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Original poster

Parents of toddlers with eating disorders...

142 replies

OR101 · 14/09/2020 23:54

Probably the wrong place to post but looking for advice please.

My baby is nearly 2, since around 9 months, problems with food started to occur, such as completely dropped a meal time, refused to try any new foods since 9 months old. Only eats one brand of dinner (think shepards pie, cow and Gate brand, wouldn't eat shepards pie tesco brand) refuses any thing home made. No fruit, cheese, ham. Won't eat chips, pasta, chicken, veg, just basically anything.

Has porridge for breakfast,
Stopped eating lunch, will eat wotsits, so I offer that now because I don't like that nothing is being consumed from morning till night. I used to put all finger foods out. Which was eaten until 9 months.
And the one brand of dinner.

When I try to speak to people in real life, I get comments such as yeah baby's can be fussy, but just in my gut feeling it's more than just fussy. If anyone has had any thing similar with their LO, did it turn out to be an eating disorder? Is there any tips i could try? Even though I feel like I've tried everything. I am willing to try more.

Just a side note all other aspects of general development seem ok to me.

Thank you in advance x

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 15/09/2020 06:24

I agree with others that bolds approach is quite cruel and doesn't sound great from a food safety point of view.

OP - in addition to the advice you've received, I remember The House of Tiny Tearaways" often featuring young children who wouldn't eat and Dr Tanya Byron (?) always seemed to have good suggestions so it may be worth looking at her stuff too (disclaimer- am not dietician nor child psychologist)

theboldtype · 15/09/2020 06:24

Also I don’t get angry with them for not eating or frustrated. I simply ask if they want me to save it and my eldest says yes (my youngest is too little to understand).
He was honestly happy to eat the casserole this morning. It hasn’t seemed to create food battles yet.
This sounds like it’s been going on for such a long time for the OP, and perhaps misguided but I sort of viewed the post the same as a child that doesn’t sleep in which case as you can probably tell I’ve suggested sleep training before as that’s what has worked for me. But honestly I’m sorry if I’ve just upset everyone.

Sirzy · 15/09/2020 06:34

There is a great fb group called ARFID parents and carers (UK) which is very helpful.

Ds has Arfid but his only developed later (about 5) but I can be an issue from birth. Like many things it’s exceptionally complicated with a variety of possible causes but if nothing else groups like the above will be supportive

Sirzy · 15/09/2020 06:35

@theboldtype

Also I don’t get angry with them for not eating or frustrated. I simply ask if they want me to save it and my eldest says yes (my youngest is too little to understand). He was honestly happy to eat the casserole this morning. It hasn’t seemed to create food battles yet. This sounds like it’s been going on for such a long time for the OP, and perhaps misguided but I sort of viewed the post the same as a child that doesn’t sleep in which case as you can probably tell I’ve suggested sleep training before as that’s what has worked for me. But honestly I’m sorry if I’ve just upset everyone.
If you didn’t fancy a meal would you be happy being presented as it with the only option throughout the day until you ate it?

Please rethink your approach for the sake of your children.

ListenLinda · 15/09/2020 06:44

I wouldn’t eat casserole for breakfast and I would not expect my children to either @theboldtype

That is surely just down to pure stubbornness. If my three year old refuses to eat her tea she gets a boring slice of toast just before bed, no way would I offer her last nights spag bol. It would likely mean she would never eat it again at any time

theboldtype · 15/09/2020 06:50

If my child hasn’t even tried the dinner because they don’t like the look of it I don’t assume they don’t like the flavour more like they aren’t hungry.

I’ve only ever served something reheated twice the once. They don’t need to finish their meals they just need to give it a go.

Seriouslyconfused3 · 15/09/2020 06:55

I was literally this child! My Dm took me to doctors health visitors etc and none of it worked Blush I used to just starve myself. Turns out I have sensory food issues- still do. I can’t abide lumpy things, have to have food steaming hot etc. I eat a well balanced diet now- albeit adapted ie I blend everything smooth etc I am now no longer starving I am very much overweight Sad but that’s nothing to do with my issues, more medical problems and a love of chocolate.

