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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give neither child an en suite??

426 replies

HamRadio · 10/09/2020 23:46

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

OP posts:
WeeMadArthur · 11/09/2020 10:32

@HamRadio

Your 9yr old won't stay 9 forever... She will appreciate the privacy and will feel very grown up I imagine

I do appreciate this. But my six year old won’t stay six forever either and I’m sure would also appreciate the privacy. So why should the older one get it by default?

Yes, but if the eldest gets an en-suite room then your 6 year old also gets privacy as she will be the only one who needs to use the family bathroom for getting ready in the morning. Three bathrooms, three sets of people, simple.
Sewrainbow · 11/09/2020 10:37

Definitely keep ensuite as guest/office room.

ParisianLady · 11/09/2020 10:39

Wow, she's 9. She's a child. She doesn't need an en suite, and she needs to learn that sulking won't get her what she wants.

Of course that room is a sensible guest room and office space. It's lovely to give guests some privacy, and I know my elderly relatives much prefer having their own bathroom.

You're the adult, it's your house, you decide. You don't need to feel guilty or justify your decision to her. She still gets a lovely bedroom and a bathroom she shares with her sister, she's hardly suffering an injustice here.

We have several en suites and none of them are for the children in our house, they share the family bathroom very happily.

longtompot · 11/09/2020 10:42

Sorry not read the whole thread so not read if this has been asked already.

I would do the room with the second en-suite as a nice guest suite. But, is there any way it could be turned into a jack n jill bathroom between both the girls rooms?

theemmadilemma · 11/09/2020 10:42

Not fair on the youngest if the oldest gets one. 3 years is nothing as they get older into teens. Plus it makes much more sense to keep the room for guest so they have an en-suite.

Blackbear19 · 11/09/2020 10:42

Yes, but if the eldest gets an en-suite room then your 6 year old also gets privacy as she will be the only one who needs to use the family bathroom for getting ready in the morning. Three bathrooms, three sets of people, simple.

And what happens when the two people who share a bathroom (the parents) both need to get ready at the same time?

The adults share one ensuite, girls share family bathroom, 2nd ensuite is kept spare so it can be used by who ever needs it / wants to use it.

MrsMcMuffins · 11/09/2020 10:44

Our en-suite is a loft conversion for those shocked that we gave it to a child. DH and I only sleep in our bedroom and sharing the bathroom for 4 of us have never been a problem. Lots of families of 4 share one bathroom just fine I am sure. We all get up at different times and I shower in the gym every morning anyway.
In our house the kids have the biggest bedrooms as they spend more time there and bring friends. DH and I only need a bed to sleep inSmile

sugarbum · 11/09/2020 10:49

I agree actually. The girls should have the family bathroom, and the en-suite bedroom should be for guests.

Our fourth bedroom is a single (our boys both now have doubles and we have an en-suite in our room) and it would be lovely if the spare room was an en-suite.
I'm currently in there as its my office at the mo whilst I work from home, and its pretty cramped. I also camp out in here when DH is being particularly annoying with his sleep shouting.

IntermittentParps · 11/09/2020 10:51

long, no, the OP says it couldn't be turned into a Jack and Jill bathroom. (I'd never heard that phrase and had to look it up!)

waddlemyway · 11/09/2020 10:55

A) it’s always a pleasure to have an en suite as a guest in someone’s home. Especially if all/most of the host family is using the other bathroom.
B) if you are WFH while the kids are around then it is definitely a major plus point to be able to go to the loo and get a glass of water without the kids thinking you are coming downstairs to play with them.
C) they might be 6 and 9 now, but what about when they are both teenagers? How will you justify the (un)fairness nevermind manage it? Change rooms every year?! Urgh, no!

It’s a no-brainer surely?!

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 11/09/2020 10:59

Surely you could give the 6 year old the big family bathroom all to her self?

Jaxhog · 11/09/2020 11:00

You're making the right decision Op. Don't create a rift for the future by giving one DD an en-suite and not the other. I'm going to assume that you have a downstairs cloakroom for casual guests. So, unless you have many guests, your DDs will be the only ones using the family bathroom upstairs. Why not make that their shared bathroom, and let them choose how it looks?

