To ask DSD’s mum not to text at 02am to change plans

[Callardandbowser]

DSD’s mum and I have historically got on well but that fact has increasingly been dependant upon me resolutely ‘sucking it up’ when she behaves unreasonably.

I don’t know why I get shaken up when I put down a boundary but I do.

The last time I put down a boundary with her was when she had developed the habit of letting herself into my back door (we live close) and arguing loudly with my DH I asked her to leave because it was creating disharmony in my home and my own DD was scared.

Last night at 02:15 she texted my DH saying that she’d been up late watching TV at her boyfriend’s house so would be late back to be home for DSD (who always goes back to her’s at 10 on Saturday morning)

I have messaged her this morning asking (very diplomatically) that she doesn’t text with last minute changes of plans at 2:15 am because it wakes us up and is then hard to get back to sleep.

I’m so incredulous that I even need to point this out to her.

AIBU to be really shaken up after setting a boundary when someone’s clearly being unreasonable?

So op you had no interest in getting answers other than ones that back up your opinion?

AIBU is really not the place for that. Maybe phone a friend to moan at instead if that's what you are after.

Most phones have the option whereby if an unknown number phones repeatedly, they will get through

Yes, again I know this. However people don't text three times on the off chance that the emergency contact has DND switched on, nor do they ring three times in quick succession.

Trust me, I've been there. I'll never put my phone on DND again whilst I'm next of keen to a vulnerable person.

AIBU isn't the right place if you're not prepared for blunt honesty

@redwinefine

AIBU isn't the right place if you're not prepared for blunt honesty

Mumsnet is not the right place if you're a step parent tbh.

C8H10N4O2, I think you are totally missing a point. Op didn't want to be woken up, and angry about it. I don't think she was expecting emergency call from anyone.

@C8H10N4O2 - Yes, again I know this. However people don't text three times on the off chance that the emergency contact has DND switched on, nor do they ring three times in quick succession.

It's ringing twice in 3 minutes. I think pretty much anyone who is trying to get through urgently would ring a second time, particularly if it's the middle of the night.

I think pretty much anyone who is trying to get through urgently would ring a second time, particularly if it's the middle of the night

Whatever you think, I have been in exactly this position and missed an urgent contact. Also the number of times needed to override varies by phone.

C8H10N4O2, I think you are totally missing a point. Op didn't want to be woken up, and angry about it. I don't think she was expecting emergency call from anyone

I'm not missing a point. I'm addressing the posters who are blaming the OP for her phone settings rather than the parent who in the early hours decided it wasn't convenient to have her own child at the agreed time.

What‘s with her being able to get in your back door?

@C8H10N4O2 - Whatever you think, I have been in exactly this position and missed an urgent contact. Also the number of times needed to override varies by phone.

Regardless, the op is not in this position. She is complaining about receiving a text, not a phone call.

If you find yourself in this situation, you can always leave your phone turned on in a different room. A text is unlikely to disturb but a call will wake you.

I'm addressing the posters who are blaming the OP for her phone settings rather than the parent who in the early hours decided it wasn't convenient to have her own child at the agreed time.

Text is asynchronous communication. Send at your leisure, read at your leisure. If you don't want to be disturbed by a text, use appropriate settings on your phone.

Even if someone sends a text at a "reasonable time", it may not be delivered to your phone until a later time.

The parent deciding it wasn't convenient is a different issue.