My mum offered me the food I liked and just kept adding other options in- for example I’d have ready brek with some apple slices on the side. Eventually (after months) I’d try a little bit. It’s very much about perseverance (or it was with me)

myrtleWilson · 15/09/2020 06:56

But you sounded quite proud of your "I'll keep reheating it until they eat it' approach bold - it really isn't imo something to aspire to.

theboldtype · 15/09/2020 06:57

I have truthfully eaten casserole for breakfast. What’s wrong with that? I’m not going to serve them something I wouldn’t eat reheated myself.

Sirzy · 15/09/2020 06:59

@theboldtype

I have truthfully eaten casserole for breakfast. What’s wrong with that? I’m not going to serve them something I wouldn’t eat reheated myself.
But that is your choice to eat it.

You admitted your child said they didn’t want it and would rather have a banana but you wouldn’t let them.

No matter what you post to try to justify it doesn’t make it sound any less like force feeding and cruel

theboldtype · 15/09/2020 07:00

Of course it’s not something to aspire to. As I’ve said, I’m sorry my posts have come across so smug.
Sleep training isn’t something to aspire to either.

I’m not a martyr about this. It’s just something that’s worked for me in the past so I suggested it.

SushiGo · 15/09/2020 07:00

Ignoring the derail, OP I think you should call your Health Visitor and ask for a referral for a dietician and if you are concerned about autism talk about that as well and see what they say. 2 is a common age to start noticing signs.

My son has a restricted diet due to probable autism and people who would continually serve the same meal until it was eaten can jog on because they have no idea how ignorant they are.

AugieMarch · 15/09/2020 07:04

My ds1 was like this. He dropped off the bottom of the growth chart by 10 months and stayed way off until around 4. He became anaemic and was on liquid iron supplements for 2 years. It did turn out to be one of the early signs of autism for him (diagnosed at 4). I’d speak to your gp and see if you can get a referral to a hospital dietician or feeding clinic as they may be able to help. For days, it was just a matter of waiting (many years) for his diet to expand.

For what it’s worth, my ds1 is now 10, eats a wide range of foods and is a healthy kid in mainstream school, not requiring any specific support and with a good group of friends.

Oneborneverydecade · 15/09/2020 07:06

Only your first post sounded smug. I wonder if you've discussed your methods with a HV because I can't imagine they'd be encouraging it. What did you hope to gain by making a child that's too young to communicate eat reheated casserole when they clearly wanted a banana?

bigarse1 · 15/09/2020 07:07

I have twins with what can be termed as an eating disorder. In our case combined with several allergies. In our case, at 7 they are still on a specialist milk to help them survive. At the worst my daughter is capable of three days without food.
They are both diagnosed with spd and autism.
We had some brilliant ideas and have made a little progress with boy twin but very little with girl twin but we have progressed in such a way that they aren't anxious as much as they were. We had hit the point where they would run away and hide if you called them for tea.
The best advice was to take all pressure away. We were told to always have food available so they could nibble all day rather than it being a big deal at meal time. We literally put a platter of some different bits, but always including some they will eat, on the floor in front of the TV or on the table in the garden and we walk away. We don't mention it, praise it or moan. After a while we chuck what isn't eaten and do the same in a little while.
The biggest thing for us and the hardest was to take all emotion out. It was explained to us that if a child has real issues but wants to please you and u praise them when they eat then they connect it with being good and therefore not eating with being bad.
Our child was so severe that when in hospital they were given a sticker for eating a tiny piece of banana, they now haven't been able to eat a banana for over 4 years!

cansu · 15/09/2020 07:11

the boldtype
That sounds really unpleasant tbh. How would you feel to be asked to eat casserole for breakast?? Saving it for them to have at lunch or dinner would be OK but not as a punishment and not for breakfast!

user12345796 · 15/09/2020 07:22

I think I was here.
I've tried to block it out (!) but my DS would only eat the Annabel Karmel chicken pie ready meal. And ready brek.

When you look at those things they are boring but they do have nutritional value. Not as much as you would like but still they do.
I kept trying other food. We had a lot of luck with Nesquik, scrambled eggs, peanut butter and biscuits but it took a while. He's 15 now and still "limited" but eats plenty of what he does eat and his growth is fine and always has been.

