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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum should have been more concerned

735 replies

consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 20:07

Dd9 has an account on a popular online gaming platform. During lockdown she spent a reasonable amount of time playing this game with her class friends from school. One particular girl and DD have butted heads a few times and fell out, which to me seemed like normal kid like behaviour and I wasn't concerned.
Despite me trying to persuade DD not to, she opted to spend some of her birthday money on 'diamonds' to enhance her game experience. I think she spent roughly £100 in dribs and drabs, which I wasn't impressed about, but it is her money when all is said and done.
Last week she came to me and said her account had been 'hacked' and all her diamonds, special objects etc had been stolen. She was then shut out of her own account. It finally transpired that she'd given the girl in her class who she frequently argues with her log in details.
Ordinarily I wouldn't particularly care but this child has stolen the things she bought with her birthday money as well as all the credits she had accrued in game play.
The girls had a brief exchange on WhatsApp and the class friend admitted she had taken my daughters diamonds etc and then changed her password.
I'm pretty sure I can take back control of the account for her, but everything is now lost. Her friend meanwhile, has all of my daughters diamonds and credits.

I messaged the mother of the child in question and whilst the message was read, it was ignored. So I approached her in a polite and friendly way in the playground this afternoon. I was hoping that she'd be shocked at her daughter's behaviour and perhaps we'd get an apology at least. I do not want to be reimbursed for the lost money, and stated that from the start.
The mother's reaction was just to shrug and waffle about not getting involved. Am I right to be mildly pissed off, or ridiculous for making an issue of it to begin with?

OP posts:
Ditheringdooley · 09/09/2020 22:20

@batshite - great idea. Other kid’s account being frozen would be a result (for presumably breaching terms of user agreement). If all the other kids at school are into these games, she will learn the consequences of her actions.

BatShite · 09/09/2020 22:20

As is demonstrated on here, lots of people don't actually get it so I'm not surprised this girls mum doesn't seem interested. Not sure what you can do about it though.

Tbh even though it sounds a huge waste of money to me (and many others seemingly) I would think (hope anyway) that most would still discipline their child had their child purposely stolen something, even if it was on a game! Hell, my kids are into those stupid LOL dolls at the moment, which is a HUGE waste of money and I know it too, but eve if they took one little plastic tat piece from a friend knowingly, I would come down on them like a ton of bricks tbh.

YouJustDoYou · 09/09/2020 22:21

All of this outrage at spending money on an online game just shows how out of touch a lot of people are. She is effectively paying for entertainment or an experience

Because she's 9!!!! She doesn't even understand bills, or savings etc yet! Adults can spend that because they have disposable income AFTER having to pay bills etc (technically- of course not all adults know this). Of course you can spend money on fun things and entertainment AFTER you've learned to pay for the necessary stuff first. It's a boring, stick up the butt lesson , but by fuck I wish someone had taught me the skills of saving as a kid and not just spending everything on shit.

GachaBread · 09/09/2020 22:21

Oh behave the lot of ya!

Roblox alone make about 50 million a month.

OP you are not a shit parent x

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 22:23

The other child regularly has money given to her by her parents to buy these diamonds, so I firmly believe that her mother knows exactly how much they cost and their 'worth'.
DD screenshot the entire conversation where this girl admitted the theft and now she has 120k diamonds while my little girl has none. Yes, it's crazy...money for nothing. But it's what they love to do, when everything else had been taken away from them during lockdown, and I indulged it. Whether you find that ridiculous or not is another thing altogether. I did, and that's that.
As I said, it was in dribs and drabs. She had to hand over the cash from her piggy bank whenever we agreed she could spend some of her birthday money.
I can't help it, I feel sad for her. Even though she was monumentally stupid. And I'm just gobsmacked that the other mother doesn't care.

OP posts:
sassafras123 · 09/09/2020 22:24

A nine year old with 100 quid ? To spend on gaming? Why is she doing this at that age? Come on be responsible act like a parent do things with her interact let her be a child. I feel sorry for kids these days that have to depend on games for entertainment. They are missing out on the real world. I know it can be difficult at times depending on circumstances but this is your child and you should be interacting together going out exploring the world not spending money on gaming.

