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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair treatment of my daughter by class teacher

581 replies

Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 00:29

Need some opinion please... my 9 yr old dd was very excited since summer holidays to return to school and to be able to run for the class eco monitor.. she did research on oceans, pollution over the lockdown all ready for election of the year. Anyways she won the ecomonitor role in class by democratic vote of her peers. She was super proud and excited.

Today she goes into school, and her teacher tells her that a senior member of staff has said that she has to share her role with the eco monitor of PST year as that child is very passionate about the environment.

My port dd is sad and embarrassed as she thinks her teachers think that she’s not good enough to be eco monitor even though her classmates voted for her.

I explained to her that’s it’s ok to share the role, but now I’m thinking that it’s completely unfair on the part of the teachers to put my child in this situation when no other children in the school is having to jobshare apart from my dd. Am i overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 12:28

PST is last year and it was a typo..

The other child and mine are both very similar.. both top academically in the year group, both nice and kind- however neither are in the popular crowd, both love books and extremely into their reading, both confident when needs to be. My daughter is on the spectrum. However, she is very reasonable, so she understands that it is what it is. But, my dd’s hard work and emotions don’t deserve to be ignored and asked to suck it up. She needs to know that the voting is fair and square, but the teacher has u husky undermined the vote and rest of the other children who wanted and worked hard for the same role, but didn’t get.

The way the teacher announced it was inconsiderate aswell. She came into class and Declared that the teachers feel that the girl was passionate about eco monitor last year so she will also be the eco monitor this year for the class and job share. The same teacher who said that everyone will have only one role. Expect for obviously this one child out of 90 in the year group.

This child also won the “popularity” contest last year and she has also been given another “monitor role” this year. While my dd and other children are overlooked.

This is not the best way to welcome back children after the lockdown and undermine their first efforts back in school. Every child has a right to fair treatment and fairness with the process. The sharing job role idea is not wrong, the way it was done is wrong, and my child’s feelings will not be gaslighted.

I appreciate teachers work very hard especially now, but they are not gods who do no wrong.

Ecomonitor is role is not of significance, but my child’s self esteem is important, my role as a mother is not to be friends with the teacher, but is to look out for my child’s happiness and self worth.

OP posts:
Boredbumhead · 08/09/2020 12:33

top academically in the year group
You sound hard work. How do you know and why do you care your child is top of the year group.

OhCaptain · 08/09/2020 12:34

@Mummy20192 but her turn got cut short because of Covid did it not? So maybe they figure this is fair?

ZezetteEpouseX · 08/09/2020 12:40

To be honest, whilst I would stress the fact that life IS unfair and people HAVE favourite (school or work!), I would also balance that someone like the other child is so passionate that sometimes it pays off, so your DD is not completely discouraged and doesn't bother putting any more effort.

It IS true, sometimes passion pays off.

Original poster
Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 12:41

Making a point that they both are very bright and capable of the role.. and both very similar in personality, intelligence, and socially.. so neither are any better or worse off than each other. Ex let mine is on the spectrum so sees situation in a bit more black and white- which maybe the teacher should have considered !

OP posts:
Pobblebonk · 08/09/2020 12:42

@Boredbumhead

top academically in the year group You sound hard work. How do you know and why do you care your child is top of the year group.
And you sound jealous.
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/09/2020 12:44

If it was so unfair last year's monitors only got 2 terms, hold this year's election at half term instead.

Pobblebonk · 08/09/2020 12:44

@Osirus

I think PST means:

Previous School Term

Makes sense. It also makes it obvious why this child was chosen - as she didn’t get to do anything in this role during the term she was elected.

No, it doesn't, otherwise the same would have happened with every role for which elections were held.
Pobblebonk · 08/09/2020 12:44

[quote OhCaptain]@Mummy20192 but her turn got cut short because of Covid did it not? So maybe they figure this is fair?[/quote]
So why isn't that fair for every other post holder?

LadyOfTheImprovisedBath · 08/09/2020 12:45

She came into class and Declared that the teachers feel that the girl was passionate about eco monitor last year so she will also be the eco monitor this year for the class and job share

I'd focus on this with DD - other girl didn't get to do her full post last year.

My daughter is on the spectrum.

Actually does your DD have a point - have they assumed she'd need support? I think I would have a word with the teacher in this situation just to understand what's happened a bit better.

Byallmeans · 08/09/2020 12:48

YANBU. If my child was pissed off about this I’d agree with her it’s shit. She won the vote.

I don’t agree with minimising children’s feelIngs if they feel upset about something - especially if they care about it a lot. I’ve got three girls and I’ve encouraged them to allow them selves to feel shit about stuff and voice their opinions. I dont want them trained in to being passive to benefit others so by the time they are adults it’s normal to let others push you over. Team work is great but if you can’t work or apply yourself independent your only ever going to be as good as your ‘tream’

OP if your still on the thread - I’d agree with her it’s shit. Tell her to carry on though and not be pushed out.

