What do I do regarding this guy from work? We both have Aspergers.

[Honeybeexo]

(Autistic) guy from work still hasn’t added me (mildly autistic girl) online on social media platform. Despite a gentle reminder. What do I do now?

Don’t wanna go into too much detail incase I out myself, but I have been working for a charity shop part time for two or three weeks now, and seemed to hit it off in a perfectly innocent way with a lad who works there. We both have Aspergers, his seems to affect him more, I notice him tapping a lot and concentrating on little things like the tape dispenser and other bits. He also has a habit of taking over everything and not leaving much work for me to do unless I specifically ask him.

ANYWAY. I asked him if he had social media, he said generally not, but he did use a certain app. I downloaded it on my break, and gave him my detail to add me. Then I left my shift and went home.

He didn’t add me, I waited three days until my next shift and I went into the shop, and quite immaturely didn’t say much to him and got on with my work. He did greet me, and when the shop was empty I softened a bit, I was chatty and I asked him how come he didn’t add me. He said he slipped the number into his jeans pocket and when he got home he forgot. I told him half jokingly “if you don’t like me or like adding people out of work, it’s ok I understand”

And he gave me the thumbs up and said, “I do its just I was concentrating on other things like the till and the bus route and didn’t remember. If I didn’t want to add you, or I didn’t like you, i would tell you, I believe in being honest”

I made a joke about how maybe he will think different of me once he knows me, and he genuinely smiled and laughed. It seemed a little flirty and nice.

We both got back to work chatting about other things, but as he finished, and walked out the door I reminded him to add me, and he said he would.

Over 24 hours later and he hasn’t. I’m working again on Wednesday but I honestly feel a bit of an idiot and don’t think I should bring it up again. I’m disappointed too. After feedback on here I honestly don’t feel hugely comfortable about returning to work, but it’s important I do this volunteering to hopefully help me get a real job.

What would you do? Please don’t be harsh on me

You already posted this and it got deleted. Same advise just leave it be.

You posted the same thing a few days ago?

Just let it go. A lot of people dont like using social media. I certainly wouldn’t add workmates. It’s not a reflection of your work relationship it just keeps
Work and home separate.

I was about to say this looks very familiar. Why was the last one deleted? I didn't read it for long but saw lots of good advice on there.

I'm guessing it slipped his mind again.

You don't really have much choice but to accept he won't add you. He may have reasonable reasons, he may not. But it's not going to help by asking him again.
Try to be professional on Wednesday and friendly if you can.
But don't mention the social media thing.
Hope it goes well.

Social media is crap anyway as she types on Mumsnet

just leave the guy alone.
you are pushing him too much to do what you want.
he is not obliged to do so. not to explain why not.
he has a right to privacy.
he is at work to work. it's not a social environment like a pub, where people might go to meet people, and can choose when to leave, whether to ever go back.
he is being polite to you in a work environment.
this could be seen as harassment in a real job, so you need to be careful. if you were an employee a colleague could make a formal complaint for this kind of behaviour.
people who have to work alongside others all day have to be polite, that doesn't mean they should be pushed into a social relationship.

it's generally best to keep them separate.
you shouldn't mention the matter again. leave him alone.
you need to treat colleagues with respect, not be overly familiar. don't make the situation embarrassing.

Leave the poor lad alone!
You’re there to work not find a boyfriend!

Maybe he just doesn’t want to be your friend. Get over it.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I have no friends at all in my life and we just seemed to be getting on so well, that’s why I asked in the first place. That is all.

Sheesh. People on here can be a bit harsh.

Do you get any real life support with how to negotiate social interactions? I really feel that would be more helpful than posting on one of the harshest boards on MN.

I think the advice you've already been given is good. To leave it be for now. These are the kind of interactions you'll have to learn to cope with in the wider world and in a work situation. Be friendly to him but concentrate on the work you are there to do. A lot of people in their workplace (I'm one of them) keep woek colleagues and friends as a separate thing. It's easier, especially if you have social communication issues. You don't have to be friends with people you work with.

We hit it off in a perfectly innocent way do you mean you're friends? You can be friends at work and chat at work.

He doesn't really use social media, he's told you that. So there's no point messaging him anyway he if he's rarely on it!

I think his autism means he finds social interactions difficult, can't read social situations well or perhaps can't follow your instructions? Whatever the reason, all this angst is silly. Don't leave your new job for goodness sake!

He likes you so just get on with working alongside him without putting all this pressure on. Try not to over analyse all your interactions. Everything will be fine if you do this.

Go to work, don't mention it

Leave it be. Lots of people don't do social media, sounds like he's one. Or it might be that he doesn't like adding too many people because it can be overwhelming.

If you're anxious about going in again, think of something you can talk about. Something you've seen on TV, or something you're interested in. Has he got any pets? I love telling people about my pet. Something neutral like that.

Do you get any real life support with how to negotiate social interactions? I really feel that would be more helpful than posting on one of the harshest boards on MN

As @Balaur says. You literally couldn't find a worse place to ask about this if you tried!

Can't believe how disgustingly rude people are being to the op.

Honestly? You seem totally fixated on this person. You clearly need more real life advice around social situations - otherwise you'll find yourself in trouble for paying unwanted attention to disinterested people.

I wouldn't ask him to go for a coffee. OP needs to back off a little, not jump in some more!

There's no reason you can't be friends.

Just see how you're getting along in a few more weeks and you could perhaps ask if he would like to have a drink after work? Or ask him if he'd like to go and get a sandwich with you at lunchtime?

If he says no then fine, just be work friends. That's ok.

You don't need social media to be friends. You can just get to know each other gradually at work.

I get you'd like to make more friends but this will happen naturally when you spend time together. You don't need to do anything but be yourself. Don't force it. Good luck

Rudeness? Really now?

Don’t mention it again. If he wanted to add you he would have by now.

It is great if you have a colleague who you get on with but it doesn’t mean he is your friend outside of work. I imagine he doesn’t want to say no to your face because that is a really awkward thing to do, don’t make him uncomfortable in his place of work by pushing this.

There's very little support for adults with aspergers. It's good advice to suggest seeking 'real life' advice and support, but the reality is that there is none.