To think this mum should have been more concerned

[consideratealpaca]

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

@nanbread oops- sorry, I thought you were piling on. Sarcasm is hard to read sometimes!

OP - it makes many people feel better to criticise others. No one is perfect and even if you do everything you are ‘meant’ to, things can happen.

With the bj picture for example, it sounds like your daughter reacted appropriately. It is pretty hard to avoid these days (unless you limited access to any tech at all - likely excluding a child) seeing such images occasionally. So the point is about teaching someone to handle it, not pretending it’s not out there at all (limiting where possible obv). Which you have done.

It is pretty hard to avoid these days (unless you limited access to any tech at all - likely excluding a child) seeing such images occasionally.

You can take very easy steps to avoiding it by not letting your 9 year old have access to an app which is notorious for having that kind of stuff very easily shared on it, especially when you know there are children in WhatsApp group who are not being supervised properly online. It's the exact reason I don't let my 10 year old son have WhatsApp - because I don't want him to have to 'respond appropriately' to pictures of porn, I would rather he didn't see them just yet...

I can't believe the OP still allowed her DD to be in a WhatsApp group with that child after that incident, or have access to WhatsApp at all.

You can't do anything to change other people's opinions. You've flagged the other child's behaviour to her mother, and her mother chose not to do anything about it. Is there any wonder the other child thought it was ok to do what she did.

However I wholeheartedly agree with the below and what you can change is how you chose to parent your own child

*This is a salutary lesson for the pair of you.

Your daughter has given her online details away to another child who has then used them.

And you have failed to parent your child properly. £100 on virtual shite which will be gone tomorrow? And not supervising your child to the extent she was able to give someone else her login details. These games are frequented by all sorts. You’re lucky it was only a girl in her class, it could have been a paedophile masquerading as a child...

The lower age for WhatsApp now is sixteen btw*

Have you tried appealing to the game provider to get the stuff back?

There is supervised access to a Whatsapp account for school purposes. The child doesn’t have her own phone or account. Had the mum been sat next to her when looking at it it would have made no difference to her seeing the image.

Not giving children any access to tech is unrealistic these days.

Also, it is theft and I'd be challenging this other mother, the two girls need to get together with the grown ups and the items identified and returned under supervision. You don't have to be confrontational about it - a nice polite 'please can we get together to sort out this mix up and get xxxxs things back onto her account'.

I would do what Always suggests - calm, firm, adult, non accusatory and brisk can achieve quite a lot in these situations...

What MsTSwift says!

all the left-behind parents on here have given up being sanctimonous about Corona and are back to trying to hold back the tide on computer games now :D

alpaca good luck with the company.

At some point in the future it might be an idea to suggest to school that they cover online safety, not only detecting the creeps but for this sort of situation.

There is supervised access to a Whatsapp account for school purposes. The child doesn’t have her own phone or account. Had the mum been sat next to her when looking at it it would have made no difference to her seeing the image.

Which is exactly why her 9 year old DD shouldn't be on WhatsApp in the first place. It is an app used by adults all over the world which has unregulated incredibly easy sharing of Pornographic images and videos as well as other things that are easily shared and not suitable for kids.

And what's more the OP has allowed her DD to continue to be in a WhatsApp group with a child who has already shared porn on the group. What's to stop it again?

You cant control what other parents do with their child's online access, or how other people parent, you can only control what your own child does.

And you can give kids 'access to tech' without stuff like WhatsApp.

It strikes me that the OP seems to be adamant that she is monitoring her daughter closely, but already her daughter has seen porn online and given away login details for a paid app.

OP,

😂 Fair play for your recent posts. I agree with you!

Giving kids access to WhatsApp, an ADULT messenger, is akin to letting your 9ypndrive your car.

Oh, it's ok, my 9yp is mature, we only drive to the local shops, where the roads are very quiet, and I'm in the car with them at all times. So it's safe. Obviously the child is sensible enough tr this, and I can't imagine anything could do wrong..

A more appropriate method of allowing your child to "drive" would be having them sit in your lap, whilst they steer a car round an empty carpark, where you are still in control of the pedals.

