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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel christmas

409 replies

amms36 · 05/09/2020 00:46

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

OP posts:
Redcups64 · 05/09/2020 17:41

If your DH agrees because he feels not fussed about xmas too then that’s fine.

If he is on the fence you could meet in the middle, tree up, one gift each, no family visiting.

Ditheringdooley · 05/09/2020 17:53

Indeed, if he’s not inclined to do something he can’t very well have a strop that you also are not inclined to do it. Maybe that solves your issue without making you the unreasonable party (which I don’t think you are). You’re opting out of Xmas/ visitors/ hassle - but not forcing him to do or not do anything! You’re having a neutral impact on others so you shouldn’t be criticised by anyone.

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/09/2020 17:56

I wouldn’t cancel Christmas. It’s good to have something to look forward to, even if it’s one present and a delicious meal- doesn’t even have to be a traditional one, just your fav. I would get a tree as well, personally I love looking at lights on a tree with bright decorations, and the smell of a real tree, it’s uplifting

SummerHouse · 05/09/2020 18:04

Can you feel happy or look forward to anything? If not then I think you need to consider your mental health and if you might be depressed. I am all for chucking out the tinsel and trappings but maybe, just maybe Christmas means a little bit more?

I would start with a clean sheet. Do anything that makes you or others happy that is free. I love the walks, the telly, looking at other people's lights and home baking but do whatever floats your boat.

NiknicK · 05/09/2020 18:07

YANBU to do Christmas exactly how you want even if that means cancelling it all together. Do what is best for you. I love Christmas but I think it will feel a little different this year. Plus my youngest dc is autistic and doesn’t cope well with festivities so for us every year is a little tricky.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/09/2020 18:08

You seem very negative. Like you said no one knows what the next few months will be like- they could be better. Restrictions are minimal atm anyway.

After an awful year Xmas may be what you need to cheer up! It can be on a budget

randomer · 05/09/2020 18:41

This year I've been adding things like jars of pickles (the non perishables) to my shopping trolley every so often and popping them in a box in the spare room

Yes pop your pickles in the spare room, always a winner.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/09/2020 19:01

@randomer

This year I've been adding things like jars of pickles (the non perishables) to my shopping trolley every so often and popping them in a box in the spare room

Yes pop your pickles in the spare room, always a winner.

We now have a triple whammy of Christmas, Corona and Brexit 😐 Can't wait for all the spare room storages threads😂

On a serious note. This is how I shop for Christmas. From October I start adding item there and there and it goes into cupboards or freezer. It really makes the whole thing nice and easy.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/09/2020 19:12

I’m the same, I’ve started my Christmas shopping, try and get a lot in the sales. You have to start early otherwise it’s not manageable.

randomer · 05/09/2020 19:48

@SchrodingersImmigranthro, Good Luck with your plans but heres where I struggle, I quite like pickle occasionaly, lets say once a week. Why would I feel the need to " pick up " a few jars and " pop" them in my spare bedroom in order to clebrate something I don't believe in , which is held at the darkest time of the year?

yolio · 05/09/2020 19:59

This is how I shop for Christmas....

All prepped by M+S. Visit family in the morning, we rotate this morning hosting and are all close by thankfully. Then home, into the PJs and get drunk on various drinks. Hic.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 05/09/2020 20:02

@yolio. That sounds blissful!

yolio · 05/09/2020 20:23

AmICrazyorWhat2

Sure is!

It was something that evolved over the years. This way everyone can have their Christmas Day the way they want it, but we all see each other in the morning for the day that's in it. Parents gone now bless them.

It fulfils all the criteria and everyone is happy. Hope you have a nice Christmas yourself, whatever way you celebrate it!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/09/2020 20:31

[quote randomer]@SchrodingersImmigranthro, Good Luck with your plans but heres where I struggle, I quite like pickle occasionaly, lets say once a week. Why would I feel the need to " pick up " a few jars and " pop" them in my spare bedroom in order to clebrate something I don't believe in , which is held at the darkest time of the year?[/quote]
You don't have to. 😁

BogRollBOGOF · 05/09/2020 20:50

"Cancelling" Christmas sounds rather dramatic and depressing. "Streamlining" and "delegating" sound more positive.

