Unfair treatment of my daughter by class teacher

[Mummy20192]

Need some opinion please... my 9 yr old dd was very excited since summer holidays to return to school and to be able to run for the class eco monitor.. she did research on oceans, pollution over the lockdown all ready for election of the year. Anyways she won the ecomonitor role in class by democratic vote of her peers. She was super proud and excited.

Today she goes into school, and her teacher tells her that a senior member of staff has said that she has to share her role with the eco monitor of PST year as that child is very passionate about the environment.

My port dd is sad and embarrassed as she thinks her teachers think that she’s not good enough to be eco monitor even though her classmates voted for her.

I explained to her that’s it’s ok to share the role, but now I’m thinking that it’s completely unfair on the part of the teachers to put my child in this situation when no other children in the school is having to jobshare apart from my dd. Am i overreacting?

Something like this happened to me at secondary school. The teachers in our year selected one outstanding pupil from each class for a TV interview with Ben Elton (can't remember the topic). I was selected with 3 others. All of a sudden, we were told one of the favourite pupils in the year below us will be joining us. I was pushed out for the interview in the end and she took my place. All I got from that is that it's not worth taking part in extra school stuff.

Wind your bloody neck in

oh dear...

Perhaps she thinks your daughter would struggle and may need the support. Perhaps the other child is unpopular and would never win the vote but the teacher knows they’d do a great job. Perhaps the other kid needs a confidence boost or a distraction.

that's a LOT of perhaps 🤔

I object to the person calling someone else “a Karen”
That’s pathetic, misogynistic and needs to stop 🛑

And as for the original poster, come to terms with this, your child was lucky enough to be voted for, there would have been other children equally hoping to win, who didn’t.

Your daughter won’t win the next thing, how will you cope ?

Rude as it sounds, you need to grow up a little.
With apologies

I’m with the OP. Her daughter won fair and square and now there is an arbitrary changing of rules by the teacher that is very undermining of one of the lessons here - that of how democracy works. This isn’t democracy, it’s a putsch.

Yes, the role is a trivial one, but it mattered a lot to the girl and she worked for it. Now her work is belittled by posters here and she is dismissed as the “pushiest or prettiest” rather than the winner in a free election. Grossly sexist. And besides sometimes the pushiest get elected (think Trump) and the rest of us have to live with it.

Plus there are teachers on here admitting they rig elections! What? This is Britain and elections should be free and fair - even for school council.

But then schools are dictatorships, aren’t they? Kids are conscripted and rules are made arbitrarily. It’s one reason some children have a miserable time there. Who is this other child who is jumping into the job? Teacher’s pet? What this is teaching kids is that favouritism is apparently OK and anyone who complains is dismissed with the misogynistic slur of being a “Karen”.

It’s a good opportunity for the two to work together and for the love of crap, don’t complain to the school.

What about winning a role fair and square and then someone else who didn’t even try for the role being handed the role on a platter because the teacher has a favourite? What are we teaching our children about democratic vote?
What does it say about being voted for a role just based on popularity?

This collaboration sounds ideal, one popular child very much appreciated by her peer with one child, most likely not do popular but with a wealth of knowledge and interest.

What an experience to start leading on a role with someone who might be very different to her do both will have to learn to adapt to the other person's personality.

If it had been my DD, not I my I wouldn't have been upset but been delighted with the idea and would have sold it as such rather than acting all offended because she doesn't get to get all the glory on her own.

@Mummy20192

What about winning a role fair and square and then someone else who didn’t even try for the role being handed the role on a platter because the teacher has a favourite? What are we teaching our children about democratic vote? If collaboration was needed, no need for peer vote... how is that fair?

Do you know that's actually the case or have you assumed? If your DD won the class vote, she's clearly a confident popular child. 'Democratic' activities like this are often simply a popularity contest. It's great that your DD is passionate and has worked hard for this but is it possible the other child has too but is perhaps quieter/less popular and not likely to win a vote, so this role could really boost their confidence in class?

this 'debate' puts Brexit and General Election in an entirely new light 🤣

Yabu, you don't know what the situation is with the other child, perhaps they have autism or similar and kids aren't very kind to them and won't vote for them. My dd was that other child - kids were cruel to her yet she was more capable than the rest of them! She was given a role without voting because her teacher saw her passion

There will be a reason the other child has been given a role: bereavement, abuse, special needs, sickness of a parent or caregiver. The teacher is unlikely to share that reason with you if it is any of the above. Tell your girl to be proud of herself but to be kind to the other child.

YABU because she got the job.

What about the poor kids who prepared speeches and showed an interest? They’re the ones who’ve been fucked over.

If you were the mother of one of those you’d have a point!

Wait I'm confused. Is the other kid the one who last ecomonitor last year but didnt run this year? But teacher decided they should do it anyway? Is the other kid even happy about it? Seems teacher has overridden both kids choices. I'd tell her to talk to teacher about it, it's a good lesson in standing up for herself, explain that the other child didnt run and isn't bothered about the role and she feels she's able to do it herself and wants that opportunity as that's why she ran.

