To think be kind has been left behind

[Bekindnotabully]

Earlier in the year the country seemed to be going through a revolution where people were saying no more to bitchy gossipy behaviour. Salons were banning celeb magazines in place of home and style magazine to leave the toxic things in the past.

However does anyone else think this is being all left behind now? Mumsnet has had to delete two vile threads this week on Susie from styled by Susie and jack monroe because they were so nasty and bitchy, the sewer rat kind of stuff you usually get on tattle life.

While I applaude Mumsnet for listening to those of us that emailed to complain and zapping threads and banning people. But this attitude seems to be spreading more and more. Why is be kind being forgotten? The world would be a much better place if we lifted women up rather than tried to tear them down.

@VettiyaIruken

"bekind" quickly became "women- shut up."

How many men got hashtag BeKind chucked at them?
I haven't seen one. Not a single one. Not on here, not on FB, not on Reddit. Nowhere.
Ive only ever seen it used to try to make women be really 'nice' aka never critical in any way or offering an opinion that isn't whatever you say is right is right hunny. No matter what someone says, woman you must Be Kind.

Well fuck that. Sometimes someone needs challenging and not mindless hunning. Being 'kind' (the way this be kind nonsense is meant, not actual real kindness) is not what women should prioritise.

Agreed A more useful # is there is always pain in the room

If I wasn't a mumsnetter I wouldn't have known Be Kind existed other than as a slogan on T-shirts at Peacocks.

Did I sign a contract somewhere without realising?

I think #BeKind is quite harmful actually. Expecting people to blindly “be kind” is a dangerous message, especially for young girls. Nobody should HAVE to be kind to everyone - it’s okay to have boundaries and not tolerate certain things.

@waxofffff

I think some posters are confused. Just because I think #bekind is stupid doesn't mean I don't appreciate kindness & see the value in it & often practice it.

As others have said the #bekind is more of a let me act like a dick but don't be mean & call me a dick.

Same. I am not in the habit of behaving like an arsehole. I do try to be kind and respectful. But I don't need a hashtag to do it. Being kind is something all people should aspire to, it shouldn't be some dipshit trend. And nor should it involve allowing people to behave badly and get away with it.

Today 07:24 Bekindnotabully

AvonCallingBarksdale
One of the meanest, bitchiest people I know is a great exponent of #bekind and that pretty much sums it up for me.
That's like saying Jimmy savile did charity work so all people that do charity work are bad!*

@Bekindnotabully no it’s not! I mean #bekind is a convenient mask to hide behind. You can be as mean as you like as long as you hashtag some trite saying. How about just, you know, people behaving in a compassionate way without having to make sure everyone knows that they’re #beingkind

Aargh bold fail.

Today 07:24 Bekindnotabully

AvonCallingBarksdale
One of the meanest, bitchiest people I know is a great exponent of #bekind and that pretty much sums it up for me.

That's like saying Jimmy savile did charity work so all people that do charity work are bad

Good for you. I prefer not to be kind to people who think women are nothing more like fuck holes or servants. I don't see the need to abuse anyone. Criticism is fine. Twitter abuse or trolling not so much.
Be kind as a hash tag though just puts people's backs up.

You seem to have a very unhealthy obsession with susie!?

You created another thread about this and people asked you to provide evidence of the so called horrible stuff that has been said and you couldn’t provide that.

no one is trolling or being horrible, they critique and discuss as BUSINESS or the the way a person has conducted business. From what I have gathered susie is quick to be rude towards her clients who have wanted answers so she shouldnt expect anything less in return, esp if she just blocks people. People will find a way to vent their frustrations

Why do these threads keeping popping up about being nice to this ‘Styled By Susie’ business?

It’s a business. It’s about making money from people. It has nothing to do with kindness.

OP between this and you're other thread you're doing yourself and Susie (potentially one and the same) no favours.

It's clear you seem to believe #BeKind is a free pass for anyone in the public eye to avoid criticism.

In the case of the two people you have mentioned:

Susie - most of the negativity relates to the quality of the service provided, specifically the "over priced" "bespoke" styling service which is allegedly anything but (rather a generic style guide pdf), plus her response to that criticism which rather than to address it and take reasonable action she allegedly chooses to block customers who complain or respond rudely.

As for criticism of her personal style - well if you put yourself out there as a stylist then people critiquing your dress sense comes with the territory. It's not about being kind/unkind, potential customers and the wider public have a right to have a view on what you are selling.

Jack - if I posted that I didn't like XYZ recipe by them it's not unkind to say so. Yet again Jack is selling a product that people are well within their rights to discuss its quality.

Further to that Jack has used the public platform they created due to their recipe books to air very strong political opinions.

There's nothing wrong with that in and of itself, but if you are happy (as Jack is) to throw multiple aggressive salvos at people with differing political viewpoints then it's hypocritical to suggest those who lob opposing views back with equal vigour are being unkind.

I'm not suggesting that some of what is written about these women has on occasion not been unkind - certainly comments about physical attributes are both mean and unnecessary and I absolutely condemn those types of remarks.

However, the fact of the matter remains that whatever the intention of #BeKind it seems to have morphed into a meaningless virtue signalling hashtag largely utilised by people who could do with being kinder themselves or used as a tool to prevent fair and reasonable discourse about people who've put themselves in the public eye and feel aggrieved by any less than affirmative interaction.

From what I gather from reading these threads, this 'susie' is in fact running a business.
In which case, she needs to learn how to be professional. You simply cannot get huffy when customers are dissatisfied. You can't take it as a personal insult. You certainly can't lash out at them, block them, slag them off and so on.

You have got to take your personal feelings out of the equation. A few times over the years I've had an unhappy customer. Sometimes my fault, sometimes theirs. In all cases I've apologised and fixed the issue.
It grates when the issue is they didn't read the bloody description 😂 but it comes with the territory. You have to suck it up and put it right. You simply cannot start boohooing about meanies and bullies.

Be Kind was a hashtag for that weekend when Caroline Flack's death was announced.

People (especially women!) who use Be Kind seem to see it as a "kind" way to say shut up which is rarely unacceptable.

People have every right to moan about substandard service and your repeated posts about Susie is doing her harm. If her critics are unfair she has every right to stand up for her service and explain it takes x hours of research or whatever. Having people like you act like this makes her seem unprofessional and child like (this is not a playground)

You have every right to like Susie. Other people have every right to dislike her.

Because 'be kind' is almost always an admonition directed toward women, much like the worst attribute a woman can possibly possess is selfishness. (Failing that, insert pejorative aimed toward policing women's sexual behaviour).

'Be kind' in many instances is an invitation to be walked over, to put your own needs to one side in order to indulge those of others or, in some cases, to cede over your dignity, safety or legal rights. It's a crock.

I will be kind when the situation calls for it.

"Be kind" was just a euphemism for "shut the feck up and toe the line"

If you mean Katie Hopkins, she wasn't just disagreeing with Monroe, she was actively lying about her and harassing her on Twitter.

@harderthanitlooks

OP are you Susie or is she paying you to keep banging this drum. Nevermind #bekind maybe you should try #stayinyourlane I'm failing to understand why you keep stirring this up. Build a bridge and get over it!

Or indeed under it Isn’t this a TAAT?

OP you clearly do not like mumsnet or tattle life. Perhaps try twitter?

Teachers have Ofsted.
Accountants are audited.
Chefs have food critics (and trip advisor).
Influencers have the comments section of the Daily Mail.

I've been shocked at the vitriol towards Jack Monroe. People might not like the fact that she stands up for people who are struggling, but the bitching that they then unleash is hideous. Genuinely a "if you don't have something nice to say"...

Eekthreek has nailed it basically. Being kind isn’t just telling people want they want to hear although that does seem to be what #bekind is about.

I’m rarely nice but I do try to be kind.

It’s this kind of lazy thinking that means we can’t debate anything without being called mean.

Be kind was a load on nonsense. The same people that pushed it were the first to attack anyone that might have a different opinion to them. So it became 'be kind' but only to people that think the same way as you.

You have to be strong enough to respect other people's opinions for it to be anything other than shallow and pointless.

#bekind usually means "shut the fuck up if you disagree". Seems to me it has nothing to do with genuine kindness and empathy.