To think be kind has been left behind

[Bekindnotabully]

Earlier in the year the country seemed to be going through a revolution where people were saying no more to bitchy gossipy behaviour. Salons were banning celeb magazines in place of home and style magazine to leave the toxic things in the past.

However does anyone else think this is being all left behind now? Mumsnet has had to delete two vile threads this week on Susie from styled by Susie and jack monroe because they were so nasty and bitchy, the sewer rat kind of stuff you usually get on tattle life.

While I applaude Mumsnet for listening to those of us that emailed to complain and zapping threads and banning people. But this attitude seems to be spreading more and more. Why is be kind being forgotten? The world would be a much better place if we lifted women up rather than tried to tear them down.

People have managed to be kind to each other before it was ever made into a hashtag.
#BeKind did not make people act kinder. Most of what it ever was was a tool for people who didn't want to face criticism for their actions and, instead of taking the more obvious route of not posting every little inane thing about themselves online, found a legitimate sounding way of telling people (usually women) to shut up.

@AvonCallingBarksdale

One of the meanest, bitchiest people I know is a great exponent of #bekind and that pretty much sums it up for me.

That's like saying Jimmy savile did charity work so all people that do charity work are bad!

Why are you saying bad things about jimmy saville?

#bekind op

OP why do you continue to bang this drum without listening to any counter arguement. Especially in relation to Styled By Susie which you seem to be running some kind of publicity campaign for.

People cannot shout #bekind to everyone and then cry bully/troll/evil when they are exposed as being not so kind themselves...

“Brilliant because a gang of Billy's enjoy picking apart a targets life??“

You sound so lovely and kind! 😂

Can’t bear “Be Kind”. It’s just a way to wriggle out of bad behaviour.

I’d much rather be accountable for the things you say and do.

Most people are kind most of the time.

Maybe you need to change your environment if you are seeing more cruelty than kindness in yours.

As previous posters have said #bekind is just a way of shutting women down and for people who don’t like criticism to (try to stop) others criticising them.

As you seem so keen to bring up susie constantly can you explain why she thought it was ok to use the term “slutty skirt”(or “slutty length” with regards to her short skirt)? Personally I find the word “slut” very offensive, it’s derogatory towards women, and goes completely against #bekind.

Not only that but when women complained she laughed and the next time she used the term again she joked about people getting offended.

What is kinder in this situation:

My friend is making an ass of himself online and it's affecting his mental health.

If I "be kind" and don't say anything I'm complicit in his behaviour and allowing him to keep attracting negative attention, thereby contributing to others being 'unkind' and continuing his spiralling depression and anxiety.

If I tell him some difficult truths, I'm being 'unkind' but I'm saving him from the online comments and protecting his mental health.

So which one, as a friend, is more unkind op? Because honestly, sometimes we need to tell people things they don't want to here, even if it's the right thing to do. I think it's being very kind to allow people to keep hurting themselves with their own behaviour.

Agree with @ilikebooksandplants re. Tattle in these conversations - thought it would be an absolute bullying cesspit but on most boards it’s really intelligent discussion about the social contract between media stars of all types and the general public, how they can use us to make money/get support with any number of lies, hypocrisy, and exploitation, but followers are never allowed to comment anything that isn’t “Yes, we love you, #bekind!”. It’s mostly very informative, thoughtful, revealing and enlightening, and goes even deeper into why that’s such a harmful hashtag for culture, politics and consumerism at the moment.

FFS I can't type 🙄

*Hear

*Don't think

OP are you Susie or is she paying you to keep banging this drum. Nevermind #bekind maybe you should try #stayinyourlane I'm failing to understand why you keep stirring this up. Build a bridge and get over it!

The be kind hashtag made it very easy for some judgemental people to wag their finger at others but did nothing to encourage self improvement or self reflection.

I never really liked 'be kind' anyway. Be polite, be respectful, treat people well, but the constant 'be kind' mantra when you're having a debate is mind-numbing.

People shouldn't be purposefully nasty or abusive but people shouldn't have to pander to people's feelings all the time.

Maybe that makes me Unkind, but I've never been known for being rude.

Also didn't you post about this Susie person yesterday too? Are you Susie? I haven't seen the threads and don't really know what it's about tbh.

It was a load of virtue signalling horseshit. People cared about not being awful on social media for a week or so and then it was business as usual.

Sorry for being such a giant cynic. I just find it all a bit hypocritical really.

@CorianderLord

Also didn't you post about this Susie person yesterday too? Are you Susie? I haven't seen the threads and don't really know what it's about tbh.

Yes, it's the same person.

@PhilSwagielka I'd be questioning this persons agenda then. Marketing, the woman herself?

Who knows? I only found out who this Susie person was yesterday, tbh. Is she like Mrs Hinch and gets lots of threads about her on here? I know someone said she rips people off.

Be kind is trite.

Be empathetic, actively help people even if it's stressful or time consuming for you, refuse to get drawn into gossip, one upmanship or the race to the bottom.

Kindness is one tiny facet of making the world better, and the least important in many ways as it's so passive (and hence so easy).

"bekind" quickly became "women- shut up."

How many men got hashtag BeKind chucked at them?
I haven't seen one. Not a single one. Not on here, not on FB, not on Reddit. Nowhere.
Ive only ever seen it used to try to make women be really 'nice' aka never critical in any way or offering an opinion that isn't whatever you say is right is right hunny. No matter what someone says, woman you must Be Kind.

Well fuck that. Sometimes someone needs challenging and not mindless hunning. Being 'kind' (the way this be kind nonsense is meant, not actual real kindness) is not what women should prioritise.

Shall we 'lift up' (another trite wanky phrase) and be kind to Karen Matthews, Rose West and Tracey Connelly, OP? They fit your criteria of women and mothers.

You are not being kind either OP as you are deliberately ignoring other posters valid comments and questions to you.

People are entitled to have an opposing view and voice it, people are entitled to criticise and question the actions and views of others, saying 'be kind' and don't do the above is doing no more or less than telling people to shut up, don't question, don't criticise, don't have an opinion, very controlling and authoritarian.

"Be kind" was never a thing in the first place. Truly kind people don't show off about it.

This^^ The only people I saw sharing the be kind thing were people that are generally very unkind. That said I don't think you're unreasonable to want it to have stuck around and actually worked, the world needs more kindness.

so do you think we should all be kind to Trump? I do actually.

Good for you. I prefer not to be kind to people who think women are nothing more like fuck holes or servants.