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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to choose own engagement ring?

104 replies

Flygirl94 · 07/09/2020 09:01

My boyfriends friend is looking to propose to his girlfriend and has been asking us questions about ring size and buying a ring. My boyfriends told him to just go and buy a ring him likes as if the girl loves him then she’ll love his ring. I think he should propose with a v cheap token ring and they should go and shop for the ring together.
On one hand her boyfriend could choose a ring to her exact taste or she’ll love how romantic is it but on the other this is going to be the most important piece of jewellery she owns which she’ll hopefully wear forever and should love it, he could get it completely wrong and she can’t say.
Thoughts or experiences please to settle a debate. I’m more than happy to be told I’m unromantic and wrong

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 07/09/2020 09:04

My DH proposed without a ring, then we went and bought one together. That worked out perfectly. Suggest that.

LEELULUMPKIN · 07/09/2020 09:05

Firstly, to me the most important piece of jewellery would be my wedding ring which DH and I did choose together and secondly, If I could'nt give an honest opinion or discussed it with him if I had hated the ring he chose to propose with me, I wouldn't have said yes to marrying him in the first place.

Total honesty or nothing imo.

GOODCAT · 07/09/2020 09:08

Proposal without a ring much better then choose together. We had fun both choosing an engagement ring and later choosing wedding rings together.

KeepingPlain · 07/09/2020 09:08

Propose without and go choose together. That's what we did. You are having to wear those rings forever (assuming that you aren't planning on a divorce), so why wear something you hate for life?

Ginger1982 · 07/09/2020 09:10

DH picked my ring. He spent ages in the shop and he picked one that he knew I'd love and he was right. I always thought I'd want to choose my own ring but the fact he had put so much thought into it was so important to me.

If I had hated it, however, I hope I would have been able to say!

Florencex · 07/09/2020 09:13

We shopped for a ring together. DH proposed using a token ring, although I thought no ring would have been fine too.

Mustardbay · 07/09/2020 09:13

We went to choose together and had the best day in the Jewellery Quarter. My partner would have chosen a simple ring which would have been fine but nothing like the one we chose together. Some of the ones we both liked in the windows just looked wrong on me.

frazzledasarock · 07/09/2020 09:14

DP proposed with a ring an aunt had 'blessed' she was a Wiccan, she told him it would bring him luck and he was very nervous when proposing so figured the blessed ring would help Grin.

Then I found I didn't like most rings so he took me to a jeweller and had my bridal set designed specifically to what I had in mind.

So cheap ring or fun ring (does she like haribos or hula hoops or onion rings) and then go out together and choose a ring.

1stTimeMama · 07/09/2020 09:15

I was also proposed to without a ring, and we chose one together. Or I chose it and he agreed! I'd prefer that way to being given a fake ring with the promise of another, I'd just want to stick with the on ehe chose. We then had our wedding rings designed and made, so again both had input in that too.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 07/09/2020 09:17

I would prefer to choose my own. In fact I never bothered with one until I'd been married for years. I wasn't really into jewellery at the time but made up for that later. 😂

My mum died this year and we found a souvenir tin with a ring forged out of tin foil in it. It had a twist in the top so looked like a diamond ring. This was from her second husband. How unbelievably romantic! Maybe your bf's friend could do something like this and they could go shopping together later.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/09/2020 09:18

DH designed my engagement ring and wedding ring. They were perfect. (And showed he knew me well)
People have different ideas of romance. I would have hated a fake ring. Other people like more control.

Sk1nnyB1tch · 07/09/2020 09:18

I think this is very personal, I was proposed to with a "symbol" ring and then chose my own. This suited me and DH down to the ground as he knows nothing about jewelry and I'm very picky. Barely wear any so impossible for him to compare with something I already had.
My friend was proposed to with the ring and loved the romanticism of that. Her DH wanted to pick the ring and would have been put out if she had said she wanted to change it.
It really depends on the couple!

