To think this mum should have been more concerned

[consideratealpaca]

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist I never said she was paedophile. Just that's she's putting herself in vulnerable situation by effectively conversing with school children.

Have you never heard of genuine paedophiles pretending to be kids? Do you think if anything happened,the OP is 100% certain that she would be able to say 'oh ,it's ok it's my 9yo' and nothing else would be said it done??

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist

Also , OP says she monitors her 9yp internet and WhatsApp Access. But also says that on at least two occasions things have gone wrong. One where she missed the conversation about sharing passwords and the bit where her child was exposed to pornographic images.

So, excuse me if I don't think this child should have access to WhatsApp, on her mother's phone or elsewhere.

@catsarepeopletoo...
Totally agree with you...gaming is a form of gambling...when gaming it releases adrenaline....gambling releases adrenaline..introducing money into gaming to increase chances of winning is just a step away from having future gambling addiction...i understand that the world of children now will have gaming but it really is beyond me how an adult cannot see anything wrong in allowing money to be involved...ask anyone who has had a gambling problem..the majority will tell you they first got a taste as a child with some game that would have been classed as harmless!

[quote Louise91417]@catsarepeopletoo...
Totally agree with you...gaming is a form of gambling...when gaming it releases adrenaline....gambling releases adrenaline..introducing money into gaming to increase chances of winning is just a step away from having future gambling addiction...i understand that the world of children now will have gaming but it really is beyond me how an adult cannot see anything wrong in allowing money to be involved...ask anyone who has had a gambling problem..the majority will tell you they first got a taste as a child with some game that would have been classed as harmless![/quote]
Absolutely

Really? If your kid does something wrong is up to her to apologise?

Yes. I don’t run up to the school demanding and apology from the parent of every kid who does something wrong to my child and nor would I expect them to do that to me.

Forcing a child to apologise does nothing, means nothing, an apology must be given willingly. If I were the other parent I would apologise for my daughter’s behaviour and offer to reimburse. I would make sure my daughter knew what she did was wrong and suggest she apologises. But that relationship is between her and her friend. If she chose not to apologise, she’d bear the consequence of that and would learn more from that experience than if I marched to the playground and forced her to mumble an apology. At 9 years old they are old enough to manage those relationships without interference.

gambling releases adrenaline..introducing money into gaming to increase chances of winning is just a step away from having future gambling addiction

What next? Are we banning pocket money trading cards? Do you remember the fun of “got, got, got, need, I’ll swap you for this one” Buying just one more pack of Panini stickers hoping you’d get the last one to fill your album?

In my experience, you don’t spend money on those games to win, you do it to enhance the game. No different than buying another pack of lego.

I’m amazed so many parents of today just don’t get how things are different for our kids.

Lol, Wonder if all these posters worried about gambling play cards or board games with their kids?

Any dice/luck based games are banned I suppose 🤔

I game and occasionally I pay for extras sometimes. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@LUZON

Lol, Wonder if all these posters worried about gambling play cards or board games with their kids?

Any dice/luck based games are banned I suppose 🤔

I game and occasionally I pay for extras sometimes. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I play board games with my kids. We don’t bet £100 on them though.

I play board games with my kids. We don’t bet £100 on them though.

Who said anything about betting?

Buying extras in a game like skills,accessories,outfits,pets ,houses etc is not betting. You see something,you like it/want it,you have the money,you buy it.

Just like OP's DD having a Baby Annabelle for example and buying the bed, extra outfits,a pram.

Or starting with a Lego City set and then adding more to it.

There's more gambling in any blind toys/bags type things.

You've been giving a real pasting here OP and I can tell you're sick to the back teeth of hearing about this, but there are significant links between gaming online and gambling.

You can hit your head against a brick wall as much as you like but it's true! I have a 16 year old who earns his own money from working part-time but ended up spending £100 on some sort of diamond things, can't remember what.

I went mental when I found out, and after explaining the research, he's blocked his bank from letting him buy more.

Find out more about the links before banging your head against a brick wall.

This research will become more apparent in the future.