SeaEagleFeather · 09/09/2020 22:24

this is 100 pounds spent and stolen, that 100 (in the drips and draps that your daughter got it over lockdown) REAL WORLD money is gone.

at one point, books were seen as trash, then buying music tapes was trash, now online stuff is seen as trash even though this is -real- money.

Im honestly not sure what recourse you have, OP, but this is real money gone and just as bad, a betrayal.

You are more than justified in expecting an apology, but Im not sure what you can do other than suggesting your daughter warn her friends, and backing her up.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/09/2020 22:25

I wonder how this woman would feel if your dd came for a play dat and stole a couple of her dds games in disc form. Bet it would be a completely different story.

Twigaletta · 09/09/2020 22:25

It is a hard lesson for your daughter to learn about trusting friends. I would be ashamed if my daughter stole £100 off another friend (virtual or otherwise the intent and impact is the same). So YANBU to think the mother should be more interested in the situation. Perhaps she doesn't actually understand it was real money that was ultimately lost?

I would ask the gaming company to investigate and with a bit of luck the same thing will happen that happened to a PP. It gets returned (or not all of it to teach the lesson) and the other account is blocked. Thieves should never profit from their crimes.

Everysinglebloodytime · 09/09/2020 22:25

@YouJustDoYou

All of this outrage at spending money on an online game just shows how out of touch a lot of people are. She is effectively paying for entertainment or an experience

Because she's 9!!!! She doesn't even understand bills, or savings etc yet! Adults can spend that because they have disposable income AFTER having to pay bills etc (technically- of course not all adults know this). Of course you can spend money on fun things and entertainment AFTER you've learned to pay for the necessary stuff first. It's a boring, stick up the butt lesson , but by fuck I wish someone had taught me the skills of saving as a kid and not just spending everything on shit.

But that's about a 9 year old having access to that amount of money, not what she spent it on.

It's no different to spending that money on magazines or comics. It's all shite which entertains.

People hear gaming and get a stick up their arses. The world is changing (and my kids would laugh their heads off if they heard me say that because I'm renowned for having hated and complained about them for years) and you'd actually have to try and understand it in order to get it.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/09/2020 22:27

@sassafras123 and how do you know the OPs dd doesn't do all those things. Ffs, just because she's allowed to game aswell. Get off your high horse.

Sometimeswinning · 09/09/2020 22:27

£100!!?? On "diamonds"?? My kids would love you. Mine are lucky to get £10 worth on their birthdays and that pains me.

SeaEagleFeather · 09/09/2020 22:27

The problem is that games rightly forbid any sort of password sharing at all. Unfortuantely your daughter, being very young, doesnt see why yet. Now she's found out why :(

But I do think that the only thing she can do is tell her friends.

Everysinglebloodytime · 09/09/2020 22:29

@BatShite

As is demonstrated on here, lots of people don't actually get it so I'm not surprised this girls mum doesn't seem interested. Not sure what you can do about it though.

Tbh even though it sounds a huge waste of money to me (and many others seemingly) I would think (hope anyway) that most would still discipline their child had their child purposely stolen something, even if it was on a game! Hell, my kids are into those stupid LOL dolls at the moment, which is a HUGE waste of money and I know it too, but eve if they took one little plastic tat piece from a friend knowingly, I would come down on them like a ton of bricks tbh.

Yeah but as is demonstrated here, a lot of parents have no idea. They assume it's not real, they think it's gambling (WTF?!) so are busier focussing on criticising something they don't get than the actual issue.

I think from more recent posts it seems like the mum does get it so mine was a moot point Smile

Ifonly4one · 09/09/2020 22:29

It is a hard lesson at their age.
It happened to DD twice on roblox account by 2 different sly friends 2nd time she swore they must have been watching her put in the password.
I'd be livid if my DD done it on someone else.

Ditheringdooley · 09/09/2020 22:29

@consideratealpaca it is sad because she had her trust betrayed. You can tell her that she shouldn’t have trusted her etc but still sympathise with her.

I’ll say it - other mum is being totally scummy. Do try contacting the games company. Your daughter might not be the first person that she has done it to. Share the screenshots with them and user names etc so they can investigate.

At least your daughter knows to avoid this girl...

