To think this mum should have been more concerned

[consideratealpaca]

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

That's great news! Well done.

can assure you i didnt "run a desk in a bookies" 😂

You certainly didn’t research online gaming for kids.

[quote consideratealpaca]@00100001 It's a ridiculous comparison to draw and you know it. A 9yo behind the wheel of a car will likely kill themselves and others. As far as I'm aware no one ever died from seeing a dick pic.

Yes, I take these small and measured risks with my children. It's unfortunate that an image like that was forwarded to my daughter, but can you honestly say that you know everything that goes on in the playground or in every conversation your children have? No, you can't.
Much better to accept that they will doubtless be exposed to sexual imagery a long time before you'd prefer, and not be a complete ostrich about the whole thing. My daughter knows a decent amount about sex for someone her age, she knows porn exists now, she reacted appropriately. Get off your high horse.

You must have very little to do with yourself because you keep coming at me sideways.[/quote]
Sorry, but, whaaaaaaaat?!

She. Is. Nine.

How can you be so 'shit happens' about your DD seeing porn? My son is 10, still at primary school, and I would be gutted if he saw a picture of a blow job because I wasn't monitoring his online use properly. You didn't even see the picture because it had already been deleted by the time you heard about it.

As for 'wank mags' being distributed around - at 9 years old?! What the fuck?

The spending 100 quid on crappy diamonds for a game, yeah it's not something I would let my own kids do, but I'm not going to judge you for it because it doesn't really do any harm.

It's the fact your daughter has been exposed to porn, and you don't seem to give a shit that she might be exposed to it again, that I can't get my head around!

I'm glad you got it all sorted OP.

To read this thread you'd think gaming was a force for evil. My DC like to spend some of their money on in app purchases and, while it makes me grit my teeth a bit, I don't feel a whole lot better when they cart home yet another giant and half empty box of Lego to add to the gazillion tons they already have. Or when they choose another super duper multi function Nerf gun that needs 15 batteries and two adults to lift it. Or when they buy that effing Grossery Gang crap. Or mystery boxes/packets which contain clones of the toys found in the last mystery box (cue inevitable crying/lessons learnt/never again - until next week). The list goes on. I'm sure I'd be delighted if they saved up for a full size telescope or some other worthy item. But they like Roblox, Minecraft and Fortnite (eldest). No gambling involved.

I’m glad Roblox has given the stuff back, I’m 🧐 at it being a good lesson, that some people can steal and get away with it! I don’t know you OP but I know another mum who lets her DS spend his money on online gaming because it’s his money and he enjoys it! She is a great and caring mum and it sounds like you are too. I always boggle at some of the people posting on here and the crap they spout 😂

@consideratealpaca

I've just managed to reclaim my daughter's account with the help of Roblox support. Everything taken appears to have been reinstated, so I presume this means it's been removed from the thief's account.

I'll have a read through and reply to the genuine posters and their questions after the school run. I wonder if it'll be uneventful as usual. 🤔

Glad to hear it all had been restored. That's pretty good service support to be honest.

I'd keep reminding your daughter about the downsides of sharing personal details and encourage her to drop the friendship with this girl.

@consideratealpaca

I've just managed to reclaim my daughter's account with the help of Roblox support. Everything taken appears to have been reinstated, so I presume this means it's been removed from the thief's account.

I'll have a read through and reply to the genuine posters and their questions after the school run. I wonder if it'll be uneventful as usual. 🤔

I am glad you have resolved this situation - it’s an excellent outcome.

I have to disagree with the posters who think your parenting is at fault here. To me, you sound like a thoughtful and caring person, doing their best to make the right decisions for your child - which is all any of us can do.

Haven't read the whole thread, but all of you saying that it's horrific for a 9yo to spend £100 on this, this was my thought too. But thinking about it, if this was birthday money from January, that's £12 per month. Would all of you be shocked at a 9yo frittering this at Claires or Smiggle?

How did the school run go?

@SoManyActivities

No one, but no one, is condoning or suggesting that it's a good idea to expose a 9yo to sexual images. But for those of us who are realists, we accept that it WILL happen. I'd much rather have spoken to my children about what goes on in the big wide world and know that they can ask me any question they want and get an honest answer, or approach me when they see/hear/experience something inappropriate.
It sounds to me like you're shielding your children to the point where you'll end up doing them a misservice.
Of course kids used to bring their dad's mags in to school! We used to go looking for them, usually by railway sidings ripped to pieces. It was because our parents took a similar approach to you and didn't talk to us about sex. If they'd been more open and honest about it all, we wouldn't have had a field day over every copy of Reader's Wives we found.
I don't know about your upbringing, but it sounds very sheltered.

The school run was completely uneventful. She turned her back on me and didn't make eye contact at all.

