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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this mum should have been more concerned

735 replies

consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 20:07

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

OP posts:

whirlwindwallaby · 12/09/2020 13:46

@bookmum08

whirlwind your child has never bought/been bought a comic, packet of crayons or a small Lego set in his life? Really? I am curious. What did he do/play with when he was 9?

He read graphic novels from the library. He had a set of coloured pencils. He had Lego for every birthday and Christmas from age 4 to 8. I didn't buy any little bits here and there for the sake of it though. At 9 he played Lego and rode his bike, made dens in the bush with his mate. He played Minecraft, Terraria and other games that you just buy once.

MintyMabel · 12/09/2020 14:11

Did you save during this pandemic? I dont think most of the country did given all the Parcel carriers were swamped

Our amazon box tower in the garage is a sight to behold.

At 9 he played Lego and rode his bike, made dens in the bush with his mate.

So pretty much the only one of those options for lockdown kids was playing with Lego. Would that keep him occupied for 4 months?

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 14:19

whirlwind ok that makes sense. Not all kids are into collectables etc. It's not buying little things for the sake of it though if it's something your child gets enjoyment and pleasure out of though. At 9 my daughter was into Moshi Monsters, Shopkins etc. She liked to collect them, sort them, trade them. She painted some to personalise them (which she has seen YouTube videos of people doing). She had collectors guide books which she studied.
It kept her busy, she enjoyed it, it gave her pleasure. So yes it was a lot of 'bits and bobs' bought over time but she has also had in the past more 'one off' expensive toys given at birthdays/Xmas that never really got played with.

jgjgjgjgjg · 12/09/2020 14:22

Before protesting loudly that they would 'never' let their child spend £100 on diamonds, perhaps people could bear in mind that everyone's circumstances are different. This child got £400 for her birthday so money clearly is not in short supply in this family. Spending £100 of that is 25%. If a child got £40 and was allowed to spend £10 I'm guessing people wouldn't be frothing at the mouth so much. Just because you can't imagine a child in your family being given £400 and spending a quarter of it as she pleases doesn't make it wrong or bad, just different.

whirlwindwallaby · 12/09/2020 14:23

MintyMabel Did you read my post? DS played PC games too, just not the kind you throw small amounts of money at for months and months. Minecraft was quite expensive for me at the time but I bought it when he was 6 and he still plays it occasionally at 14, quick google says it's £18 now. Terraria is £7, I bought that when he was 7 and he still plays it quite regularly.

Morgan12 · 12/09/2020 14:28

I didn't realise we were all in competition to spend as little as possible on toys etc for our children.

I spend a fortune on online games for my DS. I'm not even going to say the amount or you all might come and egg my house or something. But its alot. And it's up to me to do so. Why do people care so much about what other people are spending money on?

bedjolly · 12/09/2020 14:28

@Morgan12

I didn't realise we were all in competition to spend as little as possible on toys etc for our children.

Agreed

Thomasina79 · 12/09/2020 14:36

It sounds like it’s been a salutary lesson all round and I think any more blame helps no one. It’s almost certainly been a good lesson for your daughter to learn; how many times are we told not to give anyone our passwords. I agree that nine years old is too young to be gaming like this and it must be shattering for her to have £100 stolen. The girl who took the money is a thief and I agree her mother should be taking more responsibility about her behaviour, but you can’t change this. Best to try and move on now and hope lessons have been learned by all concerned.

whirlwindwallaby · 12/09/2020 15:06

It's not about the amount spent. Games like this encourage players to keep throwing money at them, they are not games I would want a child to be playing unless they are just playing without putting extra money in. I do think they are addictive like gambling, and this is from a parent of a teenage gamer.

TempestHayes · 12/09/2020 15:10

You let a child spend £100 on video game items? Are you insane?

She's clearly dim enough to hand out her log in details, so why on earth is she being left on the game unsupervised? She has no sense about online gaming at all! One, you don't give out log-ins, and two, you don't spend that amount of money.

