and I didnt have to do anything special to make her eat.
She would just pick up the food and put it in her mouth. After the first one it was such a shock but also made me realise it wasnt because of anything I had done to cause her eating issues.

@theboldtype wow, I wouldnt do that to my dog.

@OR101 that sounds really hard but it's great that you're trying your best and working on it. I agree you should speak to HV for a referral, and the book Getting the Little Blighters to Eat is really good (although it does seem like it may be more than fussiness, the techniques in the book may still help) My dsd is 10 and eats 4 things on repeat - battered chicken nuggets but never breaded, Birds Eye fish fingers, skinny chips and chocolate cereal without milk. Her mum refuses to accept its an issue so there isn't an awful lot her dad can do at this point (we're supposed to have her EOW but she often refuses to come). Its so sad and shes a very unhealthy child - catches every cold going and extremely unfit. I cant help but feel this could have been fixed when she was younger, but wouldn't know where to start now

@OR101 I've read all of your posts but had to stop reading rest of the thread as the cruelty of feeding a child the same reheated meal repeatedly is just upsetting. Please don't take that advice. I saw a Dietitian for my 3 year old with severely restricted eating & the Dietitian would absolutely not recommend that approach. . My daughter eats dry food only, and beige mostly. Eg breakfast= dry rice krispies, or dry toast, no butter. Lunch/dinner= dry cooked pasta, dry cooked rice etc. I get fruit/veg into her via smoothies. I also freeze those smoothies to make ice pops. The Dietitian recommended to give her what I know she will eat, and put a little of something else on the plate too. Don't mention it, no pressure, just have it available. It has taken over 6 months but she is gradually eating more e.g. yesterday she ate a piece of cheese with her toast, and the day before a piece of apple.
It's exhausting and worrying and I feel for you. I would suggest a Dietitian visit. Consider also what others said about Autism as a possible factor- my daughter shows a lot of traits of high functioning ASD. I haven't sought diagnosis as yet, but Ive worked in the field so would have done level of knowledge.

@MarkRuffaloCrumble
Yes he is going to nursery, I didn't particularly want him going before 3, but I thought he would benefit from it/ hopefully see other children eating and realise it's ok. But no such joy, I pay for the all inclusiveness, but I have to pack the wotsits and they end up having to give him them instead. I thought maybe someone else feeding him in a different setting. I will keep hope there though. Aw try not to feel bad, lots of people give that advice, it works for some and you wasn't to know it was more than just being fussy.

Until I posted this post I honestly felt so alone and like no one understood what I was saying, all of your replies/advice, bring me comfort and confidence to get help and not be fobbed off. I didn't realise it was such a common thing.

The best thing that can happen from these thread is, that people can understand some methods works for their children, and maybe not for others with more complex issues.

It's easy to blame someone who are only sharing their own experience that worked for their children as horrible, just because it won't work with yours.

Yes my ds has issue, and if someone said what I am doing is wrong according to what has worked for them, I would argue. But if someone has simply shared their experience, I can say it won't work for my child, but not to the extent that you won't even do it to your dog. Why need to go to that extreme nastiness?

Most of people are only trying to help. And I can totally see that theboldtype was only trying to help. She wasn't unpleasant at all either. I really wish people stop tormenting her.

I have a very fussy 5 year old who has been like that since around the same age as yours. He has sensory difficulties with different textures and it's not something he can control. He's been slowly accepting new things into his diet but it's still very limited. Along with seeing your GP I might recommend seeing an occupational therapist as well. It's really hard and I empathise x

Pastandpresent. Some things are parental choice. But only reoffering the same meal repeatedly, allowing a small child to go to bed hungry and then the next morning not even allowing a banana when they are hungry is actually wrong. Sometimes a parent feels their need to "win" is more important than developing a childs healthy relationship with food. Its not that she probably meant to be cruel, but it is cruel. Theres tons of information she can look to if she wants to.

It would be like wandering into a thread about noisy children and saying "I just tape up their mouths" or I dont let them eat if they're noisy... or course these things might work but its wrong not to point out on a thread that these are not good things to do to chidlren...

I don't know, Pineapple. I just didn't read the comment made by theboldtype deserves so much hatred.

I can go the other way, I can say what she says is bollocks from my own experience. But does that help anyone but to make her feel bad? She never said she force the food until it was eaten, even it started to get mouldy like some pp said their parents did.

Tbh, I don't know what parents with children with no specific issue goes through. Mine is different from yours. since it involves multiple food allergies. So I think her sharing of her own experience is valid, since we don't know if the OP's dc has any other issue which is causing the food issues. We can only speak from our own experience, what worked for my ds may not work for someone else, but I think there's nothing wrong in sharing my experience.

This sounds really tricky OP, I understand exactly why you are so worried and hopefully hearing some other's similar experiences has helped. I was going to suggest 'social feeding' (not sure if that's the proper terminology) as in my experience teaching really small children, they often eat more varied foods when they see other children eating it too. But I see that you've tried that at nursery and it hasn't helped.

You sound like you're doing a great job and FWIW I would do exactly the same thing as you in your position, it sounds like you need support from a dietician etc.

Perhaps as he won't eat lunch, you could try leaving a little plate of picky foods out including his wotsits and maybe one or two other similar things that he could just wander up to and munch if he wanted? Perhaps just dry toast or something really bland at first. I'm just wondering if he can slowly become familiar with the look of different foods without having it so close to him in his highchair that it feels overwhelming, he might eventually want to try?