Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum should have been more concerned

735 replies

consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 20:07

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 10/09/2020 18:50

@consideratealpaca if it was my kid, I'd pay the money back (out of her own savings) and ban her from the game.

That's what you do when your kid is being a dick. Others being dumb doesn't justify it.

But then again MN hates gaming with a passion, hates children gaming and it definitely hates children having/wasting money. On the last one in particular there is a joyous "serves her/you right" when the money or expensive object is lost,stolen ,broken etc.

It's obvious the mum doesn't give a shit. It's a good lesson to learn for your DD that she should never share details like that even with friends.

I had similar with DD, her coins being spent on a game endorsed by the school. Her fault really for giving out her details, but also other children can see them when they do it in class. The teacher had a "chat" and claims she doesn't know how to change her password so any coins she makes are still being spent.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 10/09/2020 18:51

@MintyMabel

That was one of the first things I stated, that I wanted to make her aware that X&Y had happened.

But you wanted to engineer an apology too. That’s up to the kids.

Really? If your kid does something wrong is up to her to apologise?
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 10/09/2020 18:56

I read this week that we spend far too much time punishing and leading our kids and actually the best way for them to learn is let them experience natural consequences.

This is one of those times.

She spent all her money, now it's gone.

She gave away her password, someone used it maliciously.

Honestly, what better lesson for her than this?

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 10/09/2020 18:57

@MintyMabel Yes, of course I wanted my daughter to get an apology. Isn't that the first thing you would do, as a parent, bring your child forward to be held accountable for their misdemeanour? No apology had been forthcoming, so I approached the mum expecting her to see that her daughter rectified what she'd done.

OP posts:
Original poster
consideratealpaca · 10/09/2020 18:58

@ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets

I read this week that we spend far too much time punishing and leading our kids and actually the best way for them to learn is let them experience natural consequences.

This is one of those times.

She spent all her money, now it's gone.

She gave away her password, someone used it maliciously.

Honestly, what better lesson for her than this?

She's had a hard but valuable lesson, which is the only positive thing to come out of all this.
OP posts:
CatsArePeopleToo · 10/09/2020 19:00

I can’t believe the other mum wasn’t more angry with her child! I wouldn't even let mine take items be they physical or imaginary that were offered to them by friends let alone steal them all

Could be that the other mother is pretty clueless about the game.
Maybe write her an email explaining details?

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 10/09/2020 19:01

@MrsKeats

A 9 year contract old on WhatsApp and spending a hundred quid whilst gaming unsupervised. What could possibly go wrong!
Oh Lordy. I've explained until I'm blue in the face. She's not gaming unsupervised. She's not got free reign to waste her birthday money, she has to ask permission. She doesn't have a WhatsApp account. 🤦‍♀️
OP posts:
tinyme77 · 10/09/2020 19:02

Have you warned all the other parents in their class?

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 10/09/2020 19:04

@tinyme77 No, I didn't think to do that. I tend to stay well away from the other parents so I don't get caught up in their endless carousel of drama. Would I come off as a bit of a dick if I did that, or would that be an acceptable thing to do? I really don't know.

OP posts:
Kittybakes89 · 10/09/2020 19:04

No comments that haven't been made already on the thread but you must be banging your head Op at the amount of posters not reading anything you say....

Especially about your little girl never out the casinos and never off whatsapp 😛

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 10/09/2020 19:06

@Kittybakes89

No comments that haven't been made already on the thread but you must be banging your head Op at the amount of posters not reading anything you say....

Especially about your little girl never out the casinos and never off whatsapp 😛

😂😂😂
OP posts:
LUZON · 10/09/2020 19:07

OP, you’ve done everything right as far as I can see. The only thing I would have done differently is how you dealt with the photo of the BJ. I’d have treated that much more seriously. I’d have reported it to the school at the very least.

I don’t see anything wrong with your controls over your daughters internet/SM access and I’m baffled why so many poster don’t approve of your daughter spending so much online. I’d have no problem with it at all. I encouraged my kids to spend money on things they enjoyed. I presume all the posters who disapprove didn’t let their kids spend money on plastic shite or crappy movies.

I’d be mad with the other Mum too. If it’s a little consolation I bet she won’t have an easy ride with her daughter in the long run.

I also wouldn’t give your daughter a hard time about giving her password to her ex-friend. These things happen and I bet she won’t do it again.

itgetsthehoseagain · 10/09/2020 19:14

I agree with OP. These games are the games of today - and they kept children as sociable as they could be during lockdown. They are also a load of fun.
If my daughter had used her knowledge of another child's login details to steal 'stuff' from that child, I'd have snapped her laptop in half. The mother's indifferent behaviour is appalling; maybe she wants her brat to grow up a 'winner' and sees this as the way forward. Hideous.

HandfulofDust · 10/09/2020 19:19

Honestly, what better lesson for her than this?

