To be annoyed with SIL?!

[hellotothesun]

Today I went to a baby class and my sister in law came to the same one.

I noticed my niece looked very red on her cheeks!

I asked my SIL if my niece was okay and she said she'd been unsettled and hot all morning so she'd given her some Calpol but said she hadn't taken her temperature.

They have an older daughter who's currently off school with a cold so she thought maybe the baby was getting the cold but she'd put the red cheeks down to teething.

I told my SIL (quite sternly) that she was being really irresponsible bringing the baby to a class when she could potentially have a temperature.
She's put me, my baby, and all the other mums and babies at risk!

My SIL stormed out and told me to get a grip...

Was I unreasonable?!

Mmmmm no i don't think what you said was unreasonable but maybe the way you said it. Was it necessary to speak 'sternly'?
Your sil could be feeling really rubbish for any number of reasons and you speaking that way to her sounds pretty horrid

Not UR to call her out but UR to be stern. You are both grown women.

I agree that you should have said something, but maybe not a stern telling off.

Tbh, it could easily be teething, as much as covid, but no, I wouldn't have brought my baby to a class if they needed Calpol at the moment.

You told her off, no one‘a going to jump for joy at that are they. But you’re right she was stupid to go and you obviously want people here to agree with you so what’s to say?

@AnneLovesGilbert

You told her off, no one‘a going to jump for joy at that are they. But you’re right she was stupid to go and you obviously want people here to agree with you so what’s to say?

I don't want people to agree with me!!

I'm asking if I was unreasonable for what I said.

You are completely unreasonable with the tone you used. I would have been so annoyed with you!! A little bit of kindness goes along way, you've no idea what's happening behind closed doors. I understand you had a point to make but there's a lot more appropriate ways to do it, especially at a baby group where there's bound to be a lot of sleepless nights and hormones bouncing around.

Be a descent SIL and call to make sure that both her and the baby are ok.

@spaghettihoops16

You are completely unreasonable with the tone you used. I would have been so annoyed with you!! A little bit of kindness goes along way, you've no idea what's happening behind closed doors. I understand you had a point to make but there's a lot more appropriate ways to do it, especially at a baby group where there's bound to be a lot of sleepless nights and hormones bouncing around.

Be a descent SIL and call to make sure that both her and the baby are ok.

I probably will call her at some point but I do feel pretty annoyed with her right now.

Just think she was so careless bringing the baby to the class.
It's pretty selfish to put others at risk.

Sil is a stupid, selfish bitch.

You had a go at her and surprised she walked off? People don't like being told off. Far better ways of tackling the situation.

Not unreasonable in what you said, he’s unreasonable if you told her off sternly

urgh red cheeks are a teething symptom, also you can tell by touching back or chest if a baby is hotter than what they should be. I probably would of told you to piss off and trusted my own judgement. not sure who people think they are atm

@KatherineJaneway

You had a go at her and surprised she walked off? People don't like being told off. Far better ways of tackling the situation.

I didn't have a go at her.

I just said to her "I think you've been a bit irresponsible brining her to this class, if she's got a temp you should arrange a test"

They were my words.

Probably teething. I think you were being unreasonable, sorry.

I would probably have gone down the route of should niece be out if under the weather rather than "She's put me, my baby, and all the other mums and babies at risk!"

At risk of what?

A cold?

How close are all the adults & babies getting?

@diddl

I would probably have gone down the route of should niece be out if under the weather rather than "She's put me, my baby, and all the other mums and babies at risk!"

At risk of what?

A cold?

How close are all the adults & babies getting?

@diddl

I didn't say that to her about the risks.
That's just what I thought.

At risk of what?

A cold?*

We're in the middle of a pandemic.
Having a temperature is a symptom of Covid.
A risk of Covid. And the babies are mobile so whilst we all did everything we could to keep distance, at times it was difficult.

You didn't say it where other Mum's could hear did you?

@Spied

You didn't say it where other Mum's could hear did you?

@Spied

No. I didn't.

I didn't shout. I didn't even raise my voice.

When I say I was stern I mean that I was a bit miffed with her.

I think what you said was fine. It was very irresponsible of her.

Yeah you were awful and owe her an apology.

Glad she told you to get a grip but what a shame you spoiled her day.

No, actually I think you were right to say what you did.

Her older child is off school with a 'cold', which I presume means cough/temp etc otherwise she wouldn't be off. The baby has a temp needing treatment and is displaying signs of being unwell in their behaviour.

Unless you're going to drip-feed that the older child had been tested and come back negative the day before, she shouldn't have had the child in a group like that (or in fact out at all!), and if you as a relative with kids of a similar age can't point that out quietly to her, who should?

This is going to be our Autumn/Winter. If we don't want that '2nd wave', we are all going to have to treat anyone with Covid symptoms as though that's what they have. It sucks that they overlap with common ailments, but that's where we are. There can't be any assumption of anything else, any of this its 'insert other thing here' or 'I know what I feel like with a cold' until the possibility of Covid has been ruled out by testing.

If I had to take a test every time one of my kids had a temperature, there'd be none left for anyone else! Teething is renowned for hot red cheeks, and a low grade fever. You may have the right to be a little concerned, although personally I think you're being massively OTT but you dealt with it by appointing yourself as head girl and giving her a ticking off, probably embarrassing her and making yourself look a right royal pain in the process. You have some apologising to do.

No idea why it was your business? You could have decided to leave. Because she is your SIL gives you what right to talk to her sternly? You've made it difficult for your relationship now. Maybe take your self in hand and note that you find it difficult when she does things like that but think of the bigger picture? Maybe she's worried about her baby and you shooting your mouth off did not help?

@upsidedownwavylegs

Glad she told you to get a grip but what a shame you spoiled her day.

She spoiled my day! Bringing an unwell baby to a class during a pandemic!!