Different rules for my kids? WWYD?

[CovidStoleTheRainbow]

13 yo, 9yo and I'm not sure what's fair.

My eldest goes out after school and it's a pain for him to come home for dinner time (he goes out at 4ish, dinner is a 5.30ish) so we cover it and he warms it.

9yo who's only playing across the road now refuses to come home for dinner and wants us to warm it later, this has an impact on his bed time, it also means he kicks off at the time he's supposed to come home, basically he's being a pain in the butt all around and his argument is that eldest DS has his dinner later so why can't he?

We also have toddler DS so it impacts on that, his bed time (one of us at work, one of us juggling the kids).

Basically it's all gone to shit.

So I'm thinking I force them all to have dinner at 5.30, I don't care where they are they come home.

Or I cook dinner and no one sits at the bloody table apart from the toddler and it impacts DS3 and therefore DS2's bedtime and nothing is streamline any longer.

Can't do dinner later because I would have the problem I'm already experiencing now, can't do it earlier because the person with the kids won't be back at work yet.

YABU - make them both come home for dinner on time

YANBU - DS1 is older he can come in later, but DS2 and DS3 are younger and should be home for dinner at 5.30.

@MyCatHatesEverybody

Tell your 9yo that if he's so bothered about the same rules applying regardless of age he can go to bed when the toddler does.

😂 love this one

What time is the working parent back? In your set-up I’d ideally feed the toddler at 5.30 then have everyone else eat together later on.

This. It's fine for the rules to be different for 9 and 13, but 5.30 is ridiculously early and even 9 year olds need a life outside school and home - especially this year.

Personally I would prioritise a family meal at a normal dinner time, and organise the youngest's bedtime around that.

That would be the entire household changing their routine to suit the 9yo. That’s not compromising, that’s pandering to his strops.

It's not pandering to his strops, it's listening to his point of view and taking on board one of his points (5.30 is too early for me to come in) but not accepting the other point (I want to come in whenever I feel like it like my older brother does).

Lots of people have made the point that you shouldn't treat children of different ages the same. But insisting that 9 year old has to eat an early dinner is treating him like the toddler.

What time is the working parent back? In your set-up I’d ideally feed the toddler at 5.30 then have everyone else eat together later on.

This.