Intrepidintrovert · 11/09/2020 11:02

It’s a bit odd to say it’s unfair for one to have it so neither should have it. What a pointless waste of a room. You buy a house for the people that live there not for the guests! They’ll use it anyway so then it’s just an extra family bathroom off an office.

TheLastStarfighter · 11/09/2020 11:02

Makes sense for the room with the ensuite to be guest-room/office.

Fluffybutter · 11/09/2020 11:06

Madness ..
Just let the 9 year old have it , there’s 3 years between them so she’ll be in her teens before the 6 year old .
It’s like those who give the younger kid a present on the older ones birthday so they “don’t feel left out”..

Morgan12 · 11/09/2020 11:10

Your house sounds really nice! I'd love to see a floor plan.

ancientgran · 11/09/2020 11:10

So what happens when the younger one is 9, 10, 11, 12 she just has to accept she is 2nd child 2nd rate.

I don't understand all the privacy issues, don't most bathrooms have doors?

honeylulu · 11/09/2020 11:10

Guest room definitely. If no guests family members are free to go in and use it but it isn't allocated to any of them in particular. I suggest that you make it a rule that if the girls use it they need to clear up after themselves.

When we were looking for a house we had this strop from teenage son who wanted the room with the ensuite (it wasn't suitable for us because it was a loft conversion and wouldn't have fitted our bed and wardrobes). Our view was that it wasn't fair if he had a bathroom to himself and the rest of us all shared one. If it was the guest suite then any of us could troop through and use it as a second bathroom. It was a significant factor in not buying that house!

TinySleepThief · 11/09/2020 11:11

@Fluffybutter

Madness .. Just let the 9 year old have it , there’s 3 years between them so she’ll be in her teens before the 6 year old . It’s like those who give the younger kid a present on the older ones birthday so they “don’t feel left out”..
It's nothing like that situation?

The 9 year old has no need for a bathroom of her own and if she gets it then she will most likely use it as something to brag about against her sister at some point.

There is only 3 years between them so they will both be in their teens at the same time albeit one a mere 3 years older. Thinking ahead would you say a 17 year old had a greater need than an almost 15 year old? The OP is correct that this will most likely cause resentment and therefore it seems daft to create a situation which would lead to them arguing when it can be so easily avoided.

LadyCatStark · 11/09/2020 11:13

How often do you have guests though?

We’ve just moved to a house with 2 en-suites and I did wonder what happens if you have more than one child. We don’t, so DS has the en-suite room and the ‘family bathroom’ is saved for guest.

With 2 children, I’d give one the en-suite and one the family bathroom for themself.

If you have guests, let them use the family bathroom and your DDs can share the en-suite for that time.

lynsey91 · 11/09/2020 11:15

No way does a 9 year old need her own bathroom. Also not fair on the younger child. I would not think for even 1 second of letting one of the children have the room.

Definitely keep as a guest room but also maybe use as an office. I would use it as a reading room personally. Book shelves all round the walls, comfy chair etc.

I am another poster who has never lived in a house with more than 1 bathroom. I grew up with 2 siblings and not only did we all have to share the one bathroom, me and my siblings had to share a room until I left home at 22! Shock horror

I don't know how my neighbours cope, must of whom have 3 or more children but all in houses with only 1 bathroom. I can think of families close by where there are the 2 parents and 3 grown up children all living there

Rosebel · 11/09/2020 11:37

So you have 2 en suite rooms but you're not going to use one of them. That seems pointless. They'll both have their own bathroom it's just the youngest will have the main bathroom which will probably be bigger than her sisters. So no way she can brag about it. Or can you add an en suite to the other room?
Does your youngest even care about her sister having an en suite?

VinylDetective · 11/09/2020 11:41

I completely agree with you, that’s exactly what I’d do, OP. It’s the only way to be fair. You and your husband make the decision, nobody else gets a say.

Fluffybutter · 11/09/2020 11:42

Y’all have issues .
It’s a bathroom ffs .
Talking about resentment and shite like that .
This is why we have to give medals to all kids on sports days so no one is ever upset

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 11/09/2020 11:42

I agree to keep as spare room/office. You can always change your mind in future if your needs change.

Your DS's could always use it if they have friends over for a sleepover.

I love staying with friends who have an ensuite!