Honestly I’d rather DS spent money on something for a game than more plastic tat to clutter the house and pollute the environment... unfortunately he’s far too susceptible to the lure of the vending machine outside our local shop.

I’m glad your DD got her stuff back, and the lesson will have been learnt for her in the shock of it happening I suspect. The way she reacted to the WhatsApp shows she’s sensible, and she told you what had happened with the game too.

I would probably raise the picture issue with the school though, just in case the girl has sent similar to other children who haven’t told their parents.

No one, but no one, is condoning or suggesting that it's a good idea to expose a 9yo to sexual images. But for those of us who are realists, we accept that it WILL happen.

Yeah it will happen if you allow your daughter to use an app commonly used by adults, where she still has contact with someone who has already sent her porn. There is somewhat less chance of this happening if you don't allow this. Its really not that difficult!

Of course kids used to bring their dad's mags in to school! We used to go looking for them, usually by railway sidings ripped to pieces. It was because our parents took a similar approach to you and didn't talk to us about sex. If they'd been more open and honest about it all, we wouldn't have had a field day over every copy of Reader's Wives we found.

What, kids used to bring pornographic magazines into your primary school in Year 5?

Sure Jan...

I had a 'sheltered upbringing' because I didn't go looking for porn by the railway aged 9! 😂

And yes of course, because my 10 year old son hasn't seen a photograph of a fucking blow job on WhatsApp that means I am a total fuddy duddy who never talks about sex with my kids!

I find your attitude to your DD being exposed to porn rather worrying I have to say.

The pornographic image was sent by another 9 year old! The fault lies in that household, you’re making it sound like OP allowed her on pornhub 😂

What on earth do you know about my upbringing anyway? You are making an assumption that I had a sheltered upbringing because I don't allow my 10 year old to use WhatsApp? For the exact reason that I want to avoid the scenario that happened to you daughter?

That is literally all you know about my 'upbringing'. So why do you think it was 'sheltered'?

What, kids used to bring pornographic magazines into your primary school in Year 5?

My neighbour when he was aged 10 sold xerocopies of indecent images to his classmates.

The pornographic image was sent by another 9 year old! The fault lies in that household, you’re making it sound like OP allowed her on pornhub

Yes and her DD is still in contact with that child on WhatsApp, so the exact same thing could happen again. But still, as long as she 'responds appropriately' again, and it's not her actually sending it, who cares how much porn she sees before she is even 10 years old eh?

I mean, there is literally nothing you can do to stop your kids being exposed to porn these days is there?

Oh wait....

My neighbour when he was aged 10 sold xerocopies of indecent images to his classmates.

Yeah, um, that would be what is known as a huge safeguarding red flag these days.

I have to say I don't feel that I missed out on a 'real childhood' because I am apparently the only person here who was not passing around a copy of Razzle in Year 5.

My brother and I found a porn magazine on the street on the way to primary school once too OP a 90’s phenomenon?

Oh @SoManyActivities 😂😂😂

Yup - copy of playboy passed around all the kids in primary 4 (so when I was about age 9). Fortunately my mum was like OP and had discussed things with me in an age appropriate way, so I had pretty much the reaction of OP’s daughter i.e. “ewwww” and told my mum.

@SoManyActivities Okay love, you select the parts from my post that you can get on your soap box about and just ignore the rest. 🙄 You've taken everything I've said and twisted it to fit your agenda.
I'll parent my kids as I see fit. You keep wrapping yours up in cotton wool and generally being a sanctimonious prick.

And I'll bet my bottom dollar that the majority of kids growing up in the 80s and 90s stumbled across porn mags on a fairly regular basis. I'm really shocked that you didn't. So much so that I think you're having me on.
Just asked DP who had a very privileged upbringing in an affluent area, private school etc. Meanwhile I'm the opposite. But he found jazz mags by the roadside regularly or pinched his dad's to bring to school, so it isn't a class thing.
You're sheltering your kids, good on you. But you're deluded if you think it'll make the slightest difference.

I'll parent my kids as I see fit. You keep wrapping yours up in cotton wool and generally being a sanctimonious prick.

Not allowing my 9 year old kid access to WhatsApp in order to try and reduce the risk of them being exposed to porn, the nature of which is completely out of my control, is 'wrapping them up in cotton wool'? 😂

Like you said though, I'll parent my kids as I see fit.

I've been using WhatsApp for years now and haven't seen any porn, it's so unfair.

You could apply the same thinking to pretty much anything though, you know? You know that in the dark ages they used to think that a certain combination of notes could summon the devil. Maybe it's not an obvious analogy but the point is that music was discouraged as newfangled for the most part.
Anyway, I've been on the wine...kids are away tonight before you lose your shit!
Go and pour yourself a glass. I guarantee that as soon as it passes your lips it'll be like angels dancing on your tongue and maybe you'll chill the fuck out.