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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel christmas

409 replies

amms36 · 05/09/2020 00:46

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 05/09/2020 21:22

We are the complete opposite OP. Cannot wait for Christmas.

This year we have had hospital stays (non Covid related), furlough followed by redundancy and the standard lockdown depressive feelings. But even though it won’t be lavish in any way, as money is tighter than ever, it will be an opportunity to be together and thankful about getting to the end of a shit year with all family members still with us.

What does make me laugh are all the comments/memes saying I cannot wait until January 1st. I think there are a lot of deluded people out there that think once Big Ben’s chimes stop at midnight everything is going to disappear and we will be back to normal. How I wish that was the case

yolio · 05/09/2020 21:28

It might be a reset for many going forward now.

No gifts apart from a few bob for kiddies.

Just meet up best you can with SD and enjoy the day your way. Many threads here are so depressing re the massive journeys to visit, and be cooped up for days. Ugh.

It really isn't worth all the hassle.

I agree with a pp about food. Have what is easy and tasty. To hell with all the faff around pigs in a duvet and all that shite.

Sorry don't mean to be rude, but the times are a changing..I think.

Serin · 05/09/2020 21:28

I think (hope) that covid is on it's way out now. I'm planning a wonderful Christmas as all my little uni students will be home and our nest wont be empty.
Just prior to lockdown we extended the kitchen/dining area with Xmaz 2020 in mind as we will be hosting.
Cant wait.
Covid be damned.

Franklyfrost · 05/09/2020 21:29

Don’t sulk at the world but also don’t have a Christmas you don’t like.

If life is hard and there’s a day to have a rest then take it! Pick out five special things you like doing and get your partner to chose five. Make that your Christmas. If you don’t like seeing family and feel comfortable using the Covid excuse then that’s an early Christmas present for you from the universe.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/09/2020 21:33

I agree @yolio. It will make many people reconsider how they do Christmas. And I think it's safe to assume that once they get taste of calmer and cheaper Christmas, it will stay.

yolio · 05/09/2020 21:44

Schrodinger...

Hopefully. The time has come to reset the dial with good intentions.

But I guarantee we will see many angst filled posts about ONE DAY. anyway it will take a while I think to remove the guilt thing associated with Christmas self flagellation for a lot of people.

ScubaSteven · 05/09/2020 21:53

I plan on doing Christmas exactly as we always have but that’s because it involves spending time with my family and not doing anything which causes unnecessary stress. If this year has taught me anything it’s that nothing should stand in the way of spending time with the people you love, I plan to use Christmas to show my family how much they mean to me.

This year has been one of the worst, not only all the Covid shit but my dad has been diagnosed with an illness. We’ve been robbed of enough time together as a family this year and I refuse to let that happen again.

I don’t think YABU though because everyone has to just get through this year as best they can. Make sure that it isn’t going to have an adverse effect on your loved ones, they will most likely be desperate to spend time with you at Christmas. If we get the chance then we should do it.

mylittlesandwich · 05/09/2020 21:59

OP you don't have to cancel Christmas. Just have the christmas you want. Last year we had a super lowkey Christmas because DS was about 5 weeks old and I didn't know which way was up. This year we're going to my mums because she'd love to cook DS his first Christmas dinner and when he's older he won't want to be away from his new toys. By all means tell your family to wind it in but you and DH could decide on something nice together.

CyberNan · 05/09/2020 22:03

seeing as you are not using your xmas tree this year, can I have it?

Porridgeoat · 05/09/2020 22:10

How will you tell him? When? I don’t blame you at all

whattodo2019 · 05/09/2020 22:13

CV 19 might very well be still around at a Christmas, restrictions might very well be tightly in place, live might still seems very different but for god sake get on with life and LIVE!!!

Birthday, Christmas, Weddings, etc all these events and other milestones can all be celebrated. Embrace the new regimes, celebrate and enjoy life. We never know what is going to thrown at us.

Wrenna · 05/09/2020 22:17

If he thinks it’s extreme (I actually do too) then let him do all the prep. I wouldn’t say we’re not doing it, I would just let him do everything!

Cam2020 · 06/09/2020 08:33

What does make me laugh are all the comments/memes saying I cannot wait until January 1st. I think there are a lot of deluded people out there that think once Big Ben’s chimes stop at midnight everything is going to disappear and we will be back to normal. How I wish that was the case

Yes definitely, didn't people also say that about 2019? Grin I seem to see the same miserable people in SM posting '20xx can do one' etc. every year.

