To feel irritated by posters saying this on dating threads..

[Grobagsforever]

Poster comes on asking for advice/complaining about someone they are dating e.g the person is flaky, likely married whatever.

There are always a few posts saying something like:

Happily married here so no recent dating experience, if DH and I split up I'd never date

Or

So glad my dating days are over, DP feels the same

Or

Urgh modern dating sounds awful so glad I never did it

Or (my personal pet peeve)

If DH died I'd definitely just stay single.

ANYONE can find themselves single at any age and MOST do choose to date. Not all, but most. The smug married nonsense isn't helpful, it's spiteful. If you've nothing useful to say why bother commenting?

I admit I have a personal sensitivity with this, DH died when I was 33, we'd been together 14 years, I never imagined for a second I'd want anyone else. But then he died and suddenly I had to face up to the choice of being alone for 50 years or woman-ing up and facing the horror of online dating. It was pretty shit at times but now I do have a lovely DP whom my children adore. I APPLAUD all the posters out there struggling through online dating. I APLAUD all those posters choosing to remain single. But can the smug married pls STFU on those threads, unless they have something constructive to say.

Ahhhh that's better.

Can I please add one to the list of 🤢 smug married phrases?

"Reader, I married him"

My friend did meet her partner at a walking club, but she loves walking and was happily single/wasn't actively looking for anyone

Or I met my DH on OLD and he adoooores me

It's not the solution. It's really not and those smugs that suggest it, as if it will magically find you a partner are just making those of us for shif, feel even shitter

And yes I am jealous of the smug coupled up people.

OP - on threads there are always the smuggy mcsmug Faces to chirp in triumphantly with their superior status

You are not wrong.

Absolutely agree OP. Another widow here. Some friends were diamonds when I was dating and some seemed to have had a permanent empathy bypass.

If someone hasn't already said this, I think part of the issue re widows/widowers is people's fear of death (understandable) but they often say things like "did he smoke?", so they can assure themselves It Definitely Won't Happen to Their DP, because he doesn't.

I had "if Fred died I wouldn't be interested in anyone else", "I would never live with anyone again if Mr Lovely died", and "I would just go for lots of long walks and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else as it
would be a dreadful betrayal of my children", (yep really).

It is definitely difficult to get your head around premature illness and death and it is certainly frightening, but it would help if some people tried a bit harder not to be dicks when speaking to the bereaved about relationships.

YANBU. The insensitivity and smugness can be appalling on those threads.

I remember your posts about your DH's illness and death. What a terrible time it must have been for you. And of course "terrible" doesn't even begin to express the reality of that experience. I'm so glad to see that you have found a lovely partner whom your DC also adore.

@MaliceOrgan

My friend did meet her partner at a walking club, but she loves walking and was happily single/wasn't actively looking for anyone

I dont understand the snide comments about walking clubs either, I was asked out twice (different men) when I joined a walking and that wasn't why I joined one so wasn't actively 'seeking' offers.

Widowed dating is super hard, the last thing we need is advice from the married

Yep this 💯

(Fellow widow here.)

@RubyTheRockingHorse

Can I please add one to the list of 🤢 smug married phrases?

"Reader, I married him"

@RubyTheRockingHorse YES. This. JUST SO WANKY.

THANK YOU @Grobagsforever! I feel validated . So, SO, wanky! I cringe every time I see it.

@RubyTheRockingHorse

After a shitty break up from first post DH boyfriend followed by a year of bizarre, hilarious and mostly crap and boring first dates I met current DP.

Reader, I shagged him.

Thank you @DolphinsAndNemesis. It's been six years and a long road.

[quote Grobagsforever]@RubyTheRockingHorse

After a shitty break up from first post DH boyfriend followed by a year of bizarre, hilarious and mostly crap and boring first dates I met current DP.

Reader, I shagged him. [/quote]
😂😂

Definitely more accurate. Reader, I married him indeed 🙄.

This type of person muscles in on every thread. You can’t have an infertility thread without someone breezing along to say how they can’t imagine how awful it must be and they only looked at their dh to conceive quins (twice). People grumbling about lockdown and up pops someone to say it’s been wonderful what with their secure wfh job, happy little family and tennis court and swimming pool.

The Smuggery Smugs just love to rub people’s nose in it.

@IrmaFayLear - don’t they just!

I remember one thread where OP confided about the terrible loneliness she has at weekends living by herself (and the shame of it). Other posters too shared their feeling of weekend loneliness. Then Smuggy McSmug Face comes along with I’s so busy at the weekends, so much to do, seeing so many people, so may people in my household, I would just love to be by myself one weekend

YANBU

I used to do OLD and the people who cropped up on the dating threads
Often we were left aghast, well, thank you for that..................
A lot of posters think that because they met their bf in college and they went on to get married that the rest of us are just doing it wrong and bringing a lack of respect down on ourselves!

People who haven't had a date in 30 years and married teenage boyfriends. It's also the insinuation that being single is a fault or something to be ashamed or that as an attractive intelligent solvent woman I need the advice of married people

Hi yes, I know the type. They were the ones who thought that deciding to date casually after leaving my abusive twat of a partner was "Immature" "irresponsible" and "unseemly". These were the days before online dating, but had it been around when I was single and looking for someone to shag then I'd totally be on tinder.

It's only 15 years since I married my husband and he's fab, obviously, but because I had the experiences I did with the abusive twat and then a few lots of men I know that relationships can end. So no smug married here.

@Aridane I've been single for a very long time and was on the phone to a friend. When I said how lonely I was, how I dreaded coming home to an empty flat night after night, she told me that she would love that. She thought I was really lucky that I didn't have her husband and three kids. That it was a pain to be married with children.

I had been single for 9 years when another friend advised me to spend some time thinking about what I wanted.

I could go on but that would take me away from enjoying my empty flat, spending the weekend by myself and pondering after a decade, of what I'm really looking for.

and I think men are overwhelmingly bell ends who aren’t worth the steam off my piss

This made me laugh and laugh. I love it! I am so stealing this to use.
Love your user name too @BuggerBognor - takes me back to my a-level history days!

@username101j I feel that. What a crass inappropriate comment 😢

on threads there are always the smuggy mcsmug Faces to chirp in triumphantly with their superior status

I imagine they are the same people who, on a thread where a woman is having relationship problems, married to an arsehole or whose husband might be having an affair, just have to point out how their wonderful husband would never do that. Yeah, cos that'll make the poor bugger whose relationship is in the shitter feel so good.

I used to get from one friend 'ooh I'd love some time alone, why does it bother you so much?'
Then the minute her DP went away for the weekend etc she'd be on the phone asking to meet up 😂
I don't like being single but I also find OLD frustrating and soul destroying. But a lot of smug marrieds don't like to hear that. Ooh keep trying. Ooh you'll meet someone when you least expect it. You'll meet someone at work - yeah right, I work in an almost entirely female environment. Etc etc

When I was single the "advice" that pissed me off the most was - oh just go about your day as normal, you'll meet someone authentically then - eh no, my normal day was working 10-12 hours in an overwhelmingly female dominated profession and then going straight home to bed to recover for the next day!