Dropping gifts for adults is pretty sensible anyway ( and as things are very tight this year, I would have no issue if any children were not bought for either)

Delegate the tree and decorations to DH. They aren't notmally an annual expense anyway.

I couldn't get in the mood last year, probably because we were just finishing two long-running DIY projects, plus my brain was also busy from DS1 just having an autism diagnosis confirmed. My DCs are the prime age plus one has a birthday immediately before so certain things had to be done.

Goodness knows how it will pan out this year. Current restrictions in church are making me keep my distance. No parties planned. School may not have the usual build up. Not sure what family are willing to do. I can do a quiet day at home on Christmas Day with the basics, but with most of the build up looking likely to be off or ruined, I've got no idea what it will be like. I do need that punctuation to get through the gloomiest time of year though.

goose1964 · 05/09/2020 20:57

Were having Christmas as usual DD and her family come to us, and they're on orders that if it looks like another lockdown is imminent they're to come to us,. They live in a tiny flat and her DH had only been out of hospital a day when the last one started. I expect we'll gone it down this year though.

TheCatsBlanket · 05/09/2020 21:01

I'm with you OP, the thought of it fills me with more dread than ever this year and I can't muster up any desire to even think about any of it. It's not as though we have wild parties nor a large family where we have loads of people round, but just the very thought of it looming is really getting me down.
It doesn't help seeing the Christmas decs already on sale in Home Bargains/ The Range etc.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/09/2020 21:12

You could do an alternative of bonfire and sacrifice on Solstice? Sounds more interesting anyway! You can also throw in some orgy.

RoseTintedAtuin · 05/09/2020 21:13

Aww your post made me a bit sad. If you don’t feel up to it you need to do what’s best for you and yours but I think in the dark times it’s calibrations, festivals and traditions that can give people a little something to look forward to and give a bit of light.
We too are likely to scale back this Christmas due to finances and uncertainty but hopefully this will bring a little bit of relief.

Angelina82 · 05/09/2020 21:13

I feel the same as you OP though my reasonings are very different. My mum was dying over her birthday and Christmas. She died on the 27th December and I can’t stand the thought of being jolly, but I will have to put a face on for my kids-who are missing their nan so much too. If I had the money I would piss off abroad somewhere hot with the kids, but I don’t so we will just have to face it with a heavy heart.

MsEllany · 05/09/2020 21:14

I mean, I guess it’s up to you and your husband but I can’t think of anything more miserable. We’ll be cutting back on gifts this year and will probably not visit family like we normally do, but I love the hustle and bustle, the lights and the tree. I don’t find it particular stressful though, it’s just a roast dinner with a few extras.

Imissmoominmama · 05/09/2020 21:16

@amms36- I’m with you- I hate Christmas anyway, but the thought of it this year fills me with dread. Cancelling it would ease my mind considerably.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 05/09/2020 21:18

I can't think of anything worse. Neither of us have much nearby but the tree goes us and we buy a small present each and have what we fancy for dinner - last year was sausage and mash!

If DH tells me he doesn't want the tree up, tough, it's going up anyway - I like my sparkly lights!

DressingGownofDoom · 05/09/2020 21:19

Why don't you just tell your DH you aren't visiting/having anyone round but if he wants a nice dinner and tree then he can go ahead and organise it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/09/2020 21:20

People, if it fills you with dread, you need to change it. It has always been a time of peace and bringing green in and celebrate that days are getting longer. Later it changed into apparently Jesus' birthday. it shouldn't be such a complicated even people fear it for months.

Make it yours. Tell people you will visit another time, have good food, few presents and relax. It doesn't have to be horrible experience.