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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School acting unlawfully?

376 replies

emmapemma91 · 09/09/2020 15:58

My little girl started a new school Monday, she’s 6 and starting year 2. She has SEN and is waiting for assessment for possible autism.
Today she was only at school for an hour and I got a phone call saying to pick her up as they ‘can’t deal with her needs and she’s disrupting the class’.
Now she’s been put on reduced timetable, only doing mornings. Obviously I’m concerned about her mental health and how she’s coping but isn’t sending her home ‘unofficial exclusion’?. And should I call them out on this? They’ve said they’re going to need her picked up again tomorrow if she doesn’t settle. And it seems a bit extreme to put her on a reduced timetable after only 2 full days.

I will start the EHCP process soon but know the school need to use their resources to try settle her first, but it seems like they aren’t prepared.

OP posts:
Sockwomble · 16/09/2020 16:45

If you homeschool your daughter will be less of a priority to the LA than all the children needing extra support who are in school. That shouldn't happen but it is the reality.

1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor · 16/09/2020 17:11

Did they give you a fixed term exclusion letter today? You must push them to give an exclusion letter every time they ask you to collect her, these letters will be your evidence for an EHC Needs Assessment.

If they refuse to give you the exclusion letters then you should email the school asking them to confirm the time you collected your dd at their request and the reason for the exclusion, It doesn't matter if they don't reply because that will act as evidence of maladministration if the LA refuse to assess.

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 16/09/2020 17:22

@1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor great advice I’ll do that. No, no fixed term exclusion. They don’t agree with me going for a EHCP and think I’m trying to ‘run before we can walk’ and she needs more assessments.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 16/09/2020 17:23

[quote emmapemma91]@1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor great advice I’ll do that. No, no fixed term exclusion. They don’t agree with me going for a EHCP and think I’m trying to ‘run before we can walk’ and she needs more assessments.[/quote]
Who's organising the assessments?

MillieEpple · 16/09/2020 17:37

Just to say my son had his assessments for his ehcp outside of school as he couldnt access school. However he did remain on role and strict about that. I pushed the school to fund the alternative provision which in this case was LA tutors coming to our house.

1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor · 16/09/2020 17:42

The LA have a duty to get assessments done as part of an EHC needs assessment, if the LA refuse to assess then OP can take it to tribunal, illegal exclusion and illegal part time timetables will be proof of a failure to adhere to the Law. OP has stated that she has used a model letter to request a needs assessment.

OP, your dd is failing to cope, school are failing to cope and acting illegally, stop them from acting illegally.

JustMeUnderATree · 16/09/2020 17:50

Unfortunately a lot of us parents who have been through this know that it isn't just a case of Covid making extra provisions impossible, they were never there to begin with and it is harder now.

At the end of the day, given you have to get your other DC on his school transport (and I don't think people realise somebody has to be there to put them on the bus with the guide & pick them up even if it's secondary school and at your door), your DP needs to make alterations to his working life or get involved in why you are having to do everything to facilitate the needs of both your children because you can't be in two places at once and you should not be bearing all the responsibility, especially when you are together. Sorry that's blunt but I've met so many dads who are so engaged, then so many more mum's that struggling on their own.

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 16/09/2020 17:50

@1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor the SENco keeps talking about how we have to work with each other and how important it is to have a good relationship with each other, which I totally agree with as I’d much prefer to work with the school rather than against, but it’s just so hard at the minute I don’t know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
emmapemma91 · 16/09/2020 17:54

@JustMeUnderATree he has made alterations to his work luckily, so what he’s here when my son gets dropped off after school, as he works different shifts he can’t be there morning and afternoon. I totally agree with what you’re saying though, too many men leave it to the women.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 16/09/2020 18:06

Are they giving you work for DD to do at home for the time she's out of school OP?

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 16/09/2020 18:19

No, I mean she’s got her normal reading book and spellings that every other child has but that’s all.

OP posts:
JustMeUnderATree · 16/09/2020 18:29

@emmapemma91 I'm so glad DP is being supportive.

I would push if you're getting DC into school and they are attending then they are having to call you to bring her home then what's going wrong is a school coping issue, not a school refusal issue.

JustSaying101 · 16/09/2020 18:29

@emmapemma91

No, I mean she’s got her normal reading book and spellings that every other child has but that’s all.
They should be supplying work for your DC. You should email Senco to ask why they are not providing anything.
JoannaofCastile · 16/09/2020 18:33

@JustMeUnderATree "your DP needs to make alterations to his working life or get involved in why you are having to do everything to facilitate the needs of both your children because you can't be in two places at once and you should not be bearing all the responsibility, especially when you are together".

