To cancel christmas

[amms36]

This year has been absolutely awful. I am not convinced that it is going to improve over the next few months either.

I have tentatively told family members that I am cancelling Christmas this year. By this I mean I won't be putting up a tree, I won't be doing any 'festive' shopping, and I won't be doing anything special for Christmas Day.

Likewise, I don't expect any gifts, or anything related to Christmas.

DH thinks this is extreme and I am being unreasonable. My point is that I have never particularly loved Christmas, and feel this year especially it feels like more trouble than it will be worth. Who knows what restrictions will even be in place come December?

@FallingOffTheBed

I am committing the sin of not reading the thread, but years ago my Dad cancelled christmas. It was always filled with expectations, and expense and angst. He had had enough when i was about 14.

So we did not go to our families )(which was a blessing) and we stayed in and watched films and made chinese food (which dad is brilliant at) and for presents my sister and I got extra horseriding lessons (maybe 1-2).

It was brilliant. I did not celebrate christmas until I was an adult and met DH. I love c christmas now, but I have fond memmories of our anti christmas. :)

This is lovely. You know though. These were not anti Christmas! These were the perfect Christmas! Peace, time with family, good food and some present you will always fondly remember. Good on your dad!

We'll be putting up the tree here and having xmas lunch. Also, enjoying some time together as a couple as they'll both have extra time off work. We might buy less presents to avoid the shops and not so much contact with dropping off.

At the start of this DH said if we have one person for Xmas day, it has to be my Mum as she's on her own. Have to get my head around that one as I have two high contact jobs, one where only protection is to wash my hands when I can (masks not allowed). DD will also be back from uni and working in another high contact job. Two lots of family live nearby have dogs, not sure they'll agree, but we'd be happy to meet up with them for a good walk over nearby hills and then have some warming soup (from a flask), ie an outside meet up.

Ture Schrodinger. We always said we 'didn't celebrate Christmas'. But actually what we celebrated was just being with each other. So that IS the point!

Before that we had awful christmases with extended family that always featured anger (my aunt), tears(aunt), tantrums (aunt again) and occasionally a fist fight (uncle). Dad put his foot down and said 'from now on I shall only attend funerals'.

It sounds to me like you don't really want to cancel Christmas, you just want a hassle free day for once. I think it's fair enough to say you aren't doing presents this year and you aren't travelling, but I think you could still put up a tree and just try and have a nice time at home watching Christmas TV etc.

Well, it's one way to ensure the year is made even worse than it already is! But if you enjoy revelling in your own misery, go ahead!

@FallingOffTheBed lol. I like your dad's style!

I grew up doing Christmas over 3 days. 1 day only us, day 2 one side of the family and day 3 the second side. We were all withing 2 hours drive so wasn't bad. Only non-negotiable thing was to ensure that no one was alone on Christmas Eve (main event for us).

Nowadays we spend days chilling and cooking, playing board games and drinking.😁 Only stressful thing are plane ticket costs!

One year my Mum asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I asked for an extra day or 2. I was working full time and expected to do 3 Christmas dinners ( my parents and 2 at my MIL's because my DH brother and sister don't get on). Presents for everyone and dashing back and forth between all the houses - we don't live in the same city as mil. My mum bought me, dh and 2 x kids a holiday - flying out on Christmas Eve and returning on NYE. It has been my Christmas present from her every year since.

Weirdly I feel more inclined to have a "proper" Christmas this year - mainly because DD is off to uni and my Mil and my M&D are not getting any younger. Also I suspect that we won't be out of the quarantine rules either.... It will be a pared down version focusing on time spent with family & friends rather than out blinging them with decorations, presents or splashes of truffle oil and edible gold.

@ludothedog

I would've thought that a shit year is all the more reason to have a christmas celebration. It doesn't have to be expensive ...

When time are dark time to look for a silver lining

This! I’m not such a lover of Christmas since my kids grew up, but this year having lost my dad to covid I’m doing everything I can to make Christmas something to look forward to-it’s about the only thing that can’t be cancelled or quarantined!

That is a brilliant present Unescorted

I'd much happier live in an eternal spring with lengthening nights where I can get out after dinner for a walk in the light. I don't like hot chocolate, snuggling under a blanket is my idea of hell and all the plastic tat in the shops is so depressing. It really is a total chore and everyone is totally focused on it through the autumn. There's no deep-seated trauma or loss, I just would much rather be doing other things and think that Christmas is totally overblown, over the top and a waste of time and effort.

But we don't! We have winters - long, dark, gloomy, rainy winters. Christmas doesn't have to be turkey and excess. Just because shops sell shite does not mean anyone has to buy it! No-one is forced under a blanket or to drink hot chocolate. It is one of the few times a year the western world stops. Christmas can be whatever you want it to be or that is meaningful to you.

I wish I had your courage, OP.

I would love to do the same.

It's the beginning of September. Making declarations about "cancelling" a day in December now is incredibly dramatic and attention seeking.

