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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum should have been more concerned

735 replies

consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 20:07

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

OP posts:
nanbread · 10/09/2020 17:47

There's two conflicting schools of thought here:

  1. You can have pocket money but I the parent am still in control. In other words, it's not yours to spend as you like. I will teach you sensible ways to manage money.
  1. You can have pocket money and it's yours unconditionally. It's your money. I may not like what you spend it on but as long as it's not damaging you or other people, go for it. You will learn yourself sensible ways to manage money.

Personally I think no2 fosters independence and resilience and better money management in the long term.

Viviennemary · 10/09/2020 18:01

I'd be pretty annoyed if I gave a child money as a birthday present and found out it had been frittered away on gambling games. And I would be annoyed at the parents for allowing it.

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 10/09/2020 18:02

@nanbread
Couldn't agree more. I must admit I was quite taken aback by the people who take their children's money to save for a house deposit somewhere in the future, or spend them on bonds. Hmm

OP posts:
morefun · 10/09/2020 18:02

Yeah, spending choices aside, I would be mortified if my dd (she's 9 too) did that to someone and would make her pay some back from pocket money (not £100 though) as a gesture of apology.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 10/09/2020 18:03

If I give money as a present I hope the person spends it on something they enjoy. I don't attach conditions to the gifts I give Confused

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 10/09/2020 18:04

@Viviennemary

I'd be pretty annoyed if I gave a child money as a birthday present and found out it had been frittered away on gambling games. And I would be annoyed at the parents for allowing it.
It's not a 'gambling game'.

smashes forehead in to keyboard repeatedly

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 10/09/2020 18:05

It's not a gambling game ffs!

Have you seriously not heard of Roblox? Do you have children?

U2HasTheEdge · 10/09/2020 18:10

My 11 year old shared her password with a friend and her friend stole loads of her roblox stuff.

I have taught her not to share her passwords. She has had that lesson at school also. She trusted her friend and she got it wrong. It had nothing to do with my lack of teaching her. I have never shared my password, but I have trusted people which later turned out to be a mistake.

OP, you don't need to justify what you let your child spend their own money on either.

Like my daughter, yours was naive to share her password- they put their trust in a friend and it backfired.

Lollypop701 · 10/09/2020 18:16

I’d be very happy if the money I gave as a gift to a child made her happy doing what she wanted with it. ops Dd is spending time with her friends, online, socialising. The game sometimes costs money, so she pays it. She is 9 so op keeps an eye, sounds fine. I would not be happy if I spent my birthday money on something which a friend decided to take!!! ... the other mum is condoning her child stealing...what is stolen isn’t really the issue. I’d be livid

Snowpatrolling · 10/09/2020 18:17

If it’s roblox, you can contact customer support and get the account back.
You won’t get the tonic back tho.
I’ve had to do this after my daughters account got hacked.
I’d also block the girls from the game and all forms of social media contact. Mother clearly doesn’t give a shit.

VBT2 · 10/09/2020 18:18

It sounds like a good lesson for your daughter, she won’t be sharing passwords again. I doubt you’ll get anything back, but you can be a bit more assertive with the other mum. I’d stress that you’re not satisfied with her response and unless you receive a full apology, you’ll be forced to report it to the gaming platform.
I would also get in touch with your school safeguarding lead about that photo.

playparkrage · 10/09/2020 18:23

OP I'm with you and can't believe all the hoover than thou crap you're getting on this thread.

I'd be mortified if my child was the other girl and id be telling her to give it all back.

£100 since january on bits and bobs on these gAmes really doesnt seem that bad to me tbh. I have a son who likes to buy add ons for games too, and I do limit it, but £10 quid a month isn't exactly the end of the world. She'd be spending it on some other plastic crap instead no doubt, if it wasn't this.

ImFree2doasiwant · 10/09/2020 18:23

@consideratealpaca You're right of course, your DD did deal with the pic very well. My point being really that even not having her own WhatsApp , she still saw it. Good idea to report it.

I do also think the other mum is unreasonable. I'll admit, I don't "get" gaming. My children are younger, but still I won't be sending hundreds of pounds on consoles.

ImFree2doasiwant · 10/09/2020 18:25

Also, the Lego comparison is a good one, and I guess it's good to not have endless tat coming in the house.

SpaceOP · 10/09/2020 18:28

On plus side OP, good thing we aren't playing a drinking game where you have to drink every time a poster is outraged that you are letting your child gamble. We'd all be legless by now....

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 10/09/2020 18:32

On plus side OP, good thing we aren't playing a drinking game where you have to drink every time a poster is outraged that you are letting your child gamble. We'd all be legless by now....

I'm up for that 🤣🤣🤣

now I'm going to name change and come back all outraged at gambling kids so I can get pissed

TheLastStarfighter · 10/09/2020 18:33

@SpaceOP

On plus side OP, good thing we aren't playing a drinking game where you have to drink every time a poster is outraged that you are letting your child gamble. We'd all be legless by now....
OMG I was trying to find the words and you hand summed it up perfectly 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

@consideratealpaca I am sorry you are having to deal with so much crap, but this thread is historical, particularly how you are responding so patiently each time 😂😂😂

TheLastStarfighter · 10/09/2020 18:34
  • hysterical 🙄. Not historical.
MrsKeats · 10/09/2020 18:34

A 9 year contract old on WhatsApp and spending a hundred quid whilst gaming unsupervised.
What could possibly go wrong!

eeyore228 · 10/09/2020 18:35

My DD will be 9 soon. I’m no circumstance would she be allowed to spend that amount of money on an online game. Additionally her lack of understanding of internet safety is worrying. Should she really be playing a game if she gives out her passwords? Ultimately it’s a harsh lesson for you both, you need to talk to her about how to be safe online and keep her money safe!

MintyMabel · 10/09/2020 18:36

That was one of the first things I stated, that I wanted to make her aware that X&Y had happened.

But you wanted to engineer an apology too. That’s up to the kids.

CatsArePeopleToo · 10/09/2020 18:40

All of you involved were wrong and pretty thoughtless. (I hate this type of games with passion)

PablosHoney · 10/09/2020 18:46

I can’t believe the other mum wasn’t more angry with her child! I wouldn't even let mine take items be they physical or imaginary that were offered to them by friends let alone steal them all 😱

ButteryPuffin · 10/09/2020 18:46

OP, I would do the following:

Have another go at talking to the mum. Say that you must not have made this clear before, but her daughter has taken things in the game that didn't belong to her and you expect her to give them back, that same day. If she does then that will be the end of it. Take someone with you if possible for this conversation.

If the mum doesn't cooperate, I would

  • tell the school what's gone on
  • tell the other parents so they know that other children shouldn't trust this child in the same way with login details
  • stop your child playing the game with this girl again, and set up other groups for her to play with other kids without this girl being involved.
MerylBleep · 10/09/2020 18:48

To allow your daughter to spend 100 quid on utter nonsense is just so bizarre

But it's not utter nonsense. It's no different than spending her birthday money on physical toys. The pp's daughter enjoys gaming, enhancing her experience is perfectly normal