To want to choose own engagement ring?

[Flygirl94]

My boyfriends friend is looking to propose to his girlfriend and has been asking us questions about ring size and buying a ring. My boyfriends told him to just go and buy a ring him likes as if the girl loves him then she’ll love his ring. I think he should propose with a v cheap token ring and they should go and shop for the ring together.
On one hand her boyfriend could choose a ring to her exact taste or she’ll love how romantic is it but on the other this is going to be the most important piece of jewellery she owns which she’ll hopefully wear forever and should love it, he could get it completely wrong and she can’t say.
Thoughts or experiences please to settle a debate. I’m more than happy to be told I’m unromantic and wrong

@heartsonacake

I think having a token ring and/or going out and choosing one together is just silly and defeats the purpose of the proposal.

This is something the man should do based on everything he knows about you. If he doesn’t have a clue about your taste or what would be special for you both then you probably shouldn’t be getting married as you don’t know enough about each other.

The purpose of the proposal is to find out whether the other person wants to marry you. Rings have nothing to do with that.

I think that proposing with a ring, apart from all the sexist shite and baggage, puts pressure on the woman to accept, and also, as seen in this thread, to pretend to like something she wears and sees every day to avoid hurting the feelings of a man who was sure of himself that he didn’t consider her feelings.

DH surprised himself by proposing after a month together so we (okay, I) chose the ring together. I knew exactly what I wanted and there it was in the window.

He recently surprised me with an eternity ring which is 95% what I would have chosen but the thought and planning behind it makes it 100% perfect and it gives me a warm glow every time I look at it.

@heartsonacake

I think having a token ring and/or going out and choosing one together is just silly and defeats the purpose of the proposal.

This is something the man should do based on everything he knows about you. If he doesn’t have a clue about your taste or what would be special for you both then you probably shouldn’t be getting married as you don’t know enough about each other.

But this is the 21st century. I personally think proposals are outdated. A couple should be able to have a conversation about the future and agree if marriage to each other is something they want, along with being honest about whether to have DC, too. I'd accept a ring, but would even things up by buying something personal in return, probably a ring, depends what they'd like.

DH & I had no proposal and no ring, we just discussed getting married, and decided the time was right. I don't wear much jewellery, so for me just having a wedding ring is enough - I don't even wear that one every day. Having said that, there is no way I would have trusted, then or now, DH to pick a ring for me. He is a truly lovely man but has zero clue about these things.