Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think be kind has been left behind

121 replies

Bekindnotabully · 04/09/2020 10:15

Earlier in the year the country seemed to be going through a revolution where people were saying no more to bitchy gossipy behaviour. Salons were banning celeb magazines in place of home and style magazine to leave the toxic things in the past.

However does anyone else think this is being all left behind now? Mumsnet has had to delete two vile threads this week on Susie from styled by Susie and jack monroe because they were so nasty and bitchy, the sewer rat kind of stuff you usually get on tattle life.

While I applaude Mumsnet for listening to those of us that emailed to complain and zapping threads and banning people. But this attitude seems to be spreading more and more. Why is be kind being forgotten? The world would be a much better place if we lifted women up rather than tried to tear them down.

OP posts:
MaskingForIt · 04/09/2020 10:23

“Be kind” never existed. It just just a social media hashtag overused by people who were racist, bigoted and judgemental, but didn’t like it when one of their own was targeted.

CitizenFame · 04/09/2020 10:27

I'm not sure who Suzie is but Jack Monroe embodies the whole #BeKind culture in which she's perfectly happy to be aggressive and nasty to people on Twitter herself but then hides behind the hashtag whenever she gets called out on it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/09/2020 10:28

As pp said. "Be kind" was just a social media thing🤷🏻
Also, people should remember that they reap what they sow... Moaning about be kind while the person is being anything but is exactly what made "be kind" into an absolute bs.

waxofffff · 04/09/2020 10:33

Be Kind is bull crap because the concept means be kind to all. So should we all be kind about Trump? As other posters have said they ones who preach this message have no issues with being unkind to others.

People (men & women) bitch & moan, just get over it.

Krazynights34 · 04/09/2020 10:37

Be Kind is patronising twaddle.
I’m sure “celebrities” are aware that they will be commented on extensively and in fact probably sought fame in part for that reason (people are odd as well as bitchy!)
How about actually being kind... go volunteer at a homeless shelter etc. Internet commenting one way or another is neither here nor there.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 04/09/2020 10:44

Be kind is claptrap usually designed to shut people up. Oh, I don't like what you say so you're not being kind, waaaa. Used to be if you didn't like it you just moved on.

ThomasHardyPerennial · 04/09/2020 10:51

I don't think it really meant much earlier in the year, or certainly not to a significant part of society . I thought magazines in salons were removed because of covid?

GlummyMcGlummerson · 04/09/2020 10:53

It got left behind the moment that we were encouraged to snoop on our neighbours. 2020 has been the busybody's time to shine.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 04/09/2020 10:53

@MaskingForIt

“Be kind” never existed. It just just a social media hashtag overused by people who were racist, bigoted and judgemental, but didn’t like it when one of their own was targeted.
This has 100% hit the nail on the head
OrigamiOwl · 04/09/2020 10:53

"be kind" is used to silence women.

imissthesouth · 04/09/2020 10:54

Be kind never happened except on social media. Unfortunately it gets worse and worse. Since I moved here a few years ago i've never seen such awful hatred and acts of selfishness.

imissthesouth · 04/09/2020 10:54

@OrigamiOwl
Please explain? Most the time I see this hashtag being used it's from women and teenage girls? I certainly don't feel silenced by it

JulesCobb · 04/09/2020 10:56

Because be kind is usually aimed at women and might as well say be quiet.

If you want kindness, model it. If you spend your time criticising how other people act, that's not exactly kind either.

vapeinafleshlight · 04/09/2020 11:02

Take it you're a man?

dayswithaY · 04/09/2020 11:03

Be kind was a knee-jerk reaction to Caroline Flack's suicide. All it did was give a platform to idiotic celebs and allowed Boohoo to make some money out of "Bee Kind" t-shirts. There was never any substance to it because the sad truth is most people are selfish and self absorbed - they are not kind. It reached peak silliness when Leigh Francis aka Keith Lemon was on Instagram saying "Be Kind". A man who has made a career out of being bitchy, cruel, and humiliating women on his stupid show decided to tell the rest of us about kindness.

imissthesouth · 04/09/2020 11:05

No i'm a women actually. Whenever i've been torn down more often than not it's other women. Not men. Not all women are allies.

imissthesouth · 04/09/2020 11:06

Agree with @dayswithaY
It's a social media/money making campaign. Most people were never kind in the first place

nevernotstruggling · 04/09/2020 11:07

It's an oxymoron

vapeinafleshlight · 04/09/2020 11:07

@imissthesouth NC fail?

Also, you've missed my point but I've got to go out. Check out the feminism boards maybe.

OrigamiOwl · 04/09/2020 11:09

@imissthesouth "be kind" seems to be thrown around as soon as a women expressed an opinion that doesn't fit with the masses.
I'm not excusing internet bullying, that's not acceptable in any form. But "be kind", although a noble idea is now being twisted.
I've noticed, certainly on my social media, that "be kind" was mainly used by women who are often most guilty of not "being kind" previously.

I've seen it on Mumsnet with things like a friend or neighbour is being a complete CF for whatever reason, the poster asks if they AIBU to say no... And they get howls of "be kind" as you don't know what the other person is going through... But why does that give them the right to completely take advantage of the poster?

It's now a tool used to put outspoken women back in their boxes and be quiet.

imissthesouth · 04/09/2020 11:11

No NC fail, I don't see the point in hiding my opinions. I do now see how it is used to silence women. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my views.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2020 11:14

It was a meaningless hash tag, not a law. “Be kind” “be nice” all the same mealy mouthed bullshit trotted out by people who want to dish it out but can’t take it and think it shuts down debate.

“Be kind or you’ll be cancelled” seems to be one of the phrases of the year. See also “I’m offended therefore you’re wrong”. Tiresome twaddle. If you’re not adult enough to handle frank discussion then just slope off and don’t bother.

aSofaNearYou · 04/09/2020 11:16

I find this subject really interesting. The narrative moved so quickly from this sentiment being viewed as positive, to being viewed as something people use to justify saying unacceptable things without consequence. I can certainly see that being the case but at the same time I find online culture in recent years increasingly dystopian, and don't understand how anyone can claim we don't have a problem with people being excessively harsh and unforgiving online, and not thinking about the accumulative effect that can have when there are thousands of voices shouting out at once. I think it's a shame that that part of the Be Kind movement is being overshadowed.

vapeinafleshlight · 04/09/2020 11:17

"No NC fail, I don't see the point in hiding my opinions. I do now see how it is used to silence women. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my views."

Nothing offensive in what you said. It's important to educate people and I wish more could see past this harmful use of terminology and hashtags

DeeTractor · 04/09/2020 11:18

"Be kind" = "do not say things that I do not like"