To think this mum should have been more concerned

[consideratealpaca]

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

I'm astonished that you'd allow a 9year old to gamble. But perhaps this is an early lesson that fools and their money are soon parted.

The mum sounds like a twat to be honest. I don't blame you for being pissed off.
BUT, your DD really should not have given her login details to anyone, which she has now learned the hard way unfortunately.

Yes, that was the first thing I said to my daughter...that this was a valuable lesson to learn.

It's not gambling @katy1213

You need to take more control over your daughters gaming. My son is 9 and also likes to play online with friends but if he wants anything buying then he asks first and I decide if he can have it or not.

Block this girl on any gaming or social network. The mother and this girls aren't bothered. Think of it as a lesson learned and give you daughter a proper conversation.

I can't get further than the fact that you'd let her spend that on a game. It's absolutely ridiculous. Being silly enough to hand all her password and details to someone is the kind of thing kids her age do. Sounds like you need to be supervising more.

I think all the adults involved need to take far greater responsibility for what their children are doing online tbh.

To allow your daughter to spend 100 quid on utter nonsense is just so bizarre I can't really comprehend it.

Errr stop treating her like a teenager and try to remember shes only 9!! Honestly shes a little girl and you are allowing her on all sorts of platforms that are inappropriate. Online gaming, whats app?? Why just why?? And you let her fritter away £100???? You clearly aren't bothered about teaching her the value of money are you. Come on step up and parent ffs!
The problem here wasn't the other girl, it's your dd not having good guidance and boundaries from you.

I actually can't get passed the fact you let your 9 year old child spend £100 on pretend diamonds on a online game for children? The fact they even cost that much is beyond ridiculous but the fact you allowed it is outrageous in my opinion!

Surely she’s not old enough to use any of these things eg WhatsApp min age is 13

It's not the other Mum's parenting that is of concern here! OP, you are letting your daughter live like a teenager - nine years old is too young for unsupervised access to internet gaming, WhatsApp, and online purchasing. Of course she blew £100 (£100!) and got herself into distress.

You need to take responsibility for your part in this and think - where does she go from here, if she is hooked on gaming ("loot boxes" are addictive www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/games/2019/nov/22/loot-boxes-increasingly-common-in-video-games-despite-addiction-concerns ) and being bullied via social media at nine?

I get what people are saying here and I do often say no to DS spending his money on fortnight skins (whatever they are), but is it really very different to allowing a child to spend their birthday money in Smyths? Are bits of plastic automatically better than digital downloads?

The kid is a thief and her mother has okayed it. There is nothing you can do.

Get the game profile back and salvage what you can. Block the girl on ALL platforms whether it's through the game or on the phone. Tell you DD to stay the hell away from her. If her mum is good with her daughter stealing over £100 worth of stuff from a friend then you don't want your kid near her. It really isn't any different than her walking out of your house with DD's scooter or favourite dolls.

However, I'm the kind of petty bitch to see if DD could talk/trick the girl into giving up her password and doing the same right back.

To clarify...
The gaming platform is for children her age. She only uses WhatsApp on my phone so I can monitor all of her conversations. No, I wasn't happy that she's spent £100 on this game, but she asked my permission. She had 400 birthday money and spent 100 on a game that she loves to play with her friends from school.

I’m sorry but I think (I maybe wrong) ultimately it’s your responsibility to ensure your daughter is educated on the basics of safety and security online. That includes speaking to her about keeping her own log in details private especially when she’s spending that amount of money on her account.

I think this is a lesson learnt. Perhaps you can reflect on your daughter’s spending and ability to keep things secure? Also perhaps a good lesson learnt about friendships?

Your daughter needs a chat With you but in all honesty given what’s happened it sounds like she’s more likely to think twice and probably never make that mistake again.

That being said, if someone approached me and told me my daughter had just stolen jewels or whatever it was ... I would question my own daughter and try and put it right.

I'm going to be in the firing line here OP but I'm with you. I'd be raging. My kids play online games (monitored of course) and, I could be wrong, but I'm guessing the other child dominates your daughter and your daughter just happy to be her friend for a moment gave her details. This other girl knew what she was doing.

I'd be mortified if one of mine did that.

I hope your daughter learns from this and sets her boundaries.

The gaming platform is for children her age
Says who? The makers of the platform? Who sell 'diamonds' to kids?
Oh OP, think. What were you doing at nine? Was it any of this?

For a 9 year old to spend £100 on a game is madness. "Its her money" is BS, you are her parent and you should ensure she looks after it and spends it wisely, it's your job to teach her life lessons, not let her squander large amounts of cash on pointless, non-existent 'diamonds'

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist
Thank you. I'm also kind of of the opinion that she would get more enjoyment out of her digital downloads than I bunch of plastic crap.
Her birthday was in January and to date she's spent £100 on her gaming and almost £100 on an experience day which she will get to do soon hopefully. The rest is sitting in her piggy bank along with her pocket money. She does understand the value of money, and how hard it is to earn because she has this drummed in to her daily by her dad and I.

Valuable lesson learned. She won’t dribble a lot of money away on non-existent rubbish again, hopefully.

This is a salutary lesson for the pair of you.

Your daughter has given her online details away to another child who has then used them.

And you have failed to parent your child properly. £100 on virtual shite which will be gone tomorrow? And not supervising your child to the extent she was able to give someone else her login details. These games are frequented by all sorts. You’re lucky it was only a girl in her class, it could have been a paedophile masquerading as a child...

The lower age for WhatsApp now is sixteen btw.

My DS was having this conversation with a family member recently whose parent lets their children play on roblocks or whatever the hell it’s called. Said children are also nine, and it’s not possible to exclude strangers from contacting you.

DS is seventeen. It took him about fifteen seconds to find this child’s profile

No sympathy here sorry.

I’d tell the DD it served her right for giving out her details, would then give her a stern talking to and would then remove all access to online games of any sort, and if I ever gave it back any spending would be controlled by an adult not a fucking nine year old child...

your daughter shouldn’t have given her user name and password to someone else. she’s old enough to know that. my son is always asking for coins on his playstation but there is no way i’d let him spend £100 on them! even if it was his birthday money. i think you just have to accept that the money/items are gone and hope your daughter learns a valuable lesson from it.

Have to say I’m shocked reading this - your daughter is too young to handle the responsibility of monitoring credits and keeping logins safe. It’s too much too young and I’m not surprised it’s led to trouble.

@littlecatfeet
The game is for kids her age. It's certificated by a body that's similar to the one that certificates films.

She plays it on a PC downstairs where I can keep an eye on her. She's had talking to after talking to about online safety so I'm surprised that she's been stupid enough to give out her log in details. But she says 'I trusted her and she said she'd help me'.
She knows it's tough titties now and that she's lost her money through her own stupidity, but is it too much to ask that the other mother be apologetic about this?

If I were you I would concentrate on how risky it is for your own daughter to be on an online gaming platform. That is totally inappropriate.

Clearly you’re not supervising her well enough though if you A, allowed her to spend £100 on virtual non existent stuff, and B, if she has given her online details to a friend. For all you know she could be being groomed online by god-knows-who.

You think the other mother should have been concerned, but you don’t seem to give a shit about your own poor parenting choices.

Fgs I don’t even spend £100 on my weekly groceries.