I do love Mumsnet sometimes. People are fucking nuts. OP, the only thing you have done wrong here is something we all do. Not anticipate these sanctimonious idiots

www.thecyberhelpline.com/guides/hacked-online-gaming

Op this may be of help,

Sorry, posted accidentally too soon.

You have not anticipated the levels these sanctimonious idiots will go to to put a parent down and make them the bad guy.

If you had known, you could have worded the whole post differently and still said the same thing and it would have been mostly fine.

Your kid plays a game WITH HER FRIENDS. No strangers can access her.
She normally uses a portion of her pocket money (LESS THAN £3 A WEEK INSTEAD OF SPENDING IT ON TOYS) to build up her game.
She gave her login details one day TO A FRIEND to help her improve her game.
THE FRIEND stole her property and her mum doesn't care.

She also borrowed your phone to speak to her friend and the friend sent a bad image (could happen just as easy with a simple text as WhatsApp!)

A couple of years ago an inappropriate image made it through to my daughter when she was using a school iPad with another class friend. The school immediately informed me because it was probably obvious to them that my daughter would tell me anyway. Shit happens.

I've given up reading the comments from the holier than thou crew who never do anything wrong, and who's children are content with a skipping rope and a peg doll. I know that AIBU is a blood bath so I was expecting a pile on, and I don't take the insults personally from these people because I know that whatever you say it'll always be wrong.
But I draw the fucking line at the insinuation that I'm condoning children viewing porn.

Roblox have got back to us. Everything will be restored, thank you all.

Giving kids access to WhatsApp, an ADULT messenger, is akin to letting your 9ypndrive your car.

How about a lorry?

Sorry, that wasn't me saying that the OP was grossly irresponsible (personally I don't think she is). It was just because the example of driving a car was presumably chosen as it seemed like such an outrageous thing to let a child do. Which it is. And I thought it was a coincidence that I had read that mad story this morning.

Giving kids access to WhatsApp, an ADULT messenger, is akin to letting your 9ypndrive your car.

Aye, alright love.

@tearinyourhand

Giving kids access to WhatsApp, an ADULT messenger, is akin to letting your 9ypndrive your car.

How about a lorry?

That's ok, because he's very mature for his age

@consideratealpaca

Giving kids access to WhatsApp, an ADULT messenger, is akin to letting your 9ypndrive your car.

Aye, alright love.

Well, my 9yo was never sent a pornographic image on WhatsApp.... because he didn't have access at that age.... Not even on my phone. Why? ... Because of the pornographic images that may have been sent.

I wasn't willing to take that risk. You are.

Heh, I knew from the first post how this thread would go. Bravo OP for standing your ground

Roblox have got back to us. Everything will be restored, thank you all

Jolly good.

Tbh in this day and age it's an important lesson for kids to learn about giving out log in details to others, even if they trust them. I doubt she'll do it again.

Kid and or their parent spends £100 on stupid surprise eggs, surprise bags etc for a few minutes entertainment is fine. Do the same for an online game that gives days, weeks, months of entertainment and you're ridiculous and gambling and it's terrible parenting. JFC.

At the end of the day when all is said and done its her money?? Are you for real??

Your job is to make sure you dd understands the value of money and not wastes it on gambling, which is what roblox etc are for.

100 pounds!!

WhatsApp and log in break ins?? Take back some control for gods sake. Your daughter isn't a lodger, she's 9!!

Roblox is not gambling Unless you think Lego and Playmobil are gambling too.

@00100001 It's a ridiculous comparison to draw and you know it. A 9yo behind the wheel of a car will likely kill themselves and others. As far as I'm aware no one ever died from seeing a dick pic.

Yes, I take these small and measured risks with my children. It's unfortunate that an image like that was forwarded to my daughter, but can you honestly say that you know everything that goes on in the playground or in every conversation your children have? No, you can't.
Much better to accept that they will doubtless be exposed to sexual imagery a long time before you'd prefer, and not be a complete ostrich about the whole thing. My daughter knows a decent amount about sex for someone her age, she knows porn exists now, she reacted appropriately. Get off your high horse.

You must have very little to do with yourself because you keep coming at me sideways.