LadyEloise · 07/09/2020 09:19

He could get a mock rock/ promise ring in Marks and propose with that and then take a day to shop together, go somewhere nice for-- lunch with champagne--.
Make a memorable day of it.

I'd like to choose my own ring ( and did with dh ).

whitershadeofpale · 07/09/2020 09:20

DF proposed without a ring and then we chose together a few days later.

It was lovely, he proposed on the last day of holiday and we kept it as secret from everyone until we’d picked the ring which felt really exciting. We had a wonderful day in Hatton Garden trying various things on. Had lunch together, got in some champagne and then went back and called our parents and friends to announce it.

I would have been happy if he’s chosen a ring but I think you really need to try them on to get it right, what you think you might have wanted doesn’t always look right.

I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

SquigglePigs · 07/09/2020 09:21

For us we'd been together a long time and an engagement was on the cards so when we were shopping once my now DH asked if we could look at some rings so he could see the type of things I liked and disliked. About a year later he proposed with a ring that he chose. It was perfect because he knew it was the type of style I liked but I love that he chose it. Best of both worlds. Obviously that approach won't work for everyone though.

Jeremyironsnothing · 07/09/2020 09:24

If I'm going to see something on my hand everyday, hopefully forever, you can bet my bottom dollar that I need to love it or it won't be on there.

InfiniteSheldon · 07/09/2020 09:27

Claire Accessories! Buy a £4.95 ring and then go shopping. My dh spent so long trying to choose me a ring and I got so confused it ruined the event not really but I like to hold it over him and vice versa

Hermie12 · 07/09/2020 09:28

I sent my DH a link to the ring I wanted and he bought it. If you are going to wear and see it every day you want something to your taste. I wouldn’t encourage him to buy a ring without her personally

EasterIssland · 07/09/2020 09:28

I proposed. Bought him an engagement ring and it was his wedding ring.
I didn’t hace and engagement one. He chose my wedding ring. I don’t wear it bar special occasions.

Each Person is different

Itsalwayssunnyupnorth · 07/09/2020 09:30

Proposed to without a ring and got taken straight to a nice jeweller where we had an appointment booked to chose together.

Wanderer1 · 07/09/2020 09:30

If I'd been proposed to with a mock ring it would have ended up meaning more to me that the engagement one did as it was there at 'the moment'. I love that my DH chose my ring and it means the world to me because he did. It's not what I would have chosen, but I live it more than if I had.

TheIckabog · 07/09/2020 09:31

We went ‘fantasy’ ring shopping before my DH proposed. We had talked about engagement and marriage so I knew it was on the cards. I surprised myself with the design of the ring I choose so there was no way that DH would have picked it! When he did propose, he had my ring made for me following the design I liked (he wanted choose the loose diamonds himself to ensure colour and clarity).

I had no idea when or how he was going to propose so it was still a wonderful surprise and it didn’t take anything away from the experience as it was a few months between looking at rings and the proposal.

brainstories568 · 07/09/2020 09:32

I have my great grandma's engagement ring, and my husband knew that I wanted this one before proposing. He had the actual ring when he proposed but I didn't wear it immediately as it was way too big. We got a ring from Claire's Accessories as a symbolic gesture (my fingers are far too small for any of the 'one size fits all' rings and I didn't see the point in spending £30-50 on a "temporary" engagement ring. We chose our wedding rings together in the jewellery quarter although I've just got a simple 2mm gold band and he has something similar in colbalt as we've both got very small fingers where bigger rings would look like too much bling.

Unless she's already told him exactly what she wants and he knows her ring size then she should get a say in what ring she gets to wear, if she even wants an engagement ring at all as some people don't.

Queenoftheashes · 07/09/2020 09:33

Right now I just want any proposal but I know if he picked the ring he might not get it right and I’m quite specific. However in an ideal world he’d get me the exact ring I like and to that end various of my friends have the details (And have for several years) should he wish to check with them.

ExclamationPerfume · 07/09/2020 09:33

Proposing without a ring is weird. DH chose mine and I love it.