OP, ignore the the superiority seekers. I really have no other word for those who willingly judge like this and keep kids away from tech because they want little Gertrude to be happier with a jigsaw and arts&crafts. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Onto you - You've done right contacting the developers. They'll be able to see a different IP address has logged into your DD's account and the suspicious activity that occurred then after. I do recommend taking control of her passwords if you don't feel like she's learnt from this - hard lesson as it was.

Telling other parents or rather warning then about the other little brat's behaviour could go either way. Mother could be shamed into making her kid apologise/give things back or she could confront you ....loudly.

If the school take these things seriously I'd tell them. Perhaps other kids won’t be tricked like your DD was as a result.

Also - the lack of understanding about this generation (Alpha I believe) is more astounding than anything else. Children in this day and age game. They're more digital than previous generations. They have a cyber life plus real life. There will be micro transactions. There will be screw ups. That's life. Those of you who seem to believe spending excess amount of money on plastic garbage or sweets is fine but god forbid it's a computer game - need to calm down and get a grip or educate yourselves to spare hospital bills from the copious amount of heart attacks you'll be having over sweet nothing. 😒

Sure I’ve spent well over £100 on Lego over the years and where is it now? Mouldering in a box in the shed! Actually greener buying virtual toys. Won’t end up in landfill

Adrenaline leads to gambling addiction . I’d better give up mountain biking then or there’s no hope for me!

Exactly, this girl was not betting just spending a lot of real money on imaginary things like nice little clothes to wear in the game or an imaginary pet.

Can you also buy imaginary friends? It seems like she may need some considering...

How is it gambling?
It's like buying your child a doll and then all kinds of extra accessories to enhance playing, like outfits,beds,pets etc

Because these games have elements like daily lottery where you win in-game credits. When you pay actual money your chances of winning increase. It doesn't count like actual gambling because prizes aren't monetary. But it is very different from purchasing add-ons like skins or weapons.

There are issues with loot boxes being akin to gambling,because you don't know what you get, and if you need something specific you might buy again and again in the hope you get something good/hit the jackpot.

That is entirely different from buying a pet or decorating a house or buying a flying ability or whatever.

OP I can’t believe some of the posters on here. Basically another child has surreptitiously and somewhat fraudulently stolen from your child. It is not ok! Let’s assume your child had a really nice new physical toy and lent it to this girl on the understanding she gives it back in tact. The other child then takes a huge part of that toy apart and keeps it for herself and returns a destroyed shell/gives nothing back and says it is hers. Of course you are right to confront the mother. I would go straight to the school and the developer too. The developer can easily refund your child and the school should have a word about this sort of behaviour with all the children (including reminders about digital security and not sharing logins).

@CatsArePeopleToo

*How is it gambling? It's like buying your child a doll and then all kinds of extra accessories to enhance playing, like outfits,beds,pets etc*

Because these games have elements like daily lottery where you win in-game credits. When you pay actual money your chances of winning increase. It doesn't count like actual gambling because prizes aren't monetary. But it is very different from purchasing add-ons like skins or weapons.

Not all games are the same, and unless OP clarifies that it was something like loot boxes, or any type of chance buying (pet eggs on adopt me for example or extra turns on the daily prize or whatever) it doesn't necessarily mean that it is linked to gambling.

@mintymabel
What next?
Hopefully some parents will do a little research into the damage games like these (involving money) can do to their children and the message that is being imprinted into impressionable minds instead of sneering at the suggestion that gaming and gambling are closely connected...

No, but even the most innocent looking games demand you spend money on the go. They are aimed at young kids who don't yet have the self-control nor really understand the value of money.

[quote Louise91417]@mintymabel
What next?
Hopefully some parents will do a little research into the damage games like these (involving money) can do to their children and the message that is being imprinted into impressionable minds instead of sneering at the suggestion that gaming and gambling are closely connected...[/quote]
Or maybe some other parents will do a little research and find out that not all games are identical

What next?. Hopefully some parents will do a little research into the damage games like these (involving money) can do to their children and the message that is being imprinted into impressionable minds instead of sneering at the suggestion that gaming and gambling are closely connected...

You do know they said the same thing about books when they were invented, yes? How they would lead to the corruption of society, especially damaging for young minds?

@thelaststarfighter
You are right, not all games are the same. Games that involve buying tokens etc are refered to as "loot box games"..which have been found to lead to gambling addiction at a later stage.

@nanbread that is just unnecessary.