The issue isn't the lesson for OP's DD it's the lesson for the other DD. Which is it's fine to steal.

Cryalot2 · 10/09/2020 19:28

I am confused. You say it is not gambling yet she has a montitored account for gaming ?
She is only 9 and is unsupervised online. Monitored maybe but she is still a child.
Either she does not fully understand which is ok because she is only 9 so you cannot be angry with her as she has just proved too young for all. Its a lot for adults to get their heads round everything including passwords. The other child just took advantage of her which was horrible and wrong.
Nine is way too young to be allowed passwords. If they don't know them then they can't tell anyone. Adults should have to log them in and out each time and if online make sure they are always supervised.
Your child your choice but I would not have wanted mine to spend the half of that on games online. They have nothing to show for it and the more you play and higher levels the more you spend. Sounds much like gambling.
The other child sadly is not her friend so aside from the financial aspect she looses a friendship.
I feel sorry for your dd..

canihaveabrew · 10/09/2020 19:38

How old is she OP?

This has been a terrible lack of judgement but she’s stolen £100 and the Mother won’t do anything.

Call the police on 101. She has stolen something of value, albeit cyber, she can’t be allowed to think this is OK.

CatsArePeopleToo · 10/09/2020 19:40

And I'm astonished you can't tell the difference between gaming and gambling.

Actually it is gambling in disguise. I am surprised that this stuff isn't regulated more strictly as its marketed to very young kids. Meanwhile they're not allowed to buy scratchcards under 16!

00100001 · 10/09/2020 19:48

@consideratealpaca

So now, this same group of children have sent pornographic images to this WhatsApp group, and you STILL allow her access to WhatsApp ("monitored") at 9 years old? Confused

Why the f--k wasn't the school told of the incident, and your phone withdrawn from the group chat? Confused

Weirdly, it's worse that this is happening on your phone. Effectively you're having electronic conversations with children, that's putting you in an odd situation.

If anything was to come of these conversations, I'd be fucking worried that the law won't really believe that it was your daughter,and you will be held accountable.

It's madness, doesn't matter how mature your daughter is, you have allowed her to be exposed to inappropriate content,by giving her access to an adult app.

StringyPotatoes · 10/09/2020 19:50

Yes, online credits etc disappear but so does chocolate and crisps but we still by treats now and again!

OP's daughter was enjoying the game with her friends and the credits helped her advance so no, I wouldn't spend my money on it but it brought her joy. I spend my money on other shite that brings me joy like candles I don't light, plants I forget to water, and books I don't get around to reading. What is the difference?

FWIW OP, no. YANBU. If I discovered my child had been doing that I would be appalled and absolutely be looking to get her to reimburse your daughter - ideally virtually but otherwise some of way. An apology is the very least the mother needs to give.

tinyme77 · 10/09/2020 19:51

I'd tell the other parents. You don't need to name names.

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/09/2020 19:53

It was a bit of stupidity but she’s 9 and far too young to be making these kinds of decisions or having her own login to anything. Don’t replace the money, contact the gaming platform to report the fraud so they can at least ban the other girl, and maybe keep her off screens for a bit

WaterOffADucksCrack · 10/09/2020 19:55

If my daughter had used her knowledge of another child's login details to steal 'stuff' from that child, I'd have snapped her laptop in half The child definitely needs an appropriate punishment. But I hope the above is some sort of joke. It's quite a violent thing to do.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 10/09/2020 20:13

[quote 00100001]@consideratealpaca

So now, this same group of children have sent pornographic images to this WhatsApp group, and you STILL allow her access to WhatsApp ("monitored") at 9 years old? Confused

Why the f--k wasn't the school told of the incident, and your phone withdrawn from the group chat? Confused

Weirdly, it's worse that this is happening on your phone. Effectively you're having electronic conversations with children, that's putting you in an odd situation.

If anything was to come of these conversations, I'd be fucking worried that the law won't really believe that it was your daughter,and you will be held accountable.

It's madness, doesn't matter how mature your daughter is, you have allowed her to be exposed to inappropriate content,by giving her access to an adult app.[/quote]

Ding ding din! We have a winner!

Now OP is a pedo to boot.

Damn OP, you know you absolutely cannot post in AIBU without people purposefully misreading or completely ignoring your posts and the information you give, but you also must be guilty of something far worse.

ButteryPuffin · 10/09/2020 20:21

As another parent in this circle, I would want to know if a child who played this game with my child had stolen from a fellow game player. I'd want the actual name too.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 10/09/2020 20:32

@CatsArePeopleToo

And I'm astonished you can't tell the difference between gaming and gambling.

Actually it is gambling in disguise. I am surprised that this stuff isn't regulated more strictly as its marketed to very young kids. Meanwhile they're not allowed to buy scratchcards under 16!

How is it gambling?

It's like buying your child a doll and then all kinds of extra accessories to enhance playing, like outfits,beds,pets etc.

Or one Lego set and then adding to it .