Original poster
Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 12:56

I told her this morning.. that we are proud of her, and I hear her concerns and I am proud of her for coming to me with it.. I told her it takes a bigger person to show kindness as it’s not the girls fault. Life is sometimes unfair and this is one of those instances and we love and ahe has no reason to feel that she is not worthy of her role. I will also take this up with the teacher, as she’s an adult and she can deal with “THAT”’parent!

OP posts:
Byallmeans · 08/09/2020 13:01

@Mummy20192

PST is last year and it was a typo..

The other child and mine are both very similar.. both top academically in the year group, both nice and kind- however neither are in the popular crowd, both love books and extremely into their reading, both confident when needs to be. My daughter is on the spectrum. However, she is very reasonable, so she understands that it is what it is. But, my dd’s hard work and emotions don’t deserve to be ignored and asked to suck it up. She needs to know that the voting is fair and square, but the teacher has u husky undermined the vote and rest of the other children who wanted and worked hard for the same role, but didn’t get.

The way the teacher announced it was inconsiderate aswell. She came into class and Declared that the teachers feel that the girl was passionate about eco monitor last year so she will also be the eco monitor this year for the class and job share. The same teacher who said that everyone will have only one role. Expect for obviously this one child out of 90 in the year group.

This child also won the “popularity” contest last year and she has also been given another “monitor role” this year. While my dd and other children are overlooked.

This is not the best way to welcome back children after the lockdown and undermine their first efforts back in school. Every child has a right to fair treatment and fairness with the process. The sharing job role idea is not wrong, the way it was done is wrong, and my child’s feelings will not be gaslighted.

I appreciate teachers work very hard especially now, but they are not gods who do no wrong.

Ecomonitor is role is not of significance, but my child’s self esteem is important, my role as a mother is not to be friends with the teacher, but is to look out for my child’s happiness and self worth.

I’ve agreed with your first post. I think it’s u fair.

But in this post you say neither girl is in the popular group then first ok down you say the other girl won most popular girl last year.

So which one is it?

AndAllOurYesterdays · 08/09/2020 13:01

I agree OP, all this is teaching your child is that people in authority can override agreed processes if it suits them. While the class vote may have not been the best route for choosing the monitor, it was the route. To change it retrospectively is unfair and shouldn't go unchallenged.

LadyLairdArgyll · 08/09/2020 13:11

OP it's a horrible unfair thing that has happened and I believe the Teacher has behaved appallingly ... Tell you DD from me that I send her Congratulations on winning her role and for not being a shoe in by Teach 🌺

sunglassesonthetable · 08/09/2020 13:18

Teacher has handled this really badly. They are not infallible.

They might know what was good for the other child but they have ignored the needs of your child. They BOTH count.

Explain to your DD how well she has done researching, standing up and talking, caring about something. Good for her! Irrelevant if the result is a popularity contest anyway. God how nasty are some posters.

And explain how she can work with this other child and they can support each other ( pretty sure you have ) Don't berate her teacher but point out that things do change and to be positive and roll with it.

And then email the teacher and point out that this upset and embarrassed your daughter and they should have a different method of appointing children if they already have a candidate in mind.

You're not over reacting by being aware this is an unfair way to go about things. And you are aware that your DD is now sad and embarrassed for no good reason.

Point that out to the teacher.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 08/09/2020 13:20

Also sorry but what is PST year?

Aridane · 08/09/2020 13:21

So next time we get a pm by election and the queen thinks someone is passionate, should the pm have job share Because life isn’t fair?

Er, he does job share (with Dominic Cummings)

WantToBeMum · 08/09/2020 13:21

There are plenty of circumstances in life where you work hard, put the effort in, do all the right thing, and it doesn't work out how you want. That's life... It's a life lesson to learn.
The teacher picking someone else to collaborate with doesn't in any way devalue your daughter's efforts or ability. She will naturally be disappointed and surprised, but then she needs to be able to pick herself up and get on with doing what her classmates voted her in to do.
As for you comparing this to a general election - in a GE we all vote for a local MP who we hope will do good work locally and we get a baffoon of a prime minister and have to suck it up. Not the same at all as a class election!

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 08/09/2020 13:22

Sorry-just saw your explanation ^^ ignore me

jajabanks · 08/09/2020 13:23

I think you are being ridiculous. The teacher could have chosen this child to help them, could have sen, trouble making friend, difficult home life and not doing well and needs to be given a role to focus- whatever, you do not need to know that reason and is none of your business. My child wants to have a specific role in school this year and is extremely passionate about it, he would very much benefit from the responsibility and very much needs the focus etc but have explained that actually, just because it's the most favourite subject for them, other people need to have a chance. Yours is not the only child in the school

AfolMummy · 08/09/2020 13:24

"Last" year

ElizabethMainwaring · 08/09/2020 13:25

Maybe the teacher is trying to encourage a friendship between the two girls?

notanoctopus · 08/09/2020 13:26

@Boredbumhead

top academically in the year group You sound hard work. How do you know and why do you care your child is top of the year group.
Really??!!!
ElizabethMainwaring · 08/09/2020 13:28

@jajabanks
Op has now said that both girls have an autistic spectrum condition.
Which I consider quite a bit of a drip feed.