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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To force DD to keep the guinea pigs in her room?

197 replies

smashingfun · 06/09/2020 22:52

DD got 2 Guinea Pigs from and a large hutch for them for her 12th birthday in May. She had been begging for them for months and was ecstatic when we got them for her. The hutch is an indoor one with 2 floors and sits in her room. Her room is large. It's quite chilly where we live (up in the hills) and so we have them inside and it made sense for them to go in DD's room as they are her pets and we wanted her to take the main responsibility for them. We made clear that they were going to be her pets and not family ones. She was all over them for a month and since then her interest has dwindled. I end up doing all of the feeds, cleaning up the shite and taking them into the garden enclosure to play, I have 2 more kids under 3 years old so I could do without the extra responsibility. DD simply couldn't give a shit. One of them was ill last month and I had to take him to the vet and she showed no concern at all. Never asked what he was diagnosed with (chest infection) or showed interest when I came up to give him his medicine.

In the past month or so she has had somewhat of an emotional growth spurt. She changed just like that and now is all of a sudden into makeup and wants new clothes. I know that suddenly changing like that is normal for this age and I imagine she suddenly got a rush of hormones (I remember similar at that age, I suddenly decided I needed to 'grow up' and never looked back), but she's like a completely new person and I can barely keep up. She's now declared that she doesn't want the guinea pigs in her room anymore. I think she has decided it cramps the teenage style she wants to go for. She told me the other day it was embarrassing having her friends round because of them.

I don't know what to do. She has the biggest room in the house and I certainly don't have the space for them in any other room. I would like to rehome them but part of me also feels that it's a shitty message to send to DD. When she was begging for them we had a stern talk about responsibility, how she has a duty to care for them until they die etc. I don't want to teach her that she can just get rid when she is bored of them. I think she's been an ungrateful, unpleasant little so and so about it all. DH is annoyed with her and insists we make her keep them in her room to prove a point. But I feel that is unfair on the piggies who deserve an attentive home where they will get the nurturing they deserve, I feel awful for even getting the poor things in the first place and do accept some responsibility for it all.

Any advice?

OP posts:

Mittens030869 · 07/09/2020 12:15

@differentnameforthis

I agree with you. I hate it when a child gets called a 'little brat'. All children behave in an entitled way at times; labelling them as 'brats' isn't at all helpful.

woodhill · 07/09/2020 12:18

GPS usually sleep at night

melj1213 · 07/09/2020 12:40

I cannot believe the aggressive comments calling the OPs dd all kinds of derogatory names - of course she isnt going to have the maturity to fully understand how much responsibility caring for a pet 24/7 is not the same in practice as it is in theory - shes 12 FFS!

I love animals and have had many pets over the years including hamsters and gerbils but theres no way I would have ever had them in bedrooms for the mess alone never mind the noise of the squeaky wheel my DDs hamster insisted on only ever using at 3am. Also, regardless of how hard DD begged and promised, I never took on responsibility for a pet that I wasnt willing to care for myself if/when the novelty wore off for DD. The OP needs to take responsibility for caring for the Guinea pigs as she is the adult and was the one that went into the pet adoption with full knowledge of how much work animal care can be.

You state that your DD moved rooms because she was disturbed by traffic so I presume she has issues sleeping, so having the guinea pigs in her room is probably not helping that. If they're vocal or scrabbling about at night/active in the early hours then even if they arent waking your DD up they may be disturbing her so she isnt getting a restful night's sleep.

At the very least they need to be relocated to another place in the house/garden/shed/garage etc until you can responsibly rehome them to someone who can and will care for them properly.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 07/09/2020 13:49

Most DC lose interest in a pet for many reason

No, most children do not lose interest in their pets. Nice kids love their pets, they’re part of the family.

rookiemere · 07/09/2020 13:54

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze most children do love their pets, it just doesn't translate into taking active care of them. If you asked DS 14 he says he loves rookiedog dearly - and I'm sure he does - but it would take both DH and I not to be around before he'd feed, water and walk him.

unimaginativeusernamehere · 07/09/2020 13:57

Take them to a rescue and get her to donate some of her pocket money to the rescue centre for the next 3 months

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 07/09/2020 14:02

It’s the fact that she doesn’t seem to have any love for them that is disturbing. She didn’t care when they were ill. I understand some kids don’t want to clean them out etc but to not actually give a shit when your pets are ill is just awful. This child is completely self absorbed and if that isn’t addressed now, there will be huge problems in the next few years.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 07/09/2020 14:09

most children do love their pets, it just doesn't translate into taking active care of them. If you asked DS 14 he says he loves rookiedog dearly - and I'm sure he does - but it would take both DH and I not to be around before he'd feed, water and walk him.

This child showed no concern when their pet was ill and having medicine. She doesn’t love them. This is more than just being lazy not wanting to do the actual care of them.

