To think this mum should have been more concerned

[consideratealpaca]

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

I wish people would read the thread properly and see that OPs DD didn't spend £100 in one go! It was spread over months and if its something she enjoys then why not?! She couldn't spend it on activities due to lockdown and then restrictions. Better than spending £10 a week on useless tat for the landfill or sweets. My 14 DD has enjoyed gaming for a fair few years and she's had money to 'buy' items. She plays with a friend online and they build up stables and construct buildings. Set up horse competitions etc etc. Its not all mindless staring at a screen. I guess we've spent a fair bit over the years on games but i prefer that than having masses of neglected plastic tat accumulating. Id be mad too op. We have had similar in a game where DDd friends little brother logged on and destroyed alot of hard work out of spite. No money lost but lots of time and effort. Also yes my DD also enjoys the outside world too having been raised with actual real life horses and other physical activities.

Is the game roblox? And its theft at the end of the day, I'd be taking it alot more seriously, but also you need to explain to your daughter about being gullible, this other girl clearly had an agenda

If it’s roblox you’re referring to then you can contact them and they can look into it and will give the items back on a one time basis.

Similar incident happened with my her friend logged in and had helped herself to what she wanted, and then messaged her to brag about what she has just gotten. The thing with her is she trusted her friend with her log in details but the friend didn’t give hers over. The same child had tricked her earlier in the spring to do something with her account so she’d lost everything she had built. Her mum was also a knob about it which is frustrating. It’s hard because it’s only a game but the principal and behaviour is the same as if something physical was taken. It’s definitely character building for them.

I also wouldn’t have let her spend £100 on the basis of the value of that compared to what she’s getting but different horses for different courses and all of that. Again it will teach her and I do believe sometimes they’ve got to learn the hard way especially when they don’t listen.

As for the other parent it’s probably best to leave it and bring in boundaries so your daughter isn’t interacting with the other child so much online or in person, she’s no friend to do that to her and it will only continue in other ways.

I’m with the other mum on this one. If it’s just about apologies and stuff, they should be left to sort it out among themselves. I’d only have approached the other mum to either make her aware of what her kid had done, or to ask for the money back. The rest is between them.

I think I agree with this. I assumed the point in telling the other mum was to actually try and sort out the situation or let her know what her child had done in the hopes of some resolution.

If it really was a case of 'I would like your child to apologise'..then I kind of do see why a 'its between them' approach might be taken. Though I think in the situation, I would probably still ask my child to apologise..it des seem a little bit petty if thats all that was expected? Though I am of course 100% on your side given how bad the child behaved and how it should not have happened.

Better than spending £10 a week on useless tat for the landfill or sweets.

Yeah, maybe, but those aren't the only alternatives!

I know that lots of parents of gaming children will disagree, but I'd be really concerned if my dd was wasting that kind of money on games. I do think it suggests an unhealthy addiction that needs to be addressed.

My eldest child would have been in your daughter's shoes. That said .. if he'd been the other kid.... I'd have been fucking furious. I'd have made him return it all.... AND some of his own stuff to make amends. Then likely a good week away from the game. Sounds like that other parent is a shit.

I also wanted to ask... Have you recovered yet account and discovered it all gone? Cause maybe the other girl changed the password thinking that was all she'd have to do to get the stuff?

yes the other mom is raising a thief.

I just worked it out for context, because I can’t believe how many people were incensed at the wee girl spending her money on a game. Since January my kids have each spent (of their own money) at least £96 on gaming, between an Xbox game pass and the fortnight battle pass. So entirely compatible in value and gameplay to OP’s daughter.

I think that’s entirely reasonable. They’ve been cooped up in lockdown; it has kept them distracted and let them play with their friends. It’s pretty much the only thing they have bought other than a couple of books, and it averages £2.60 per week.

I assume all of those saying it is shocking saved every penny they got when they were children. No sweets. No magazines or “pocket money toys”. No stationary, sparkly pens, scented pencils.

I was a bit shocked at your daughter having £400.

However i do feel sorry for her as they do really get into the game and they can great enjoyment.

What her "friend" did was theft. It is wrong and i hope the mother has talked to her daughter about it.

I hope you get through to the "game ppl" to explain it all.
I would use the situation to teach about cybersecurity to your children and i don't think I'd allow them to spend so much money on a game again.

Some of these replies!! My boys spend 8 pounds a month each on fortnite, from their own pocket money . Yeh I think it's stupid but I keep my mouth shut because ,guess what , it's THEIR money , to spend as they choose!
OP don't you realise this is Mumsnet , where people's children don't play ever Roblox and are perfectly content with arts and crafts and a jigsaw puzzle ?!

"Maybe she's secretly judging you for allowing your 9 year old to spend £100 on an online game."

Person A has their own money and makes a decision to spend some of it on an item related to their hobby. Other people think it's a waste of money and that it's a silly hobby, but it makes person A happy.

Person B wants what person A has, so they take it.

Ignore what you think about the daughter's hobby and spending choices, and focus on the dirty little thief. I'd choose to waste my own money over stealing somebody else's any day.

I think you need to write it off to experience. Your dd left a birthday present that cost £100 somewhere that someone could steal it. A bit like leaving her bike in the street. She'll know better next time.

Also, I cannot imagine allowing a 9yo to waste £100 on digital rubbish. Wouldn't it be better to teach your child the value of money.

