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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think this extended maternity leave bollocks just needs to stop.

362 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 14:45

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-54089754

I can't be the only one to think the campaign has run its course and just needs to stop?

Labouring women are still not allowed to be with their partners in anything but an hour of the actual birth....the phrase 'bigger fish to fry' can't help but spring to mind.....

OP posts:
WheresMyMilk · 11/09/2020 17:01

@FilthyforFirth

No I got that *@bigblondebimbo*, thank you. I had a section 3 years ago and DH was there the whole time, in our own room - I was lucky on that front, and I just know how much he did. I am petrified of either making myself worse by doing too much, or suffering as I lie there immobil whilst my baby screams. Lets face it, midwives arent going to be on hand like DHs are?

I am just so fucking cross that this is the one thing that has seen next to no relaxations. My trust are still not allowing partners to scans/appts. Why can we go to a theme park, restaurant, pub etc but DH must leave his newborn baby and vulnerable wife immediately after birth? He has already been there! Just let him stay until we all leave.

I get that not everyone will have childcare for existing children.

I agree. After my section in lockdown I couldn’t reach to pick up my baby and it took ages for midwives to answer the bell. As a result I didn’t put my baby down as wouldn’t be able to get her back, and I nearly fell asleep holding her.

DH and I were both swabbed and negative so it was really disappointing he couldn’t come to the ward, even for a short while.

I would totally prioritise easing the restrictions on maternity services over extended maternity leave.

NewAutumnName · 11/09/2020 17:01

I would 100% support a petition for extended bereavement leave though.

crazychemist · 11/09/2020 17:01

I don’t see that it would be possible it extend maternity leave (mostly on grounds of cost). I am very sorry for those new mums who have had so little support this year, but If I were going to petition for something, it would be getting those essential support services back in place (at least in some form) as soon as possible. Development checks are still be doing by phone, so all sorts of things are probably slipping through the cracks, and FTM still have no prospect of support/guidance in the near future.

Ava2323 · 11/09/2020 17:02

@Rae5647

Wow completely ignorant comments here! It’s nothing like “phoning in sick for three months”.

There are many complex issues arising from COVID for new mums and babies. Like I say unless you are living this, you can’t possibly appreciate it.

All aftercare was dropped, no treatment for birth injuries, pnd, no breastfeeding support - no support full stop. Babies have never been looked after by anyone else and don’t know their own grandparents. This is not like normal times where it is hard enough going back to work. Any idea how hard it is to drop a baby off at a nursery when they’ve barely left the living room for 6 months and have no idea other humans existed? Traumatising for everyone. Can you appreciate how hard it is to accept mentally that you’re putting your elderly parents at risk of COVID by having them babysit so you can go back to work?

New mums have received ZERO support. None of support they were supposed to get to help bring a baby into the world and zero support financially.

I don’t see Why you would be riled about trying to help vulnerable mothers through the worst pandemic in 100 years. How does it affect you exactly?

Have some compassion.

This
PablosHoney · 11/09/2020 17:02

Ahh, I feel for the people that had babies during lockdown especially the first timers and the mums with PND. I’m not sure that extended Mat leave is the answer though, A lot has been lost by almost everyone and we never imagined this would happen but the economy is already crippled.

Batmanandbobbin · 11/09/2020 17:06

I had a baby just before lockdown and I was grateful I didn’t have to stress over childcare. Imagine if you had just returned from maternity leave when it first happened. When NO childcare was available or you lost your job regardless of baby or not. I agree anger should be directed elsewhere.

MrsAvocet · 11/09/2020 17:07

I'm struggling to have too much sympathy. Yes, I can believe its not been ideal and that new mothers haven't had the experience they would have otherwise, but that is the same for so many people and the economy is on its knees so we just can't afford this. I am about to lose my job as a direct result of being unable to get appropriate treatment for a medical condition during lockdown but my employers are basically saying "Tough luck, not our problem". There is nothing in law that requires them to treat me differently because of Covid-19 and of course if they can dismiss me rather than have to pay redundancy to me, or someone else, then that's what they are going to do. Plenty of employers are looking for ways to reduce their wage bills at the moment. I think if I was on maternity leave right now I would be trying to get back asap and make myself indispensable. So many people are losing their jobs right now, its probably not the ideal time to be campaigning for more time off.

LoopyGremlin · 11/09/2020 17:08

The petition is self indulgent crap. The mums had time off with their babies and the babies didn’t suffer during the lockdown. My sister claimed her baby was feeling the effects of the lockdown. I’m not sure how, when he was at home with his mum who was on maternity leave and he knew no different. He didn’t have to leave his school, friends and all his hobbies and sports like my children. Confused

tearinyourhand · 11/09/2020 17:08

I'm Shock at 39 weeks of maternity leave not being enough to mentally prepare for going back to work.

I am very sympathetic to anyone who has had a baby during the pandemic and found there was a lack of support. There is a lack of support at the best of times, I can't imagine how much worse it must have been this year.

But needing to mentally prepare to go back to work? Separation anxiety because only the baby's mum has looked after him/her? That stuff is standard for any mother of a new baby, pandemic or not.

ClickandForget · 11/09/2020 17:08

DH wasn't able to stay with me and dc2 after our csection, because he had to stay with dc1. It was honestly fine

Same. A lot of us don't have support networks to enable us to do all the things we'd like to do, for one reason or another ( dd1 has LD and is difficult to manage so dd2 'missed out' as well. No grandparents around. So different circumstances, but same experience. There's a lot of us about.

Holyrivolli · 11/09/2020 17:10

They’re not going to get much sympathy from most people except fellow mums of new babies I suspect. everyone’s lives have been disrupted over the last six months and that’s missed moments that no one can get back. Can’t see any reason why new mums merit extra time to compensate.

