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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with SIL?!

111 replies

hellotothesun · 11/09/2020 11:47

Today I went to a baby class and my sister in law came to the same one.

I noticed my niece looked very red on her cheeks!

I asked my SIL if my niece was okay and she said she'd been unsettled and hot all morning so she'd given her some Calpol but said she hadn't taken her temperature.

They have an older daughter who's currently off school with a cold so she thought maybe the baby was getting the cold but she'd put the red cheeks down to teething.

I told my SIL (quite sternly) that she was being really irresponsible bringing the baby to a class when she could potentially have a temperature.
She's put me, my baby, and all the other mums and babies at risk!

My SIL stormed out and told me to get a grip...

Was I unreasonable?!

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2020 22:01

Ultimately, I imagine the rooms running the class probably need to do a temperature check at the door, and turn away anyone whose temperature us elevated. Then no 'stern words' need to be had with anyone. Maybe OP could volunteer?

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2020 22:01

Groups not rooms

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2020 22:02

Typos galore. Sorry

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 11/09/2020 22:06

I think you were being very unreasonable. Loads of kids have the cold just now. If you were my sil and you told me "sternly" that you thought I was irresponsible, I would probably have told you to fuck off.

Thingsarel00kingup · 11/09/2020 22:13

Covid aside, red cheeks are also a symptom of Slapped Cheek, which is highly contagious and can cause miscarriage in the first twelve weeks. (Which I've experienced after catching it from a relatives child) YANBU OP - I wish more people would point out the consequences of others' selfish behaviour.

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2020 22:29

Red cheeks in babies are more likely a symptom of teething than slapped cheek. And red cheeks on babies can relate to so many things, it's impossible to say.

Original poster
hellotothesun · 11/09/2020 23:11

@CandyLeBonBon

Ultimately, I imagine the rooms running the class probably need to do a temperature check at the door, and turn away anyone whose temperature us elevated. Then no 'stern words' need to be had with anyone. Maybe OP could volunteer?
@CandyLeBonBon

Funny!!

You'd be thanking me if it was your children I was protecting!

OP posts:
Original poster
hellotothesun · 11/09/2020 23:14

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I think you were being very unreasonable. Loads of kids have the cold just now. If you were my sil and you told me "sternly" that you thought I was irresponsible, I would probably have told you to fuck off.
@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Pre Covid I'd agree with you!

But we're in the middle of a pandemic.

ANY symptoms = stay at home and get a test!!!!

OP posts:
Venicelover · 11/09/2020 23:28

You have no idea if the baby/any baby had a temperature though do you?

Maybe you could volunteer for the door?

ratsrule · 11/09/2020 23:31

@Cherrybalm

urgh red cheeks are a teething symptom, also you can tell by touching back or chest if a baby is hotter than what they should be. I probably would of told you to piss off and trusted my own judgement. not sure who people think they are atm
This. Presumably, SIL knows a teething baby when she sees one. Are we literally putting everything down to coronavirus now?
CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2020 23:36

@hellotothesun it was a genuine suggestion. My youngest is 12, eldest 18 and I remember the constant stress over illness, temperatures and feral malaise. BUT, kids come down with stuff all the time that is most likely not Covid. It would be sensible under the circumstances for group providers to do a temp check. Then it means that it's an impartial decision rather than a personal one.

And don't worry op, I've been through the stage you're going through. It's tough and you have my sympathy. But I'm managing three teens/almost teens and trust me you have far more control of their whereabouts at the ages yours are, than you do when they're tiny so please be reassured that in spite of your concerns, we're all doing our but to make sure everyone stays safe.

Babies get hot, cranky, snotty and often go through any number of low level fevers tjat can it be explained, and are probably, statistically, least likely to pass on Covid. Mainly because of their very limited social network. However, If your providers offer a temp checking system it might be a way of reassuring nervous parents.

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2020 23:37

Febrile not feral. Although there might be some relevance there!

