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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give neither child an en suite??

426 replies

HamRadio · 10/09/2020 23:46

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

OP posts:
MrsMcMuffins · 11/09/2020 10:01

We have one en-suite only and we gave it to our eldest child who was 9 when we moved in. DH and I and two other children share a bath room. My other children have not expressed resentfulness and we don’t have guests to justify it as an empty room most of the time.
I agree with your DD. Let her enjoy it. The 6 year old will get other things.
My son has really enjoyed having the en-suite especially now he has a girlfriend.
I am personally not bothered by ensuites for me and DH so never thought of it as a massive deal other than that it would be nice for a child to enjoy it.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 11/09/2020 10:01

Is DD, 9 going to clean said ensuite? No? guest room

Or, give them the option, they share the larger room with ensuite or have separate rooms without.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/09/2020 10:02

YANBU

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 11/09/2020 10:03

A study with an en suite is great as you don't have to emerge and get distracted.

Yes! I dread having to leave my space because we only have 5min breaks and I want to nip to the look and back but someone always wants something!

Having an ensuite WFH space would be bliss!

IntermittentParps · 11/09/2020 10:05

I'm 45 and I don't have an ensuite.
I think your solution is fairer. And it won't be 'barely used' if it's an office, anyway; it'll get heavy use and IME it's good and important to have a decent workspace if you work at home.

It's nothing to do with your sister.

fruitpastille · 11/09/2020 10:06

If you have lots of guests then keep the ensuite bedroom as a spare. However you could still let dd1 use the bathroom in there. Or they can both just use whichever is free so it doesn't 'belong' to either of them but is still used regularly.

If you really feel that dd2 gets an unfair deal usually then give her the ensuite as she will be living in the house more years so will get more use from it.

TinySleepThief · 11/09/2020 10:06

We have one en-suite only and we gave it to our eldest child who was 9 when we moved in. DH and I and two other children share a bath room.

Am I misunderstanding this? Since 9 years old ome of your children has had sole use of a bathroom in your house whilst the 4 other members of the family share?? That's utterly mad.

tornadoalley · 11/09/2020 10:06

Unless you are using your 'guest suite' on a monthly basis, I think the older child should have it. At 9 they can manage most of their hygiene needs, and will soon be having periods so will need this privacy. It's crazy to leave a bathroom empty while the 2 girls fight over the family bathroom. DD2 can effectively have the family bathroom to herself, so it's win win.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/09/2020 10:07

@MrsMcMuffins

We have one en-suite only and we gave it to our eldest child who was 9 when we moved in. DH and I and two other children share a bath room. My other children have not expressed resentfulness and we don’t have guests to justify it as an empty room most of the time. I agree with your DD. Let her enjoy it. The 6 year old will get other things. My son has really enjoyed having the en-suite especially now he has a girlfriend. I am personally not bothered by ensuites for me and DH so never thought of it as a massive deal other than that it would be nice for a child to enjoy it.
Why would 1 person have their own bathroom and 4 other people have to share one, surely the better option would be for 2 people to share the en suite (you and your DH) and 3 kids to share the other, makes so much more sense .........each to their own I guess
MrsClatterbuck · 11/09/2020 10:12

We have a spare room with an ensuite which is brilliant when having people to stay. We combined the spare room with the bathroom by moving a door. I would certainly appreciate if staying in someone's home if they had one. I remember the days when hotels didn't always have an ensuite.

The girls will be fine sharing a bathroom and perhaps when they are older and getting ready to go out one might then use the ensuite. I think it might cause resentment further down the line especially if they end up living at home for one reason or another in early twenties and the older ones still laying claim to the ensuite or the younger one is still living at home and the older one lives away but the unused ensuite to be kept for her use when she comes home for a visit.

minipie · 11/09/2020 10:14

Totally agree with you OP. Guest room slash office gets the en suite.

As the girls get older and are competing for the family bathroom more, you could say that one of them can use the en suite as “their” bathroom as long as they clear it out when you have guests. That’s our plan.