MagicSummer · 06/09/2020 09:01

I think the comments re January 1st are valid. To some people, me included, it always feels like a fresh, new start. Whether or not that actually happens is beside the point. I don't think any of us are under the illusion that on January 1st everything will suddenly be back to 'normal'.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/09/2020 09:03

Tbf 2020 really can do one. 😂
We still have 4 months to go and I am expecting alien invasion, Yellowstone explosion and Trump being reelected...

user1471538283 · 06/09/2020 09:07

I understand that you can do without the pressure and stress. For the past few years we have had a fairly low key Christmas. A tree, dinner, chocolates, some gifts and seeing friends and family. I work over Christmas and then go on a city break in January. It's so much more chilled. I cannot be doing with the madness and expense this year but we will still have a Christmas. Even just a tree and dinner is Christmas and it's all you need

CareBearFan · 06/09/2020 09:10

It's a bit Cromwell, but if that's what you feel is necessary then go for it.

As an aside, I am a bit surprised that I'm the first person to mention Cromwell!!

Sparkletastic · 06/09/2020 09:10

There is nothing intrinsically stressful or expensive about Christmas. It is what you make of it. You can of course decide not to see family or friends but you must then accept that they may feel hurt and upset.

SchmooobyDoo · 06/09/2020 09:14

I’m over Christmas. Have been for a few years... We usually do dinner at home, just the two of us. Watch a movie with a few drinks / chocolates etc... Inexpensive gifts / just pick out the thing you want.
We have a new baby this year, so it will be different anyway. But I think we’ll be more involved with family as a result. But we’ll start new traditions for our son, and I think I might start liking Christmas again!

SockYarn · 06/09/2020 09:15

@MagicSummer

I think the comments re January 1st are valid. To some people, me included, it always feels like a fresh, new start. Whether or not that actually happens is beside the point. I don't think any of us are under the illusion that on January 1st everything will suddenly be back to 'normal'.
Exactly. It's the start of a new year. Spring is on its way, every day there's a little bit more daylight. It's so much more positive than the hideous month which is November with its greyness and sliding into more and more darkness.

Nobody thinks that someone's going to wave a magic wand and everything will be fine on 1st Jan. But it's a more positive and hopeful time.

RippleEffects · 06/09/2020 09:33

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

You mention not wanting to be a drama llama and having previously had issue with this. The statement 'I am cancelling Christmas' is very drama llama (not that I don't understand your sentiment).

The relevant bits to share are surely that you would like to not exchange gifts this year due to both financial and possible social mobility restrictions.

You'd also like to not make or be involved in any socialisation plans due to possible social restrictions, instead just spend this year focused and planning around you and your DH.

The actual bits you do on Christmas, whether you decorate a tree, whether you buy special bits in are personal - to share or declare I'm not doing that is making a statement that possibly doesn't need to be made.

I've always been very big on Christmas and family together time. We've had a big blow up so I'm doing a Christmas light this year too.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/09/2020 10:25

"I suspect that if I told DH he would have to organise the whole thing to make it happen, he wouldn't be so upset about no Christmas that he'd actually put up a tree, cook a full dinner etc. That's not to speak bad of him, but it's just not something I think he'd be that inclined to do." (My bolding.)
If he won't do it then he has no right to complain that you're choosing not to either. If he surprises you then all fine and dandy. Just point out to him that Christmas is his project this year, you're stepping down from it. And don't put up with any half-hearted attempts of his that he then expects you to rectify. His project. His.

Allgirlmum · 06/09/2020 14:02

Christmas is what you make it doesn’t need to be fancy expensive and stressful

My in-laws always wanted us to go out every Christmas Eve and then Boxing Day it got to much and we stopped it we have children but our Christmases without children we just in the end had lunch at home and relaxed

Last year we had a very basic Christmas we had just moved house weeks before and I was heavily pregnant we did a small tree only and Christmas dinner at home and that’s it

Just do Christmas how you want to

avamiah · 06/09/2020 17:26

I’ve always thought it was a lot of expense for basically 2 days .
I mean it’s really 1 day as all the shops open on Boxing Day .

beautifulxdisasters · 06/09/2020 17:29

I think really you don't necessarily want to cancel Christmas for your DH, you just don't want to be the one to make all the effort. That's totally understandable.

I think you could say to your DH "look, I'm so fed up and pissed off at this year and worried about money that I'm not going to organise a big Christmas. If you want to do a dinner and a tree that's fine by me, I'm just not going to do it." he can't argue with that.