To tell my plot neighbour I know her secret

[Oysterbabe]

(Lighthearted)
I have an allotment. It is poorly maintained but I do my best. I have a job, a 2 and 4 year old and I don't keep on top of it as much as I should. It gives me a lot of pleasure when I do get a good session down there though so I persevere. I have a monster pumpkin growing right now that I'm very proud of.

My plot neighbour has a beautiful, pristine plot that produces an endless stream of perfect fruit and vegetables. When I see her down there she's relaxing on her bench or gently pruning something. I often compliment her plot and express how envious I am. She'll usually give me a benevolent smile and say something about it's hard work but worth the effort.

Last night I popped down pretty late, just before dark, to stash some things I'd bought in the shed. There was a man there strimming her plot. I asked if he was a relative of plot neighbour and he wasn't. He is her gardener. He goes there once a week to do the weeding, keep everything tidy and prepare beds for planting.

WIBU to drop him into conversation next time she's watching me waist deep in bindweed?

she may have meant that her gardener works hard

What @craiglang said!

Either ask her gardening tips that she won't know because she doesn't garden...or

"I hope I didn't scare him off but there was a bloke in your garden yesterday , I thought he was a Vegetable Thief so I challenged him....and he's your Gardner . He'll think I'm bonkers "

Oh yes!

I'd be inclined to tell her that you bumped into her gardener and could she give you his number as you'd like to hire him for a couple of hours.

The point is allotments have always been important for those who are marginalised by society.

Nothing to do with 'joy sucking' thank you.

They are not and never have been intended for those who don't do the work themselves and pay gardeners to do it for them.

If you are well off enough or fortunate enough to have a garden of your own you should think twice about having an allotment. You don't need it.

Tell her you saw a man on her plot and you've notified the relevant people because he looked a bit suspicious and you can't be too careful.

@UnfinishedSymphon

Joy suckers are out in force I see, what part of lighthearted did you not get

I know, are some people born without a sense of humour?

I think that's funny and really not the spirit of having an allotment. Almost cheeky as others may on the list who actually want to garden.

Ooooh love this!
Thanks OP for a thread that is lighthearted and a giggle!
The think you should not actually tell her you know but let drop the off obliques reference that will keep her terrified you will reveal all 😀
(Tho' perhaps that could end with you being a castle for Rosemary snd Thyme...😀)

Put your innocent face on and just ask for the contact details of her gardener. No need to go into details of how you know!

Oh i would, why not? It’s just chat isn’t it?

That will learn her to be all uppity about her allotment innit.

The number of people losing their plots at the moment due to Builders Merchants moving in is not a joke. Or site managers taking back handers from those who wish to move on up to the waiting list.

For those of us who care about gardening this is not a joke.

OP suggest you join the National Association of Allotment and Leisure Gardeners who are discussing such matters at the moment. And provide support as well as discounts on seeds etc. Good luck

x

I would definitely have to say something .... But then my allotment is a mess at the moment.

This is hilarious, right out of Midsommer Murders stylee.

@PatriciaPerch

I think I might be one of the joy suckers :o so maybe hit her over the head with your prize marrow or get her gardener to do it

😆😆😆😆😆 genius woman!!!

Maybe she does most of it but not stuff like strimming....maybe she’s scared of strimmers or has a bad arm?

This has reminded me of when I met up with a group of friends who live across our town but all have a dc1 the same age. One of the friends A had a business making cakes and had been commissioned to make a load of cupcakes. She always put some of her business cards in the cake box and mentioned to the lady picking up would she mind giving to anyone who asked about the cakes (presuming they'd been ordered for a birthday party). The woman said no, she was planning to put the cakes in her own tupperware and take them to a school on the far side of our town that friends B,C, and D all had their dcs in, and give them to the cake sale as her own creations.

Seems the school B, C and D sent their kids to had a weekly bake sale that each class took it in turns to run. It had become competitive.

This woman bought these cakes for near £2 each then allowed them to be sold for 50p each. Me and friend A said why didn't she just give the money to the school and save the faff. Apparently we didn't understand the importance of the bake sale...

(A and I were very very glad our dcs were at different schools!)

I was thinking about hiring someone to clear my allotment because it's overgrown and It's a massive plot and will take me all year to get it clear
I've not grown anything this year because at the start of lockdown our site had a stupid rule of just one person on each plot at a time which was impossible with me having kids.
We have been a few times since they relaxed the rules but I never got much done cut some stuff down and put some groundsheets down.
So I was thinking of hiring a gardener to sort it out for me.
Now I think I'll just tackle it slowly by myself so another plot holder doesn't think I'm cheating.

Oh and I would say nothing but hire her gardener to do a couple of hours when you know she'd be there. Pretend to have hurt your back and had to hire in help. How jealous you are of her plot and have to keep up standards...

@altforvarmt

Don’t tell her you know, just have fun with it. Talk about how rewarding it is to grow a big pumpkin after all your hard efforts. Tell her you admire the results of other allotmenteers who’ve been rewarded for their hard work with what they’ve produced. Smirk just enough to get her wondering if you know.

Ooh, please do this and tell us how it goes OP

I recently got a gardener and it's the BEST thing!

I fancy an allotment now, never thought I could get my gardener to do it!