Right.
I posted upthread about my experience of running the School Council for many years upthread.

Similar to what @GinWithRosie said, it's just a bit of a gimmick which will have died a death come Christmas by the latest.

I loved running the SC and spent a lot more time on it than my predecessor. It took up a lot of my time (HLTA, so I had more time available than a teacher).

However, there just isn't enough time; kids lose interest; run out of things to discuss; the shine wears off.

To be perfectly honest, things like School Council; Eco Warriors; Healthy Eating Club are box ticking exercises to keep OfSTED sweet.

I doubt if your daughter will give a fig about this in a couple of weeks.

Please don't mention how upset you or your daughter is. She's likely to get a lecture from the teacher about 'resilience'.

I would say something purely because a similar situation at school completely undermined my already rubbish self esteem (my mum spent my childhood telling me she wished I was a cot death statistic). That wasn't the teacher's intention, they had no idea that's how I'd read the situation as I'm good at faking confidence, they just wanted to include the another child and thought I'd see it for what it was. Instead I "resigned" feeling that I wasn't good enough, they thought I was being "a bitch" and I ended up being sent to one of the deputy heads. Everything got sorted out and that other child and I are still in touch many years later but it caused a lot of misery.

Who is this other child? A member of Extinction Rebellion who doesn’t believe in the popular vote? How do they get preferential treatment? If they were so capable they should have put up or shut up. This is an elected role. Many others in class are no doubt just appointed by the teacher.

People who are belittling the OP are clearly not versed in the democratic system or British justice. This stuff matters - even aged nine!

*unimaginativeusernamehere
Op "Aibu"
Everyone "yes"
Op "but, but, but"
*
Why do people regularly post this sort of thing when it's blatantly obvious that everyone responding does not think the OP is being unreasonable? You just make yourself sound unpleasant and not terribly bright.

This is always posted on thread where this was the case early on, with a pile on of YABUs, followed by posters who point out that there is another side to the argument. It's a way of bullying those who are daring to disagree.

@ElizabethMainwaring I think it’s the teacher who needs to learn some resilience. The popular vote didn’t go as she wished so now she is just imposing someone else? She should grow up! The OP’s child has been horribly undermined here.

Another whingy teacher-bashing thread.

And I say this because the OP's OP makes it clear that it wasn't the teacher's decision. They were overruled by a senior teacher.

But the goady thread title says otherwise.

Next.

@unimaginativeusernamehere

Op "Aibu" Everyone "yes" Op "but, but, but"

There will probably be a reason the girl has been given a share in the role, a reason you and your daughter aren't privy to

Not everyone, no.

OP it’s natural to feel disappointed for your DD. It’s a situation that has been handled badly. Changing the goalposts after the vote is a crappy thing to do.

@echt

Another whingy teacher-bashing thread.

And I say this because the OP's OP makes it clear that it wasn't the teacher's decision. They were overruled by a senior teacher.

But the goady thread title says otherwise.

Next.

I'm pleased that they 'Karen's crap is being strongly objected to on MN. Previously, those of us who pointed out the misogyny of the term were accused of defending obnoxious behaviour in shops/restaurants. Whereas the point we're making is that it's just become another way of keeping women in their place. It's possible to call out bad behaviour without resorting to misogynistic and ageist insults.

It's also become a way to insult other posters without risking a post being deleted.

And yes to it being very unkind to women who are called Karen.

@Mummy20192

What about winning a role fair and square and then someone else who didn’t even try for the role being handed the role on a platter because the teacher has a favourite? What are we teaching our children about democratic vote? If collaboration was needed, no need for peer vote... how is that fair?

I suppose it’s a good life lesson for her that life is not necessarily fair or black and white. The collaboration opportunities will be great for her and she’ll develop her team work skills. There are lots of positives that you can use to sell it to her. The worst thing you could do would be to cast her as a victim in this. She doesn’t need to start on that path at such a young and impressionable age.

My children are astoundingly chilled and confident.

I believe a part of this is the way I have encouraged them from early age re to put things into perspective.

This isn’t a big deal. And you should have said that you acknowledge the way your daughter is feeling but that she should make the most of it and sharing a role can be really fun

My kids have had unfair situations in primary - it happens.

DD1 would long term work around it and often eventually get what she wanted by different means, DS wouldn't try again and would take huge amounts of encouragment to do anything in future and DD2 would get upset and quickly get over it and would be about the same with future opportunities.

I'd assume there was somthing unknown going on with the child in question added on and focus on being positive and encouraging and reassuring about situation to my own.

I might have a word with teacher so they could offer reassurance as well - but that would depend on teacher as as you can see some people can be incredible dismissive of something that'svery important to a child.

DD1 did the eco committee as her year was a big one as they were being assesed by some external body - I think years either side it wasn't as much of a position. Stiil it can be very important to the child in question.