CandyLeBonBon · 11/09/2020 23:39

Apols for awful typos. I promise I'm literate Grin

DalzielandPaxo · 11/09/2020 23:45

A classic MN pile on. What a shock. Hmm

I think you’re getting a hard time, @hellotothesun maybe there was an alternative way of saying it but your SIL sounds like a dope.

LunchBoxPolice · 12/09/2020 00:03

The rules are quite clear. Everyone with a temperature should get a COVID test and isolate until they do

Agree. Yanbu to be annoyed op.

Osirus · 12/09/2020 00:42

YABU.

You do not KNOW the baby had a Covid symptom. Did you take its temperature?

You are THAT in law.

happystone · 12/09/2020 01:16

You are right she is wrong she stormed off because she nows she wrong.

happystone · 12/09/2020 01:18

If your baby may not be well why go to baby group.the sister in law is a dick

ConfusedDotCom123 · 12/09/2020 01:24

There are baby classes running ?? Miss those terribly and I didn’t know they’re back!

Sorry off topic. YABU for the tone

ConfusedDotCom123 · 12/09/2020 01:25

But ur right I’m surprised she took the baby in putting everyone else at risk including her baby

KatherineJaneway · 12/09/2020 05:58

I didn't have a go at her.

I just said to her "I think you've been a bit irresponsible brining her to this class, if she's got a temp you should arrange a test"

They were my words.

And I quote I told my SIL (quite sternly) that she was being really irresponsible

It is not just the words you used, it is the tone in which you said them. You seem to be back peddling but quite sternly to me is giving a telling off. Much better ways to have handled the situation.

Minesril · 12/09/2020 06:35

If you think a baby needs to stay at home after having calpol due to pain from teething, that suggests that adults also need to stay home after having paracetamol due to headache/toothache etc. No?

Ps; my baby is teething. I'm still taking him to classes.

phoenixrosehere · 12/09/2020 06:45

It is not just the words you used, it is the tone in which you said them.

This! Tone is everything.

We all weren’t there but by your comments
and the way you are answering other people’s responses, you told her off.

You said:

You told her in a stern tone

You were miffed at her..

You told her she was irresponsible.

All that adds up to you telling her off likely in front of a group of people and she stormed off embarrassed.

Considering you only have one child and this is likely your first, I can see why you said something, however your SIL has two and likely knows way more about children (including teething) than you so it may be why she brought her baby.

You should have left it up to the group leader to decide and they should also be taking temperatures anyway as parents and babies arrive and making sure everyone is wearing a mask (who can), washing/sanitising their hands, and social distancing. Parents are more likely to spread it than babies and as others have mentioned people can be asymptomatic so even you could have it and not know it or one of the other parents. Nurseries are taking little ones temperature before they enter so there is little excuse why baby groups can’t do the same.

You can’t control other people’s choices but you can control your own and you’ve chosen to go to a baby group as your SIL has and taken the risk to take your baby to a baby group with different households.

Anyway, if I had been one of the other parents there, I would have internally eye-rolled you and thought you a bit rude if you said this in front of the group because I know the risk I’m taking going to a baby group as I bet most people do and as alongside as all other things were in place (washed/sanitised hands, masks worn by those who can, and social distanced) I wouldn’t be worried unless she couldn’t settle her baby and decided to stay.

Lindy2 · 12/09/2020 07:01

If a baby needs a dose of calpol to feel well enough to attend a class then right now, in a global pandemic, that baby should not be attending a class.

The calpol will disguise any temperature for a short period of time so could be covering up potential Covid symptoms for the time baby is mixing with others. How is that fair on the other people there?

A lot of people on this thread don't seem to have grasped the fact that right now things are very different and people need to change some of the things they used to do.

At the moment it's not ok now to dose any child with calpol before sending them to a class, nursery, childminder, grandparents or school. It's very irresponsible and the OP was right to call her SIL out on it

Lindy2 · 12/09/2020 07:04

Nurseries are taking little ones temperature before they enter so there is little excuse why baby groups can’t do the same.

But the SIL had chosen to deliberately hide any temperature this baby had by giving Calpol before the class.

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