BigBlondeBimbo · 11/09/2020 17:11

@Rae5647 and @Ava2323 (weird you have such similar names and share such similar views btw)

It does effect us. It effects our chances of employment as women of childbearing age if we appear to be demanding that goalposts be moved to accommodate our entitlement to nothing but the perfect mat leave experience. It also affects us if it costs so much money that the economy is detrimental affected.

It would be lovely if we could do this. I'd love to see extra mat leave for everyone and cheaper childcare, better bereavement leave, much better postnatal care and I could go on all day But something has to take priority and for me, this isn't it. Nobody is being a big meany, withholding your sweeties just because we don't like you. I had a dc not long ago myself and who knows? I may have more. So these women are probably my peer group. But still, this is not a priority for anyone with any sense, sorry.

BigBlondeBimbo · 11/09/2020 17:14

@ClickandForget

DH wasn't able to stay with me and dc2 after our csection, because he had to stay with dc1. It was honestly fine

Same. A lot of us don't have support networks to enable us to do all the things we'd like to do, for one reason or another ( dd1 has LD and is difficult to manage so dd2 'missed out' as well. No grandparents around. So different circumstances, but same experience. There's a lot of us about.

Shall we start a petition Wink? What shall we ask for? Lifetime supply of gin Grin?
FuckingInLaws · 11/09/2020 17:14

I think it’s ridiculous and whiny. I had a baby before the pandemic, then went through lockdown whilst on maternity leave and also had to return to work whilst the lockdown was still in force - working at home with three kids at home! It’s been tough for everyone - not just pregnant women. My now one year old is also incredibly clingy I think partially due to the lockdown and lack of socialisation but for Gods sake they all go through separation anxiety at one stage or another. It’s really not that big a deal.

Monkeynuts18 · 11/09/2020 17:15

@Babyroobs

As if the country can afford this? Do people not realise how many people are about to lose their jobs/ home etc?

Absolutely. The people behind this petition shouldn’t complain - there’s a very good chance they’ll have unlimited time at home with your child very soon.

Monkeynuts18 · 11/09/2020 17:15

Sorry not your child - their children!

Doingitaloneandproud · 11/09/2020 17:16

Sorry but everyone has had some sort of disruption, if you want longer mat leave go ahead, pay for it yourself. I do feel sad for people who have had babies during the pandemic but it's just one of those things

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 11/09/2020 17:17

@Marmite27 I misunderstood. You get 2 weeks on top of mat leave. Although you lose a child/spouse then it's only 2 weeks i think :(

MooseBreath · 11/09/2020 17:18

I had baby during lockdown. The impact on my mental health has been awful, and there really has been no support available. Even relying on grandparents and friends hasn't been possible.

That said, extending maternity leave isn't going to make a difference. The only thing that can fix this is the government funding services to help those in this position.

mumsthewurd · 11/09/2020 17:21

wow. the vitriol and total lack of compassion on this thread shows me why feminism is doomed. Women are even more judgemental and cruel to other women than men are.
Way to uphold the patriarchy sisters. Divide and conquer.

Heyahun · 11/09/2020 17:22

Don’t really give a shit tbh leave them to it. People get so jealous of the thought of people getting something they don’t - similar to people going mad about people on furlough.

BigBlondeBimbo · 11/09/2020 17:23

@mumsthewurd

wow. the vitriol and total lack of compassion on this thread shows me why feminism is doomed. Women are even more judgemental and cruel to other women than men are. Way to uphold the patriarchy sisters. Divide and conquer.
Do not even try to make this a feminist issue. Bollocks to that. Being a feminist does not mean we all have to agree on everything. What a low intelligence understanding of what feminism is.
GoldenOmber · 11/09/2020 17:24

Way to uphold the patriarchy sisters.

How is it upholding the patriarchy to suggest that ‘more time to go to baby groups’ may not be the most pressing priority for supporting working mothers this year?

Peony9876 · 11/09/2020 17:24

What we really need is the government to support childcare providers rather than extend maternity leave. Two of the nurseries near me have closed permantly due to covid and as a result the others and the childminders are oversubscribed. I am facing the prospect of loosing my job unless I pay £14 an hour for a nanny which I can't afford.

www.daynurseries.co.uk/news/article.cfm/id/1630171/half-nursery-staff-say-nursery-risk-closure-covid-19

LividLaughLovely · 11/09/2020 17:25

Some bitches on this thread.

Of course the petition is tripe and the things it focuses on aren’t the issues, but have some compassion.

Unless you’ve had a lockdown baby and been denied the basic healthcare you were promised your whole life you’d get, go shove your snarky comments up your arse.

Not one person other than in the hospital touched my baby for the first twelve weeks of his life, and if I wasn’t breaking Boris’s shit rules they still wouldn’t have.

Of course bereavement pay should be better. Of course nicu mums should have more support. It’s not an either/or.

We’ve had no health visitor. No weighing. No breastfeeding support service. You might not have found those things valuable yourself but I’ll bet it was good to know they were there.

My baby was very hard fought for and came after traumatic losses. Fearing that he’d catch a new and terrifying disease before I could see him grow up seemed like almost a thing too far in late March, when we didn’t know different.

His first walk in the pram was at 5.30am so we didn’t see anybody on the street, and I cried the whole way thinking of what would happen if I caught it or he did. Of COURSE I was over-anxious but we didn’t know that then.

I had to beg my mum not to turn up at my door to see him.

It seemed like the world was turning upside down, especially when I didn’t sleep for more than four hours in every 24 those first weeks. My baby is a gift, a treasure and I know how very lucky I am to have him.

But it’s enough for people to just acknowledge “yeah, that must’ve been tough”.