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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What the actual hell???

129 replies

Ordinarymamma · 05/09/2020 19:17

So....my dh is going away on a motorbike trip next week. He's going quite often with different people and they always bring tents and camp at gorgeous places. As in, a perfect motorbike holiday. This time is very different.....he's going with this other guy, who im not particularly fond of, but thats beside the point. So last night my husband came back from this guys house after they had been planning the trip. Telling me that this guy is taking extra money with him because he's planning on getting a prostitute whilst they're away!! What??? I cant even explain how pissed off I feel about the whole thing! My dh keeps going on, and on, and on and on about how this has got nothing to do with him and just because that guy is doing that doesn't mean he is. Yeah im not even doubting that but that isn't even my point! So.....AIBU for being angry or have i got a point??

OP posts:
PatriciaPerch · 05/09/2020 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yolio · 05/09/2020 19:55

Can't understand why your DH told you this. I'm guessing he's not too happy about it and hopes you will block him from going or something.

Weird.

Seabreeze18 · 05/09/2020 19:58

I think u need to relax a bit! Your DH sounds like he was being honest with u and u have over reacted. It’s not him doing it, it’s his friend. Yes it’s a bit scanky paying someone for sex and I would think less of someone that does it but if it’s two adults making a choice then that’s nothing to do with u! Or your dh! Plenty of people use sex to get what they want!

emilybrontescorsett · 05/09/2020 19:58

So what is your dh going to do in the hotel whilst his mate is with a prostituted woman?
I certainly would not be happy about this.

category12 · 05/09/2020 19:59

I'd give the option of going on his whoring holiday or staying in the marriage.

namedchange112 · 05/09/2020 20:00

Friday night mumsnet where all the 'cool wives' hang out.

I wouldn't be OK with this OP.

Lilymossflower · 05/09/2020 20:00

Yep if it were me then trip would be off or ide be off as another said.

Original poster
Ordinarymamma · 05/09/2020 20:01

The whole thing is just wrong. Yeah I dont actually think my DH would go with a prostitute so im not here worrying about that. My anger is towards his (married) "mate". As in, you're meant to be going on a bike holiday, that usually involves biking all day and then flaking out knackered in bed, for an early rise again. But obviously this guy sees it as a week away from home, let's get a prostitute!!! As for why I'm not going, we've not long since been away together and I dont actually mind him going away on his own with his usual friends. This is different altogether!

OP posts:
emilybrontescorsett · 05/09/2020 20:02

His friend is married! Wow what a great bloke he is.

laidbacklife · 05/09/2020 20:03

I’d be questioning why your DH feels comfortable with that. It’s really a moral issue. It’s unlikely DH’s friend is going to bother checking the prostitute’s background and whether she’s truly a ‘liberated female’.. lol... So, yes, I’d have serious issues about this and not be at all happy about him brushing it off. Silence is compliance after all.

yolio · 05/09/2020 20:03

Have you asked him why he told you about this? The answer is there.

I think he is looking for a way out of this trip.

TorkTorkBam · 05/09/2020 20:04

Married mate!

Are you expected to keep this planned cheating secret from the wife? Cheeky fuckers.

Original poster
Ordinarymamma · 05/09/2020 20:04

Yes I've asked why he's told me and his answer was because he tells me everything.....

OP posts:
Ullupullu · 05/09/2020 20:06

Something dodgy about the whole trip really, as someone says above about him offering you an alibi in advance or something. My DH would cancel if his (married!) mate confessed to a plan like this, he would be horrified. It's not just you, OP.

yolio · 05/09/2020 20:07

Not a good enough answer OP. There is much more going on.

Ask him (not tell him or order him) not to go. His response will tell all.

GreyShadow · 05/09/2020 20:07

@category12

I'd give the option of going on his whoring holiday or staying in the marriage.

This!!!!

Original poster
Ordinarymamma · 05/09/2020 20:07

I dont know his wife. Ive got no contact details for her either. I sort of know where they live but thats it. No way wouldn't I tell her if I knew her!!!!

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 05/09/2020 20:08

What does he expect you to do about the wife?

If a woman knows a man is cheating on another woman it is normal to mention it. Using prostitutes even more so. Is he ready for the the aftermath if you do that? Was he just expecting you to laugh it off and chat about the weather with the wife if you bump into her? That says a LOT about him and his attitude to cheating.

TorkTorkBam · 05/09/2020 20:09

Cross post. If he and mate are good enough friends to go on a city break together, surely you will end up seeing more of the wife.

TorkTorkBam · 05/09/2020 20:11

Pfft. I think I'd tell your DH that obviously you have to tell the wife (make out you know her details somehow). His reaction will tell you a lot about him.

ImaSababa · 05/09/2020 20:11

@Leaannb

What exactly are you upset about? Two adults making their own decisions?
This is the most Mumsnet "cool girl" thing I've ever read on here!
Original poster
Ordinarymamma · 05/09/2020 20:11

No. For 2 reasons- I dont like the guy and they've been friends for years. 2nd reason, dont think my DH would want me to be friends with the wife now because he knows I know!

OP posts:
yolio · 05/09/2020 20:13

I would not be happy about my DH going on a trip with a buzzard like that. End of.

Surely since he has told you, which is a good thing, he is not happy about it either. But he has a decision to make. He's an adult.

If he decides to go I would leave him TBH.

Fink · 05/09/2020 20:22

Would not be happy with this at all. What an appalling lack of judgment on your DH's part that he would even consider keeping up a close friendship with someone who cheated on his wife with prostitutes. He thought you would laugh about it, WTAF?! What is there to laugh about? That he thinks it's ok to be friends with someone like that? What other terrible behaviour does he think is ok if it's his friends doing it and not him?

GabsAlot · 05/09/2020 20:28

wow sorry but no my dh woldnt be going-and yes i would say that to him

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