LadyMinerva · 09/09/2020 22:30

Good lord you are really copping it OP. Good to know there are so many perfect parents in the world. Makes me feel good about the future.

Moving on from the sarcasm, the other parent should be mortified however you have been given an insight in to why her child behaves the way she does.

The good news is that your DD has learned a good life lesson about trust and security and will eventually move on from it.

Parenting is a tough gig and from what ive read, you are doing a great job.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/09/2020 22:30

Of course you can spend money on fun things and entertainment AFTER you've learned to pay for the necessary stuff first.

Yes op get your dd to chip in for the household bills put of her birthday money before she can buy herself anything fun.
Maybe she should take kver the has and electric bill for a couple of months 🤣

Jumpjumpjumper · 09/09/2020 22:31

I'd rather my daughter spend a few pounds here and there on Roblox, than plastic shit that ends up as landfill.

What difference is it to going to the cinema? Paying for sky sports?

ClarkGriswoldsChristmastree19 · 09/09/2020 22:32

@consideratealpaca

To clarify... The gaming platform is for children her age. She only uses WhatsApp on my phone so I can monitor all of her conversations. No, I wasn't happy that she's spent £100 on this game, but she asked my permission. She had 400 birthday money and spent 100 on a game that she loves to play with her friends from school.
MY.HEAD.JUST.EXPLODED!!!

9? 9? And you're allowing her to play like that? This is your fault Op!

Original poster
consideratealpaca · 09/09/2020 22:33

@YouJustDoYou
We've tried very hard to instil a good work ethic in our children and help them to understand the value of money and how hard it is to earn. She hasn't spent any of her birthday or pocket money on plastic shit from Smyths. She saves very diligently actually, and almost nine months after her birthday she still has over half of her birthday money and has an experience day paid for which she's excited about. Is that a waste of money too??

OP posts:
NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 09/09/2020 22:35

I don’t understand the outrage over letting her spend 1/4 of her birthday money on a game she enjoys.

Do none of you subscribe to Netflix or Disney+? How much does that cost you over the year and what do you have to show for it at the end of the subscription? Nothing physical but hours of enjoyment. It’s the same deal.

Would the same outrage be had if it were iTunes vouchers the DD had been scammed out of I wonder.

Emeraldshamrock · 09/09/2020 22:35

Little thief. Is it animal jam try sending a report her to the helpdesk.
I'd insist she gave them back her DM is selfish a C.F.
My DD has spent 1/2 her weekly allowance on roblox for 4 years. hundreds She saves the other half.

BatShite · 09/09/2020 22:38

I think the mum is a lost cause.

I do think, that if you report the girl, especially if your daughter has screenshots, but tbh the gaming company will be clearly able to see whats happened anyway, as they will see the other girl logging into an account that was not theirs, and moving the items...the company will penalise the person who stole in some way. As I said, mine was on neopets, but I think most online gaming things have the same kind of t&Cs, stealing from someone elses account would break them on near all I would imagine. Your daughter might not get the items back, but its likely the thief will lose all of her items.

This does not solve the ignorant mother issue, however..I suspect that if the thiefs account IS stolen/blocked..the mother might suddenly have an interest then! Might be an issue once her child has lost stuff that cost real money, and no its not been stolen from them, but removed as she stole it off others.

Lessons learnt all round in my opinion.

Your child learns not to be so trusting and a bit about online safety.
The child who stole, learns not to steal else your own stuff might disappers.
The mother leatns that ignoring problems can make them worse, afterall, if she just told her kid off and returned the items to start with, then the account would not have been blocked, and she would not also be cash down. From the sounds of it, much much more cash than whan your daughter has lost, given the numbers of diamonds you said..

And you get that kind of smug feeling of satisfaction knowing that the twatty mother is raging about it all..and might in future actually communicate when her kid does smething wrong?

Notfeelinggreattoday · 09/09/2020 22:40

Shes 9 , yes she shouldn't of given out her details but plenty of adults have been fooled into giving out details etc
£100 is a lot but then you said since jan so if in dribs and drabs its not too bad and most kids waste there pocket money etc at this age
Not sure what you can do about the girl , maybe say to the mum as its theft etc you may take it further as she clearly isn't willing to talk to her daughter ( not sure you can take it further , but she may not know that )