Just respond to any enquiries about Christmas plans or invitations by saying that you've decided to have a quiet one this year and don't have the budget to join in with presents so would feel better not receiving any, better for the environment anyway etc.

That's the low key way to do it. Dramatic announcements about "cancelling" a cultural/ religious festival are completely unnecessary, as is planning in early September exactly what decoration you will or will not put up and making a big deal about it.

As you don't have children you can do as you like on 25th December and your DH can join you or go to relatives, as he prefers.

Isn’t that just the epitome of cutting your nose off to spite your face? You don’t enjoy it or want to celebrate then that’s fine. But I don’t think you can dictate to anyone else in the household how they spend Christmas. You want to sit about and be miserable then go ahead. But don’t pull everyone else down with you

FallingOffTheBed it is the best present ever. Especially as DH & the kids have to choose it - no mental load at all. I just have to pack some clothes, sketchbook and passport (and even then I sometimes delegate).

@amms36

I am not trying to be a dictator. I am trying to have a conversation about how I'm feeling regarding Christmas. As I have said, DH thinks it is extreme which is why I am seeking other opinions.

I could consider just having a very informal day with some inexpensive but more special food.I just don't feel in the mood to be going to a huge level of stress for what is, essentially, one day out of 365.

I also don't want to be pressured into feeling like I need to travel to family members, put up elaborate decorations etc, when I don't feel like I am in the mood for it this year. I'd rather be honest about that than pretend and be miserable anyway.

Do that then love

Pop a tree up, reduce the other decorations, have a nice dinner be it roast, curry or beans on toast and chill with your partner watching crap movies (christmas or otherwise)

Do it! Have the day you want, and breathe a sigh of relief.

I felt similar OP and discussed this with DH. However he made a valid point. We are going to celebrate survival. If our family makes it to the end of the year completely intact ( and I have a few close family members with health issues), then that will be our cause for celebration. 2020 has been a shitshow for everyone so we will be celebrating the end of it. Won't be lavish, probably won't do our Boxing day buffet with 20 people invited, but we will do what we can to celebrate no matter how scaled down.
And huge hugs to anyone who has lost anyone

I feel the same OP
Sorry I haven’t read the he whole thread.

I’m not too bothered about Christmas this year, it’s been a awful year, been stuck at home for 5+ months, the joy of Christmas shopping has gone due to covid, most Christmas markets and events have been cancelled. I’m not sure I can be bothered with putting up a tree and doing the whole present buying thing.

I have 2 teens, one isn’t really bothered about Christmas, the other has ASD and likes opening gifts. We will be keeping things dry low key, probably a couple gifts but won’t be bothering much buying for others (something homemade maybe, or cash). I can’t really get into Christmas when I’m still sad about the summer we never really had.

We are probably having a weird Christmas this year

Last year it was me, dh, dad, ds1 and boyfriend, dd and ds2

This year my dad, ds1 and boyfriend won’t be here

Dd is probably working

Ds2 idea of a fab Christmas is playing computer games

I think we’ll ‘do Christmas’ the week before or after

I certainly agree that you should not be put under pressure with gift buying and visiting/visitors.

Can you not make it a special day for you and your husband seeing as he is not as keen as you are to cancel everything?

Tell him that if he wants decorations he can put them up. Tell your family that because of the financial implications of Covid you are not buying gifts/entertaining or travelling then spend the time off with your husband and whatever treats/special food you can buy.

@amms36

I am not trying to be a dictator. I am trying to have a conversation about how I'm feeling regarding Christmas. As I have said, DH thinks it is extreme which is why I am seeking other opinions.

I could consider just having a very informal day with some inexpensive but more special food.I just don't feel in the mood to be going to a huge level of stress for what is, essentially, one day out of 365.

I also don't want to be pressured into feeling like I need to travel to family members, put up elaborate decorations etc, when I don't feel like I am in the mood for it this year. I'd rather be honest about that than pretend and be miserable anyway.

I remember one Christmas I didn't actually cancel the whole thing but I had lost my mother and didn't want a 'reminder'.

We did the presents but ordered in an Indian instead of having all the worry of cooking and being reminded it was Christmas Day - it was really nice actually.

Whatever restrictions are imposed they won't include not having a tree.

Hope your DH and extended family can enjoy Christmas and have fun. I would definitely not be cancelling Christmas after a crap year, quite the opposite.

Why not have a discussion with your husband about what kind of things you love, just do what you both love on that day instead? Eat lovely food, go somewhere nice, binge on Doritos?

Once year I had to stay by myself on Boxing Day, I binge watched horror movies on Netflix and got takeaway and honestly it was the best boxing Day I have ever had. Two things I rarely get to do, it was such a treat!

Drama llama but up to you really, personally I'll be ramping it up

Of course your DH thinks yabu ... you do all the work for Christmas every year!

Tell him you'll be happy to celebrate Christmas with him at home since he clearly thinks yabu ... provided he does all the planning, cooking, cleaning ... don't let him dump the responsibility on another household and force you to try to celebrate in another household. He puts in the effort at home.