To give neither child an en suite??

[HamRadio]

Yes - first world problems I know.

My kids are 9 and 6. Two girls. We are about to move house and two of the bigger bedrooms have an en suite.

DH and I are having one. The other I was going to make a guest room/office. There are two decent sized bedrooms for the girls.

DD9 wants the en suite. She has been going on and on about it but I don’t want to give it to her.

Firstly, a nine year old does not need a bloody en suite.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to let her have it and not DD2 so in my view the fairest solution is that neither of them has it (I feel like DD2 gets a lot of hand me downs etc and it’s an issue that I have become quite conscious of).

DH agrees with me but my sister thinks we are bonkers to make the second biggest bedroom a barely-used guest room and that it’s a waste of space.

Would appreciate some views...

I think maybe the 9 year old is very excited about all of the new possibilities at the new family home.
You could tell each child they can use it for one year each at a time, and give them a sponge and mop in their favourite colours, environmentally friendly cleaning products and tell them once a week they must clean the shower and toilet ( with your guidance) while they have it. Fantastic opportunity to get them having a go at bathroom cleaning from a young age !!!

Great for a guest room too. Either way, enjoy your new home

I would keep it as a guest room/study. You have so many more options this way. As your girls get older you might choose to rearrange.

I agree with you. If you had a 9 year old and a toddler it would be different, but they are too close in age for DD2 to always miss out.

YANBU I dont think a child should have a private bathroom tbh. I think it would be unsafe for some reason and they'd make a mess of it. I would love a guest room to have an ensuite though, it can feel so uncomfortable using the family bathroom at someone elses house, especially in the night or when everyone needs to get ready to go out and they're all milling about.

No I wouldn’t either, it’ll be a mess that mummy gets to clean. Plus not really fair on child 2.

@HamRadio

Your 9yr old won't stay 9 forever... She will appreciate the privacy and will feel very grown up I imagine

I do appreciate this. But my six year old won’t stay six forever either and I’m sure would also appreciate the privacy. So why should the older one get it by default?

Hi @HamRadio do you have 2 girls or boy girl? I would give one of the girls the en-suite (let's just say eldest as default) then the younger one gets the bigger family bathroom all to herself. Make them clean their own bathrooms.

I've written a longer post about why I think people should put needs of their children above guests. I think guests rooms that lay empty are a waste! (Speaking for myself as we only have guests a few times a year - a bit different if you have people staying all the time).

Giving one child the en-suite isn't selfish - the other child gets their own bathroom too

Do NOT do this to your 6 year old daughter

@Suzi888

No I wouldn’t either, it’ll be a mess that mummy gets to clean. Plus not really fair on child 2.

Child 2 gets the family bathroom all to themselves, which is likely to be bigger than the en-suites.

@HamRadio Does the floor plan let you turn the second ensuite into a jack and jill shared bathroom, if not now in future?

We live far away from family and often visit, needing to stay overnight. Some family we visit have an en-suite in their spare room and we are very grateful indeed for this. It makes such a difference to comfort and privacy, especially when arriving late at night after travelling for a long time.

I understand this is a massive luxury to have and it is not taken for granted. We really appreciate it.

Yanbu. If you only have 1 child I would give her it, but agree it’s not fair on your other dd.

@Nottherealslimshady

YANBU I dont think a child should have a private bathroom tbh. I think it would be unsafe for some reason and they'd make a mess of it. I would love a guest room to have an ensuite though, it can feel so uncomfortable using the family bathroom at someone elses house, especially in the night or when everyone needs to get ready to go out and they're all milling about.

Surely if you have guests you are close enough to to have stay over and socialise with, you could use the same bathroom?

Unless you want to do your makeup while they’re taking a shit, I really can’t see the problem.

But then I’ve never understood this “my bathroom is my sanctuary” nonsense. Shower, shit and shave, that’s what bathrooms are for.