They can still use that bathroom even if the attached bedroom is not their bedroom, they will just have to walk through the guest room. Not a problem when noone is staying.

lastqueenofscotland · 11/09/2020 10:15

YANBU we had similar in my childhood home and the second en-suite was the guest room. Stopped any arguments

Bikingbear · 11/09/2020 10:17

@MrsMcMuffins

We have one en-suite only and we gave it to our eldest child who was 9 when we moved in. DH and I and two other children share a bath room. My other children have not expressed resentfulness and we don’t have guests to justify it as an empty room most of the time. I agree with your DD. Let her enjoy it. The 6 year old will get other things. My son has really enjoyed having the en-suite especially now he has a girlfriend. I am personally not bothered by ensuites for me and DH so never thought of it as a massive deal other than that it would be nice for a child to enjoy it.
You gave a 9yo an ensuite for what reason?

So 5 people in a house 1 gets their own bathroom and the other 4 shareShock

Surely it makes more sense for the two adults to get the ensuite and for the 3 kids to share Hmm?

BrowncoatWaffles · 11/09/2020 10:19

We have this conundrum too. Our current thinking is that the bedroom with the second en suite stays as the guest room. Similarly, right now it also has a desk in the corner which DH is using for working from home. En suite means he can stay shut away (in Zoom-mageddon) as necessary and can nip to the loo without heading into the main house.

We might change things around as the DC get older but right now they're better off sharing the family bathroom, and when people visit giving them space and their own bathroom minimises disruption for everyone.

6PEOPLEONLY · 11/09/2020 10:20

3 bathrooms to clean. Fuck that. The kids can share a bathroom and you have your en-suite. The contained room with en-suite is a perfect guest/office room.

CareBear50 · 11/09/2020 10:22

O would put them both in non ensuite bedrooms. One uses ensuite. One uses main bathroom. When guests stay the ensuite is used by guests and two girls use main bathroom

ShakespearesSisters · 11/09/2020 10:22

We have the same set up. Ensuite for us and one in "guest" room ( the only guest curently is the towering piles if stuff I need to declutter) . However they can use the bathroom in it. The younger one DD age 6 keeps her tooth brush and shower stuff in there and DD age 8 used family bathroom.

CorianderLord · 11/09/2020 10:24

Guests need a private loo more

VividImagination · 11/09/2020 10:27

We only have one en-suite. My middle son has it. I would give an e-suite room to each of the girls and you and dh have the family bathroom.

Knowhowufeel2 · 11/09/2020 10:27

I would keep it as a guest room.

CorianderLord · 11/09/2020 10:27

As the younger sibling I slept in a single bed until I was 18 while my sister had a large double bedroom.

It was irritating and feels a bit like you're the 'least important' person in the house.

A teenage girl will make that bathroom an utter state.

CallarMorvern · 11/09/2020 10:29

Haven't read all the replies, so sorry if I am repeating. But is the ensuite located in a way that you could convert it into a jack and Jill bathroom, so they could then share it?

bingoitsadingo · 11/09/2020 10:30

We had the same set-up growing up. Spare room had the en-suite. Much nicer for guests, and also means most of the time you only need to clean two bathrooms not three which is a bonus!

SunshineBubbles · 11/09/2020 10:31

I wish I had this predicament, my child’s bedroom is the size of a shoe box and we share one (small) family bathroom.

I would use it as an office and guest room. 6 and 9 year olds don’t need en-suites. Revisit when the 9 year old is in her teens. If you give her the room as a teen, make sure the younger girl gets it when she moves out (even temporarily for uni).

Alternatively, why not make it into a play/study space for the girls so they can share the bathroom? You could include a fold-out bed for your occasional guests.

Another option is let them have it on rota, a year each?

IntermittentParps · 11/09/2020 10:31

I would give an e-suite room to each of the girls and you and dh have the family bathroom.

Fuck that.

I know I just sound old and tweedy but I think this all sounds like a recipe for spoilt prima donna children.

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