I would talk to the doctor to rule out anything else but I would try not to get upset. I know it's easier said than done and I know you'll be surrounded by the "my child eats anything, it's just a matter of offering a variety" brigade.

One suggestion - could you offer porridge for lunch as well? Call it Lunch Porridge. It's better than wotsits.

pastandpresent · 15/09/2020 07:28

My ds is a very fussy eater, he has issues with texture and temperature of food. Since we figured that out, it became slightly easier. Also we had dietitian, so we are not worried nutrition wise.
Do recommend to see HV/Dr to get referral.

Codexdivinchi · 15/09/2020 07:31

Ah god theboldtype that sounds wretched. Horrible. What adult would want casserole for breakfast? Maybe you should treat your kids how you’d like to be treated your self...

Codexdivinchi · 15/09/2020 07:33

OP I have three dc. My youngest is nearby four and is a very fussy eater. It started when she was around nine months only eating spaghetti Bol every day.

Try not to label her at this point, just keep trying her with things. A fed child is better than a hungry child

ChangingOfTheCards · 15/09/2020 07:34

@theboldtype

My children have tried to be fussy at certain times. To me it’s a sign they aren’t that hungry. So I don’t serve them anything else. I’ll serve them the same thing reheated the next morning for breakfast and if it’s not touched I’ll serve it again for lunch. At some point they seem to change their minds and happily eat what I put in front of them. Last night my 22 month old and 3.5 year old refused to eat the casserole I put in front of them. They went to bed without anything else and were both served it for breakfast. The eldest ate it and the youngest threw a tantrum for a banana. He didn’t get the banana and so after an half an hour he changed his mind and indicated he wanted to go back in his high chair for the casserole. Which he then ate the lot of quite happily.
I have ended up with severe eating disorder due to they way your treat your kids. Its a disgraceful disrespectful way to teach your kids anything about food.

But, you come across as though you are above everyone else. You are just a bully.

IT IS CRUEL

do you go the whole hog like my mother and father? Keep presenting the food over regardless of mould and the possibility of food poisoning? It was given to me over and over and didn't allow me to have school dinners whilst there was "good food at home"

I had frequent tummy bugs that I also developed a fear of vomiting, as that would come around the same time as the mould and other stuff. Not content to be beaten by a child they also tried force-feeding me. I only stopped when my, much older than me, cousin lamped my dad one so he (and definitely never forgot

And this is so outing if my family are here Hmm

ChangingOfTheCards · 15/09/2020 07:38

Apologies for the poor 1 grammar in the 1st paragraph l. If course I didn't start with eating orders by the way SHE feeds her kids! I meant what my parents did. Sorry to Confuse

lifesalongsong · 15/09/2020 07:40

@theboldtype

My children have tried to be fussy at certain times. To me it’s a sign they aren’t that hungry. So I don’t serve them anything else. I’ll serve them the same thing reheated the next morning for breakfast and if it’s not touched I’ll serve it again for lunch. At some point they seem to change their minds and happily eat what I put in front of them. Last night my 22 month old and 3.5 year old refused to eat the casserole I put in front of them. They went to bed without anything else and were both served it for breakfast. The eldest ate it and the youngest threw a tantrum for a banana. He didn’t get the banana and so after an half an hour he changed his mind and indicated he wanted to go back in his high chair for the casserole. Which he then ate the lot of quite happily.
That sounds like a recipe (pardon the pun) for eating disorders in the future

That really isn't a normal to feed your children in 2020 although I suspect it possibly wasn 1920

Jellybeansincognito · 15/09/2020 07:41

I have a really fussy eater and I’ve heard of your approach before @theboldtype and I wish I did this, I think it’s a healthy approach when you have children and also, they waste so much food it’s good to teach them not to waste it too.

I don’t think you come across smug or abusive at all, you’re teaching your children that if they don’t want to eat their meal that’s fine, but there won’t be anything else, which actually will promote them to try things and eat sensibly

Comtesse · 15/09/2020 07:41

OP it is time to seek input from GP/HV. Think your kid needs some extra help.

And as for Bold, casserole for breakfast is revolting - no adult would eat that, why would a little child?