I would do it your way.
We have a 3 story house. So me and my husband got the top floor, the kids got the middle. We got an ensuite, they got the “family” bathroom. Makes most sense. When they get a bit older (and we have the cash) I’m having the bath ripped out and a shower put in. Then having two doors from both bedrooms, lockable from the inside, so they both have a shared en suite.

Tell them it is for guests, but that they can sometimes use it for sleepovers or you will let them share it for special occasions so long as they don't argue and have movie nights as a reward.

Can the guestroom ensuite double as a study room for the girls homework and an office for the parents so that way it is being used by all until ye have occasional guests now and then.

Second ensuite as guest room/office.

We just moved, and my DS2 (also 6) was most put out that we got the biggest room with its own bathroom again :D

I like having a spare, tidy, empty room. I sometimes go and hide in it for some peace and tranquility from the chaos of the rest of the house.

Yes, I’d definitely keep the en-suite for guests. It’s really nice to have a separate bathroom as a guest, as bumping into someone semi-dressed or in the middle of the night can be the one awkward thing about staying over. Also that is one less bathroom to be cleaned. One bathroom between two girls is already quite generous IMO.

Op, I salute you in standing against en suite bathrooms for children!

My DP's niece had an en suite at the age of 11. When she went to university she was horrified to find she'd be expected to share a bathroom in standard on-site accommodation and refused to do so. Cost her parents a fortune to rent her a luxury en suite room off campus. When she came to London with a first job she spent almost all her salary on a large bedroom with en-suite in a high-end flatshare and wanted a cash top-up from dad each month. Now she's approaching 30, still working in London and without a penny saved she's started to calculate how much the en suites have cost her over the last decade and is about to move into a shared house in Tooting with one bathroom between three and a downstairs cloakroom. It will save her hundreds a month. She regards it as punishment for a crime she didn't commit.

En suites are one of the rewards of middle age. Children need to learn to share.

I would keep the the room with the ensuite as a guest bedroom. At the moment your 9 year old probably isn't mature enough to keep on top of cleaning it, it would just add to your own workload.

My middle sister had an ensuite whilst the rest of us siblings didn't. She asked for it when my dad extended our house and because she was diabetic (would often wake in the night to use it) it was the right call.

Chiming in to say I'd also keep the second en-suite as a spare for guests and an office. Its not fair for one girl to have an en-suite and if the other two bedrooms are similar as you say, then them sharing the family bathroom is fairer.

Also I really wouldn't want to clean an extra bathroom just because my 9 year old whined loudly enough! The going on and on about it would make me dig my heels in even more tbh.

I think your plan is perfect op. You younger DD will feel left out if older DD gets it just by default plus like pp said, it's an extra bathroom to clean regularly and unnecessarily. They can share the family bathroom, and the 2nd ensuite is kept nice for guests. Makes perfect sense. I wouldn't even entertain anything else as up for discussion, you are the parent, and your children sound like they are in a very privileged position to be moving to a lovely big new house with a room each. Remind dd1 of this, and how plenty of children are sharing tiny box rooms with multiple siblings, in high rise flats, and she's lucky to have running water and a roof over her head! Also, ignore your sister, she sounds like she's jealous of your set up if I'm honest. X

I know I’m in the minority but I really don’t understand en suites for anyone except guests. We have two downstairs bathrooms, which is plenty, and no en-suite for anyone. The only time I think an en-suite would be useful is attached to our spare room when guests come to stay.

I think your plan of giving neither girl an en-suite is perfect. It will be handy for guests. It avoids creating inequality between your children. The eldest getting the better stuff by default is not something I understand either, and I say that as an eldest child who enjoyed the benefits of that “rule” whilst being well aware of the unfairness of it.

I would keep the girls the same as well and leave the en suite for guests.

The older one might be pissed off for a while but better that than the younger one casting it up to you for the rest of your life!

Keep it as a guest room, it's nice for guests to have the space and you won't need to clean it constantly. 1 less bathroom to clean every few days is a plus believe me.

At one time we gave 16YO an en suite room ... big mistake it was constantly minging. I tried to give her lessons on cleaning it. She just wasn't as fussed as me. It annoyed me.