I am the gamer in our family, and consequently I am very strict about what the children can and cannot do. You can't just let her sit there and do whatever. A friend of mine had the police knocking on the door after her daughter had been found selling explicit photos for in-game currency. She too took a hands-off approach to gaming. Now the kid's in therapy and had to appear in court. Yay for lax parenting.

She some firm boundaries. She's far too young and too silly to be given free reign.

bookmum08 · 12/09/2020 15:19

Tempest another one who clearly hasn't read the whole thread. It was £100 over NINE months.
She didn't just give out her details to a random person - it was her FRIEND. Who as a kid didn't let their mates use or borrow something's? And sometimes there may have been times when a friend was not very nice and wouldn't give back what was borrowed or damaged it.

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 12/09/2020 15:43

Other parent wrong about the stealing. I’d be mortified and want her to transfer the diamonds back, a punishment and apologise. Possible this attitude from Mum is how the other girl decided to fleece your daughter.

I’m actually a bit envious your DD likes gaming, mine no interest!

£100 on gaming over 9 months, voluntarily, when it is for spending and on something your child enjoys - I wouldn’t allow but fine!

Also a lesson learnt by your daughter.

However I’d also be very upset about the WhatsApp photo. Where did this other girl get the photo? Yes your daughter responded ok but it doesn’t delete what she has seen.

Kazakaren · 12/09/2020 16:17

Too much time on their hands. £100 in 9 months is nothing. My DC spends that and more. Nowt to do with anyone else.

JeanneFrench · 12/09/2020 16:21

YABU to consider it one of the other children's parents responsibilities, rather than both of them.

I have to say I would do as the other parent did. At the end of the day, your daughter chose to spend the money and to give away her password. From my point of view, your issue here is with your daughter and with the level of freedom you have allowed her online and financially.

JeanneFrench · 12/09/2020 16:22

Typo: parent's

Kazakaren · 12/09/2020 16:36

I have to say I would do as the other parent did. At the end of the day, your daughter chose to spend the money and to give away her password

You wouldn't be bothered about your daughter pretending to help someone in order to steal from them? Great parenting

Original poster

consideratealpaca · 12/09/2020 16:47

I've just had contact from the mum on Facebook messenger. She said 'why have you got roblocks to take all XXXXXX's stuff! She's crying now and I've got a very sad little girl all weekend thanks a lot!' sic.

OP posts:

Ditheringdooley · 12/09/2020 16:48

Aww diddums is my response there.

She didn’t care when your daughter was upset.

Your response should be in line with her initial response (better not to respond at all). Her girl can learn the consequences of her actions.

MsKeats · 12/09/2020 16:53

£100 on a video game -!! What?

No it is not her money "do to with what she wishes". Likewise log in details to someone else.
Take her off it.Resonsibility starts at home.

Kazakaren · 12/09/2020 16:56

Just like her daughter took your daughters 'stuff'? Sums up exactly what sort of mother that person is. Tell her to put her hand in her own pocket instead of allowing her child to steal from other people.

Ditheringdooley · 12/09/2020 16:57

It’s fairly fundamental to our capitalist economy that people can spend what they like, on what they like.

£10,100,1000 on a game. At 9 or 99. It’s obviously within the OP’s means and is not ridiculous in the context of what most children in comfortable homes will have spent/ received in 9 months.

Posters banging on about it is tiresome.

Kazakaren · 12/09/2020 16:57

No it is not her money "do to with what she wishes

I would say thats the ops decision. Not yours 😂

nanbread · 12/09/2020 17:00

OMG, how the hell do people like this get like this? What are you going to reply?

Maybe, "oh yes I know what it's like, DD was devastated when BitchFriend stole all of her things in the first place."

nanbread · 12/09/2020 17:01

@MsKeats whose money is it then

Kazakaren · 12/09/2020 17:01

oh yes I know what it's like, DD was devastated when BitchFriend stole all of her things in the first place."

Sounds like the perfect response.

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