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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think be kind has been left behind

121 replies

Bekindnotabully · 04/09/2020 10:15

Earlier in the year the country seemed to be going through a revolution where people were saying no more to bitchy gossipy behaviour. Salons were banning celeb magazines in place of home and style magazine to leave the toxic things in the past.

However does anyone else think this is being all left behind now? Mumsnet has had to delete two vile threads this week on Susie from styled by Susie and jack monroe because they were so nasty and bitchy, the sewer rat kind of stuff you usually get on tattle life.

While I applaude Mumsnet for listening to those of us that emailed to complain and zapping threads and banning people. But this attitude seems to be spreading more and more. Why is be kind being forgotten? The world would be a much better place if we lifted women up rather than tried to tear them down.

OP posts:
sst1234 · 04/09/2020 18:15

Calling out stupidity is not unkind. More people
should do it.

redcarbluecar · 04/09/2020 18:17

"Be kind" was never a thing in the first place. Truly kind people don't show off about it.

NiceGerbil · 04/09/2020 18:22

The people who have been least kind to me in my life have been men.

Why are only women exhorted to 'be kind'.

Sexist, unthinking nonsense which only resulted in women being told off.

OrigamiOwl · 04/09/2020 18:27

@Bekindnotabully

This is very grim that so many of you don't agree with something as simple as be kind to each other.
But majority of people do believe in being kind to each other and doing good things. But #BeKind is mainly used as either as virtue signaling or thrown at women when they are (rightfully) questioning someone else's behaviour.
OrigamiOwl · 04/09/2020 18:30

@NiceGerbil

The people who have been least kind to me in my life have been men.

Why are only women exhorted to 'be kind'.

Sexist, unthinking nonsense which only resulted in women being told off.

I agree with this. Men aren't told they need to #BeKind. Some men have got involved in the hashtag, but "Be Kind" is still mainly leveled at women. As someone pointed about above, Leigh Francis, who as Keith Lemon, had made a career would of "not being kind" to people (mainly women), but had now jumped on the #BeKind bandwagon.
Emeeno1 · 04/09/2020 18:38

Mumsnet posters appear to like doing a lot of the 'looking at the speck in someone else's eye' but much less of the 'considering the plank in their own eye.'

KeepingPlain · 04/09/2020 18:40

Aw that's nice that you thought people could remember to be nice to people. Naive, but nice.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 04/09/2020 18:43

@MaskingForIt

“Be kind” never existed. It just just a social media hashtag overused by people who were racist, bigoted and judgemental, but didn’t like it when one of their own was targeted.
Yeah

Sad but true

ALongHardWinter · 04/09/2020 18:47

In my experience,'Be kind' was only said when by someone when another person expressed an opinion that they didn't agree with.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 04/09/2020 18:50

@talismankeeper

The genuinely kind people I know didn't need a hash tag to make them so. Those who jumped on the #bekind bandwagon were easily going to fall straight off and go back to nasty and spiteful behaviour. Unfortunately.
This as well

What i loathed was the immediate ‘ be kind didnt last’ comments the second someone said something less than gushing

I am usually kind...not being told to be kind by a bloody hashtag

MoonBaby1 · 04/09/2020 18:59

So obviously aimed at women.
Don’t think for yourself
Don’t critique
Don’t look bitter

Smile hun and the world will smile with you Hmm

Also everything Wolfie said. Nice to see you on here again @Wolfiefan. You’re an OG now Grin

LadyofTheManners · 04/09/2020 19:00

I was saying similar to a friend.

I had hoped that people would be kinder after an extended period of isolation, or semi isolation with a family unit. Personally, I'm enjoying being around friends more than ever, and everything that we claw back is a freedom I no longer just take for granted.
But sadly I think if anything people are more rude and ignorant and selfish. They don't seem to care about anyone around them.

I actually saw a woman, with two young children, in my local supermarket. She had a mask on, as per the rules. But the front of it said "F*k off C*t, Get back from me". I literally couldn't believe a woman, a mother, had thought walking round a supermarket with that on was OK. Staff in the store said not a word to her either.
People seem to not care about distancing either of they're wearing a mask, when I asked a woman to step back a bit as she was so close it made me uncomfortable, her arm actually hit me as she put stuff on the belt ready to be scanned and the assistant hadn't started doing mine yet so I couldn't move forward. So I said, really politely, would you mind just stepping back a bit, I think we are supposed to wait to be called over (I didn't think, I knew but wanted to diffuse the situation), and without a second thought she told me to f off and get a life.