My kids can be as lazy as any other. When it comes to our pets though, they would literally do anything. They always make time for them as they understand they’re not something to pick up and put down as it suits you. They love them.

vanillandhoney · 07/09/2020 14:11

No, most children do not lose interest in their pets. Nice kids love their pets, they’re part of the family.

Loving your pet is not the same as being willing to do all the work that's involved in looking after them.

Parents who buy pets because their DC have promised they'll do all the hard work are naive and, dare I say it, a bit stupid. Children aren't capable of making those kinds of decisions. If you buy a pet for your child, you're agreeing to do all the work involved because you're the adult in the situation.

lunar1 · 07/09/2020 14:12

The pets are your responsibility, you could swap rooms so you have the big one with them in and take responsibility for the animals you bought.

Your daughters attitude isn't great, but you should be teaching her by example that pets are not something you cast aside when you are fed up with them.

unmarkedbythat · 07/09/2020 14:17

I'd rehome them because I find keeping animals in a worse home than they could otherwise have just to use them as a teaching moment to be twattish.

YardleyX · 07/09/2020 14:20

Jesus Christ.

Some nasty people.

user1477391263 · 07/09/2020 14:22

I don't think people are shocked by the fact that a 12yo is not organized about taking care of the GPs, but the fact that her attitude seems so callous and she is coming across as a precocious little teenage-wannabe. She didn't care when the GP was sick, and wants to get rid of them because she thinks it doesn't look cool in front of her friends. Ugh. I know plenty of 12yos and I don't know any as hard-boiled as that.

Maybe the friends need to stop coming to the house if it's going to encourage that kind of attitude. Definitely no to any more demands---makeup, new clothes etc.

ChickensMightFly · 07/09/2020 14:33

@unimaginativeusernamehere

Take them to a rescue and get her to donate some of her pocket money to the rescue centre for the next 3 months

That's a good suggestion.

Angelina82 · 07/09/2020 14:45

I thought guinea pigs were quite robust little things and could live outside? Either way it’s unfair that you have to deal with all their care when it wasn’t you who wanted them so I think you should re-home them, move your spoilt DD to a smaller bedroom and never ever buy an animal again unless YOU want it.

TurkeyTrot · 07/09/2020 14:49

My DD got two guinea pigs when she was 11. She's now 17 and has looked after them properly all the time, including making sure someone else steps in when she's away.

Her friends love the piggies and play with them when they're over.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/09/2020 15:10

I think it's ironic that some of the 'compassionate' pet owners on here appear to have no compassion or understanding of children. The name calling and suggestions of shaming and punishing a child for an entirely foreseeable event are quite odd.

Shaming and punishing doesn't encourage empathy, which is what seems lacking here. Shame causes avoidant behaviour, exactly what is happening.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 07/09/2020 15:14

That’s exactly it.

GladAllOver · 07/09/2020 15:24

Just remember this when she decides she wants a cat or a dog.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/09/2020 15:38

Rehome...

But make HER do the leg work to find a rescue centre that will take them on.

Do not permit her to sell them on.

Discuss what a suitable donation to whatever rescue centre takes them would be, which comes out of her pocket money/allowance etc.

Basically have her discover that if she doesn't want them any more she has to take responsibility, and it isn't all that easy and it isn't free either.

MerylBleep · 07/09/2020 15:39

The welfare of the animals is more important than teaching your daughter this lesson.

twointhemorning · 07/09/2020 15:47

Please don't shove the guinea pigs outside in an unheated hutch. They will die. Google guinea pig rescues nearby and see when they can take your piggies in to be fostered/ rehomed, it may take a few weeks.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 07/09/2020 16:28

The name calling and suggestions of shaming and punishing a child for an entirely foreseeable event are quite odd.

Entirely foreseeable ? Only if you have kids that don’t care about animals. So many people excusing this behaviour. She’s 12, not 4.

eatsleepread · 07/09/2020 17:04

Hmm, we took in a rescue piggo round about lockdown. He's sweet, but I won't be getting another in future. We have a dog, and no other pet can live up to them in my opinion.
My 11 year old loves him, 14 year old isn't at all bothered. I force them to do what is necessary to give him a good standard of life, since he is utterly dependent on them for this. And they begged me for him!
He sleeps in their bedroom at night, with a blanket over the top to keep him quiet.
I should add that I spoil him completely, and I have never in my life spent as much on fresh herbs as I currently do!

noblebarry · 07/09/2020 18:21

Guinea pigs get very lonely on their own. It is illegal to own only one in Switzerland, they really need piggie company and to be in pairs as a minimum. They shouldn't be in a shed, garage or outside in UK winter. They are timid by nature, very prone to chest infections, and not akin to hamsters. People think they are low maintenance but they are not. OP should rehome via a rescue centre, not her own ‘personal homechecking’, and also not get daughter involved in this. Actually put the pigs first and handle daughter’s issues separately. Honestly hate to hear of adults misjudging pet needs.

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