I think i read early in thread , OP does not work, to enable her to be there for her children and attend appts etc. OP's DH is only /sole bread winner for the family. I am not sure OP's DH reducing his hours or missing/changing/being unavailable for shifts , in current climate, is advantageous. That would impact the families finances.

JustMeUnderATree · 16/09/2020 18:52

@JustSaying101 Ive got a nearly 16 year old, leaving school with no education or qualifications, not because she's not capable but her echp budget has been received & spent by the school and not on her needs. I've been fighting for years.

JustMeUnderATree · 16/09/2020 19:05

@JoannaofCastile And OP said her DP was supportive and I said that was fantastic. There is a high rate of female carers suffering from depression & isolation but thank you for telling me off, it's really changed my life and made me question my existence Hmm.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 16/09/2020 19:17

Not sure of the procedures for year 2, but my DS who is diagnosed and has a EHCP wasn’t allowed to start year R until they had employed a one to one for him. He’s now older and honestly all I can say is if the school starts off like this please don’t expect that it’s going to get any better once you have the paperwork. I really hope your school is not like the one we’re at. I should have known when he missed most of year R and wasn’t allowed on school trips that school was rubbish for SEND. Good luck OP.

JoannaofCastile · 16/09/2020 19:27

@JustMeUnderATree I wasnt telling you off at all. Just highlighting that OP's DH is the only earner in the family. It may not be that easy for him to just take time off work at the drop of a hat, without comprising his job and colleagues. It does indeed look like he is helping where he can. I was just pointing out that Op and her DH agreed this current set up.

It is not always easy or practical for main bread winners, in this type of set up ( mum at home , Dad at work), to drop everything at short notice. That is all i was saying.

I just thought the last thing OP needs right now is an argument with her DH about his working hours.

JustMeUnderATree · 16/09/2020 19:42

@JoannaofCastile i totally agree with you. I was just addressing OPs situation that if she's got to have one DC in school & be there to settle for however long that may take time, school transport for the other DC is not going to wait or turn up at an exact time and they have to have parent/guardian handover, you can't just leave them on the doorstep. Where is her lfe?

murgatroid · 16/09/2020 19:57

the SENco keeps talking about how we have to work with each other and how important it is to have a good relationship with each other

That's bollocks isn't it. The SENCO clearly doesn't want to work with you, if she did she would sending you the paperwork you requested, and making a plan for your DD so she can start to access full time education.

What she means is - she wants you not to make a fuss or cause extra work for her, and let them continue to illegally exclude your child and not support an EHCP application.

Any "good relationship" is already scuppered because you know she isn't doing her job properly at your child's expense.

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 16/09/2020 19:57

Her what, sorry?

OP posts:
Original poster
emmapemma91 · 16/09/2020 20:00

@murgatroid yes, exactly that. Although can’t work out why they are so against an EHCP or outside agencies apart from not wanting to scupper their outstanding rating. Just so confused on the next step. Do I just keep sending her to school and see how it goes over time, or pull them up on these exclusions and try to get paperwork.

OP posts:
JoannaofCastile · 16/09/2020 20:09

@JustMeUnderATree
I wish i had an answer for you about where OP's finds time for herself but i am afraid i don't. I personally only finally got time for myself when my children grew up.

The only thing i can say is that there are many families in a similar situation. I know that it is not particularly helpful to the individual now but it shows the OP that she is not alone in this.

JustSaying101 · 16/09/2020 20:31

@emmapemma91 Personally, I would be inclined to try and do both at the moment. It's still early days for transition and much can change within a week. Keep emailing, keep requesting paperwork re exclusions, request Senco to send any work that your DC will miss due to these exclusions. This will help you build your evidence.

Hopefully, EP will visit soon home/school and they will be able to make recommendations for school to carry out. Sometimes there are specialist Autism teachers/inclusion support workers that could get involved additionally to support your DC...it might be worth checking your LA to see if you can self-refer if your school are not willing to do so. I would also complain about the Senco to the Head and/or SEND governor at the school, particularly surrounding the refusal to involve external agencies, which is completely bizarre.

DobbinReturns · 16/09/2020 20:35

If they wanted to work together they'd accept you can't time travel! You're compromising plenty what with part time timetable and picking up after 10 minutes.

There are some schools who do not want to have to explain to outside agencies and provide evidence to the LA. My experience is instead they try and create a situation where you de-reg. I really wouldn't do that at this point, as you already have EP engagement.