@katy1213

I'm astonished that you'd allow a 9year old to gamble. But perhaps this is an early lesson that fools and their money are soon parted.

Ffs it's not gambling 🙄

You can report her account to the gaming team and tell them what she has done, they will terminate her account and hopefully give your DD her things back, but see her mum is not getting involved, let's see how that changes when you tell her to expect a visit from the Police for theft.

@AlternativePerspective

This is a salutary lesson for the pair of you.

Your daughter has given her online details away to another child who has then used them.

And you have failed to parent your child properly. £100 on virtual shite which will be gone tomorrow? And not supervising your child to the extent she was able to give someone else her login details. These games are frequented by all sorts. You’re lucky it was only a girl in her class, it could have been a paedophile masquerading as a child...

The lower age for WhatsApp now is sixteen btw.

My DS was having this conversation with a family member recently whose parent lets their children play on roblocks or whatever the hell it’s called. Said children are also nine, and it’s not possible to exclude strangers from contacting you.

DS is seventeen. It took him about fifteen seconds to find this child’s profile

No sympathy here sorry.

I’d tell the DD it served her right for giving out her details, would then give her a stern talking to and would then remove all access to online games of any sort, and if I ever gave it back any spending would be controlled by an adult not a fucking nine year old child...

It is possible to stop strangers contacting you, it is in the settings.

£100 since January is just under 3 quid a week. You can't even buy a weekly comic for under £3 these days. This is not a terrible amount to have spent on a game over 9 months if someone enjoys online games.

@jrb123

Oh ffs don't be so judgemental. Just ignore all these harridans, OP.

Exactly! Ignore these perfect parents. @consideratealpaca

These are the type who put their kids to bed then neck bottles of wine and think that's acceptable!

Struggling to see how a 9 year old will truly understand the value of money if she's just given £400 for her birthday. Assuming a lot of this comes from extended family but still. Of course £100 seems like an okay amount for her to spend (completely waste) on her game, doesn't matter to her as she's got £300 left! If she was my child she'd be given £50 maximum and I would put the rest in a savings account for her towards a house deposit etc when she's old enough to use it sensibly. If £400 is a standard birthday amount she'll have a good lump sum by the time she's looking to leave home and actually needs it.

With the online games my Gal used to play, the ''items'' were earned through progressing via various stages of the game. I am most concerned that an online game aimed at a younger market, is charging to ''buy'' things once the original game has been purchased by an adult.

Ultimately where does the 100 pounds end up? Certainly not in either child's pocket.

is there no regulatory body in the UK who monitors these things?

For everyone getting wound up you can just read the OP as

"Dd spent her birthday money on toys, 100 in total over time"

That's all they are toys. Are pretend diamonds any less pointless than pretend people, animals and vehicles?

@sassafras123

A nine year old with 100 quid ? To spend on gaming? Why is she doing this at that age? Come on be responsible act like a parent do things with her interact let her be a child. I feel sorry for kids these days that have to depend on games for entertainment. They are missing out on the real world. I know it can be difficult at times depending on circumstances but this is your child and you should be interacting together going out exploring the world not spending money on gaming.

I used to think like this and then I got my head out of my arse and realised that this is how kids play now, especially through lockdown.

Just to reiterate for the 'cancel the cheque' brigade;
It's not gambling in any way shape or form
The money wasn't spent in one go but over-a long period of time and equates to less than most kids get for pocket money.
Buying items like this on a game is equivalent of buying more Lego so you can make your build bigger.
Games are regulated in the same way that films are so there is no indication that OP is a terrible parent.

There are lots of skills for the new world that people can attain through gaming, there are lucrative careers to be had and skills which are transferable to non gaming careers.

Maybe step into the current age and understand the world your kids are growing up into.

Good luck with contacting the gaming platform. FWIW my dd is 12. This could recently have been her but she changed all her passwords before a big fall out with a former friend. Last time they fell out because dd wanted to be friends with children she doesn’t like, she stole a couple of her Roblox pets and badmouthed dd. The latter condoned by her mother. She also stole money from outside a house selling tomato plants and is now a former friend after a recent fall out. There is much more. I haven’t told the mother any of this as she thinks the girl is perfect.

It’s no use discussing with this mentality of person. She will only turn it back on you. I do think your approach was wrong. I also hate confrontation, which is why I said nothing. You should have been seeking your dds property returned rather than an apology. I get that is hard.

*Our children get birthday money from grandparents, this gets put into bonds. It is certainly not available for gambling.

The other child is a thief, and that’s wrong. But you have only yourself to blame for letting that happen.*

Ffs sake its not gambling and she didn't spend the whole amount on gaming it was 1/4. Its really none of your business how much someone else's child gets for their birthday.

Thats like saying the OP let this little girl come tongwr house to play and she stole some of her dds toys, how would the op then oy have herself to blame? What utter crap.

Op ignore the judgement. I'm sure none of these posters even so much as let their child look at an iPad during lockdown. Superiority seekers that's all.

My ds9 plays on a similar game and does occasionally spend money on it but it's more like a fiver here and there rather than hundreds. I would be livid if I found out another child had hacked into his account and took his money. But as you've acknowledged it's a lesson to your dd about the problems of handing out logon details. The company may refund your money but it doesn't sound like you'll get anywhere with the mother. I'm not sure I would have approached her after she ignored your message but I don't think I could have resisted saying something like 'oh you're ok with your daughter stealing then, ok' with a bit of a face.