It's awful.
I know it's nothing new, people are rude sometimes and there's nothing you can do, but even people driving seem to drive like crazy people here, in and out of oncoming traffic, round bends on the wrong side of the road, beeping and swearing. I was so looking forward to going out and being able to shop in relative peace but certainly where I live it's not that at all.

MitziK · 04/09/2020 19:22

#BeKind means 'Put MEEEEEE first because I'm fragile and special. Fuck everybody else'.

sst1234 · 04/09/2020 19:34

I am surprised that people are naive enough to be taken in by this social media nonesense sponosored by celebrities. Causes and hashtags are income generators for these people, they are not selflessly devoted to public good. Now don’t go out of your way to be unkind, but don’t think that repeating this nonsense makes you virtuous.

heartsonacake · 04/09/2020 19:47

Be Kind is just a load of bullshit designed to shut people up when they’re saying things they don’t want to hear.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/09/2020 19:47

"Be kind" is like "the sisterhood". It only appears when woman needs to be put back in line...

Reader1984 · 04/09/2020 19:48

I wish our world could be more kind Sad

ilikebooksandplants · 04/09/2020 19:52

Tattle life is brilliant, by the way. The posters on there are truly kind to each other, while calling out some pretty awful behaviour by celebrities. They’re also pretty funny.

daisychain01 · 04/09/2020 20:06

@Bekindnotabully

Earlier in the year the country seemed to be going through a revolution where people were saying no more to bitchy gossipy behaviour. Salons were banning celeb magazines in place of home and style magazine to leave the toxic things in the past.

However does anyone else think this is being all left behind now? Mumsnet has had to delete two vile threads this week on Susie from styled by Susie and jack monroe because they were so nasty and bitchy, the sewer rat kind of stuff you usually get on tattle life.

While I applaude Mumsnet for listening to those of us that emailed to complain and zapping threads and banning people. But this attitude seems to be spreading more and more. Why is be kind being forgotten? The world would be a much better place if we lifted women up rather than tried to tear them down.

Thank you for this thought @Bekindnotabully I agree 100% - posters on MN don't always appreciate there are people on here with fragile MH at the moment, before they post their damaging, spiteful cutting remarks Which may seem insignificant to them, and make them feel clever and maybe a bit powerful, but they sure as hell make the recipient feel shitty.

I don't think MN has culturally ever adopted a #bekind attitude, it's not as fun as making someone feel small.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/09/2020 20:23

I don't think MN has culturally ever adopted a #bekind attitude, it's not as fun as making someone feel small.

Tbh I don't think anyone bar social media celebs and t-shirt makers did. Because that's the only thing the # was good for. As pps said, most people are kind, but not when someone is a dickhead and most importantly, there is no need to shout about it if you are kind.

It's not crossfit so you would have to tell everyoneGrin
( I am only joking here! I like my crossfit friendGrin )

waxofffff · 04/09/2020 20:35

I think some posters are confused. Just because I think #bekind is stupid doesn't mean I don't appreciate kindness & see the value in it & often practice it.

As others have said the #bekind is more of a let me act like a dick but don't be mean & call me a dick.

WhitePumpkin · 04/09/2020 22:10

Judging from some of the replies on here OP I think you've got your answer!

Original poster
Bekindnotabully · 06/09/2020 20:13

@ilikebooksandplants

Tattle life is brilliant, by the way. The posters on there are truly kind to each other, while calling out some pretty awful behaviour by celebrities. They’re also pretty funny.
Brilliant because a gang of Billy's enjoy picking apart a targets life??
OP posts:
Cocomarine · 06/09/2020 20:26

I’m Hmm when I see people say, “what happened to #bekind”, like it was some kind of pledge that everyone signed up to.

I do think it’s best to be kind as often as you can, where it’s merited.

But that doesn’t mean I want a trending hashtag thrown at me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m on a couple of forums, and without fail the ones who were buying #bekind merchandise were the ones who were generally most likely to be snide.

Plenty of people always tried to be kind - and so found it #patronising

AvonCallingBarksdale · 06/09/2020 20:30

One of the meanest, bitchiest people I know is a great exponent of #bekind and that pretty much sums it up for me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread