To think this mum should have been more concerned

[consideratealpaca]

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

9yo has unrestricted access it online gaming and ability to spend real money, and has a WhatsApp account. What could go wrong?

001 the child doesn't have a WhatsApp account - the mum does. The child just used it to communicate with her friends. You know like in ye olde days your parents had a landline (or rather there was one phone in the house) and you used it to phone your mates.

@HowFastIsTooFast

It seems wrong that the game owners should be enticing children to spend such huge sums on things with no intrinsic value

But Netflix and Disney+ and a movie at the cinema have no intrinsic value either. Neither does Spotify or Amazon Music or the bloody TV licence!

Do you really not spend a single penny on entertainment that isn't a tangible 'thing?' @Pelleas

I spent nearly £50 on Animal Crossing and spend another £5 a month to play online. That's about the same as the OP's DD has spent this year on her game. Why is one ok and the other not? 🤔

@HowFastIsTooFast Did you miss the last line of my post which said

Fine for adults to spend their money in this way, but these games shouldn't be marketed at minors.

You can't (as far as I am aware) subscribe to Netflix, Disney+ etc. or buy a TV licence etc. if you are under 18. Not sure on cinema rules about unaccompanied minors, but the cost of a cinema ticket is a fixed thing - you don't go into the cinema and go on and on buying add-ons, as you can with gaming.

Do you really not spend a single penny on entertainment that isn't a tangible 'thing?' @Pelleas**

I am an adult, not a minor, but actually, apart from my TV licence I very rarely spend on intangible things. I don't have any subscription TV services and I don't play computer games. I've been to the cinema about 3 times in the last 20 years.

I spent nearly £50 on Animal Crossing and spend another £5 a month to play online. That's about the same as the OP's DD has spent this year on her game. Why is one ok and the other not?

You are an adult and therefore can be presumed to understand the value of money and make your own choices.

There's a reason why many of the things you listed are not available to under 18s - likewise gambling - and that's because children are easily exploited, since it takes time and experience to learn how to spend your money sensibly.

Of course, some adults never learn this, but a line has to be drawn somewhere.

JeanBodel

Some people posting on this thread really don't understand gaming. This will not stand them in good stead for understanding the world of young people today.
I agree, there seems to be a lot of people on this thread who are totally blind to the world they are introducing their children to in a bid to appear "cool" with their kids🙄

@00100001

9yo has unrestricted access it online gaming and ability to spend real money, and has a WhatsApp account. What could go wrong?

She has none of those thing if you RTFT.

She has an account for gaming which we monitor closely, any spending comes from her own pocket AFTER she's asked for our permission.
And I have a WhatsApp account, which she uses to contact her group of class friends to see when they'll be online, total usage of about 30 minutes a week. I monitor her messaging.

I am an adult, not a minor, but actually, apart from my TV licence I very rarely spend on intangible things. I don't have any subscription TV services and I don't play computer games. I've been to the cinema about 3 times in the last 20 years.*

To be perfectly honest, your life sounds miserable to me. That's not to say that it is miserable to you, but I wouldn't wish to live that way. If we want to subscribe to TV services and play online games, go to the cinema etc....what business is that of anyone else's?

@consideratealpaca

* I am an adult, not a minor, but actually, apart from my TV licence I very rarely spend on intangible things. I don't have any subscription TV services and I don't play computer games. I've been to the cinema about 3 times in the last 20 years.*

To be perfectly honest, your life sounds miserable to me. That's not to say that it is miserable to you, but I wouldn't wish to live that way. If we want to subscribe to TV services and play online games, go to the cinema etc....what business is that of anyone else's?

I was answering HowFastIsTooFast's question. I didn't offer any opinion on whether you or anyone else should or shouldn't use those things.

@consideratealpaca

She has none of those things if you read the full thread

Yet your 9 yr old daughter saw a picture of a woman with a penis in her mouth, on your WhatsApp.

It's quite frightening how many of you do not understand gaming considering your child will certainly play an online game at some point. Honestly you need to go get better clued up.

I'd be raging OP. I wouldn't let it lie.

[quote ImFree2doasiwant]@consideratealpaca

She has none of those things if you read the full thread

Yet your 9 yr old daughter saw a picture of a woman with a penis in her mouth, on your WhatsApp. [/quote]
Yes. I was happy with the way she dealt with it. It's not like it passed me by, I was aware immediately and informed the other parent.
Unfortunately you can't shield your children from this stuff forever, it finds a way to get through. When I was younger than nine I'd found porn mags in the verge and had a ganders, probably because my parents had never discussed bodies or sex with me. DD behaved well in reaction to the blow job photo, let's get a grip here.

This is one of those threads where I wonder if a few change of words would have completely different responses. Imagine if you had a 9 year old who had a large Lego set as a gift at Xmas. Then every week since then they get their pocket money (£3) and buy a Lego Minifig to add to their Lego world. Your child's friend wants to borrow the Minifigs for a while - but then refuses to give them back. They keep them. That's theft isn't it? You would be annoyed and angry at the friend and expect the mother to do something. Wouldn't you?
This is the same thing. Really it is.

To be honest op I would be talking to the safeguarding person at your kids school about that photo.

Your dd handled it really well, but this little girl shouldn't be seeing pornagraphic images, let alone downloading them and sharing them with others.

Did you manage to contact the gaming people today about the account?

[quote ImFree2doasiwant]@consideratealpaca

She has none of those things if you read the full thread

Yet your 9 yr old daughter saw a picture of a woman with a penis in her mouth, on your WhatsApp. [/quote]
Are you deliberately either misreading or misinterpreting the OPs posts?

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

To be honest op I would be talking to the safeguarding person at your kids school about that photo.

Your dd handled it really well, but this little girl shouldn't be seeing pornagraphic images, let alone downloading them and sharing them with others.

Did you manage to contact the gaming people today about the account?

That's a good idea and something I'll consider, thank you. I think the school would like to know as I mention before, they are very hot on this sort of thing.

Yes, gaming platform contacted. Just waiting for them to get back to me now.

Fingers crossed for you.

You sound like a great mum. Allowing your dd to have freedom and make choices with your supervision keeping her right is really valuable for kids, even if they have to learn by making the odd mistake, they are still learning, and these lessons will be invaluable in years to come.

I think a lot of parents are very old fashioned and uninformed this is what kids do now. I’m having training on dealing with Bitcoin - which is essentially online currency. It’s happening This is the world our children are inhabiting. Tut tutting about it isn’t helpful. Age of criminal responsibility 10 op so not sure you’ll get very far

I confess that I'm astonished at a 9 year old getting £400 as birthday money, and being allowed to spend £100 freely? It's asking for trouble, as she's too young for that responsibility.

I thought my DH and I were maybe being over generous in allowing our DDs £20 holiday money each, and allowing them to spend money on Minecraft games. But we have control over all of it, they need my Apple ID to make purchases and, apart from holidays, we stick to their £5 a week pocket money.

Yes, the friend is in the wrong, and her mum sounds very weak. (I would be mortified and would make sure the money was reimbursed.) But, in your shoes, I would feel that the buck stopped with me for not supervising closely enough. And it's just too much responsibility for a 9 year old.

It is a minefield now, the role the internet is playing in children's lives, tbf. I've found it a challenge. And I've learned the hard way that they can see things that aren't good for them, for example on you-tube. But you can at least avoid financial loss by retaining control of the passwords so you can keep track of how much money is being spent.

@Mittens030869

I confess that I'm astonished at a 9 year old getting £400 as birthday money, and being allowed to spend £100 freely? It's asking for trouble, as she's too young for that responsibility.

I thought my DH and I were maybe being over generous in allowing our DDs £20 holiday money each, and allowing them to spend money on Minecraft games. But we have control over all of it, they need my Apple ID to make purchases and, apart from holidays, we stick to their £5 a week pocket money.

Yes, the friend is in the wrong, and her mum sounds very weak. (I would be mortified and would make sure the money was reimbursed.) But, in your shoes, I would feel that the buck stopped with me for not supervising closely enough. And it's just too much responsibility for a 9 year old.

I appreciate many of the points you make and agree, but DD does not spend online without asking our permission first. She also needs my Apple ID to purchase anyway, so I have total control.

The £100 she's spent is since her birthday in January which amounts to a few £s a week, on something she really enjoys so she's had her money's worth.

Of course the buck stops with me, I'm her parent. But in this case I'm perfectly happy with how much money we give our children on birthdays and if she wants to spend some of that on gaming I will reluctantly agree, because it's her money!

£5 a week pocket money you say?

So they get more than the op let her dd spend on this game per week then?

Not that shocking at all really.

Don't know about anyone else but I don't constantly supervise my 9yo dcs conversation after I'm sure they are speaking to a friend either. It would have taken less than a minute for ops dd to pass on the login details.

Shit happens to everyone, we all make mistakes in our parenting and learn from them.

@Mittens030869

I confess that I'm astonished at a 9 year old getting £400 as birthday money, and being allowed to spend £100 freely? It's asking for trouble, as she's too young for that responsibility.

I thought my DH and I were maybe being over generous in allowing our DDs £20 holiday money each, and allowing them to spend money on Minecraft games. But we have control over all of it, they need my Apple ID to make purchases and, apart from holidays, we stick to their £5 a week pocket money.

Yes, the friend is in the wrong, and her mum sounds very weak. (I would be mortified and would make sure the money was reimbursed.) But, in your shoes, I would feel that the buck stopped with me for not supervising closely enough. And it's just too much responsibility for a 9 year old.

Read the thread!!!

It's not in one go, it's a few pounds a week.

Blimey. OP - report your post and ask MNHQ to amend the title or your OP to stop this incessant misjudgment

I don't understand why parents would police their childs birthday money?

Oh here's £100 but you can't buy the thing you want. Happy birthday 🥳

20:12katy

I'm astonished that you'd allow a 9year old to gamble. But perhaps this is an early lesson that fools and their money are soon parted

And I'm astonished you can't tell the difference between gaming and gambling.

£100 on a gaming. That’s horrific I buy a jigsaw pack for a fiver in I want it or I can save points for them I do pay about £2 a week to get rid of the adds but that’s only so I can play the game without adds every 30 seconds. I won’t buy the diamonds in my fish tank I refuse to hand over £3 for nothing, kindle books are different even then unless very special I wait for deals.

£2 a week is not far off what the ops dd was spending per week if you rtft.

You spend over £100 a year or a game, why isn't that horrific?