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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think be kind has been left behind

121 replies

Bekindnotabully · 04/09/2020 10:15

Earlier in the year the country seemed to be going through a revolution where people were saying no more to bitchy gossipy behaviour. Salons were banning celeb magazines in place of home and style magazine to leave the toxic things in the past.

However does anyone else think this is being all left behind now? Mumsnet has had to delete two vile threads this week on Susie from styled by Susie and jack monroe because they were so nasty and bitchy, the sewer rat kind of stuff you usually get on tattle life.

While I applaude Mumsnet for listening to those of us that emailed to complain and zapping threads and banning people. But this attitude seems to be spreading more and more. Why is be kind being forgotten? The world would be a much better place if we lifted women up rather than tried to tear them down.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 04/09/2020 11:20

"Be kind" is patronizing nonsense, as is "lift other women up, don't tear them down." Nobody is immune from criticism just because they are women. If someone acts like a twat then they should be called out on it. I include myself in that. People are just using "be kind" as another way of saying "do not criticise me ever."

wildcherries · 04/09/2020 11:21

Tiresome twaddle is my favourite way to describe it. It was always just a hashtag on social media.

cannotchange · 04/09/2020 11:23

If you are a normal human being you intrinsically know that you should as much as you can be kind to others - that's why we all have a conscience.

We don't need to be told this - it is just virtue signalling and used as others have said used as way of shutting people down when they call someone up on their shady behaviour eg. Shady advertising on Instagram and influencers selling their children and violating their privacy

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2020 11:25

Have you reported us for not being kind enough OP?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 04/09/2020 11:31

I'm certainly mostly kind in my every day life. I don't try to be bitchy or mean. I think most decent people are pretty kind.

So being kind hasn't been left behind, but thank fuck #bekind has!

OrigamiOwl · 04/09/2020 11:37

@DeeTractor

"Be kind" = "do not say things that I do not like"
Definitely this!
AlternativePerspective · 04/09/2020 11:38

Be kind was just a virtue signalling hashtag.

And tbh people went into hysterical overdrive after Caroline Flack committed suicide, why I actually have no idea.

It is tragic whenever anyone feels they have no other choice but to end their own life, but equally it’s possible to separate the act from the individual. I’m sure the people spouting #beKind were the same people who judged Caroline Flack on social media for the accusations which had been made against her. Those accusations didn’t suddenly become null and void just because she ended her life. To suggest that everything previous should be forgotten because of it is sheer hypocrisy.

tectonicplates · 04/09/2020 11:46

I've noticed, certainly on my social media, that "be kind" was mainly used by women who are often most guilty of not "being kind" previously.

Basically yeah. They were probably kind for about five minutes and then forgot about it.

The one good thing about it was that she hairdressers stopped buying celebrity magazines, which suits me just fine as they're frankly trash and have absolutely changed the way people speak about each other. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-51564975

In the past there was just Hello magazine and that was it, but now there are hundreds of these things. They have an effect on people's behaviour.

Calic0 · 04/09/2020 11:52

@DeeTractor

"Be kind" = "do not say things that I do not like"
Perfect. This is all it ever was.
Brighterthansunflowers · 04/09/2020 11:52

It was only ever a hashtag. Most often used by people who didn’t ever embody it themselves.

BlueDream · 04/09/2020 12:00

@AlternativePerspective

Be kind was just a virtue signalling hashtag.

And tbh people went into hysterical overdrive after Caroline Flack committed suicide, why I actually have no idea.

It is tragic whenever anyone feels they have no other choice but to end their own life, but equally it’s possible to separate the act from the individual. I’m sure the people spouting #beKind were the same people who judged Caroline Flack on social media for the accusations which had been made against her. Those accusations didn’t suddenly become null and void just because she ended her life. To suggest that everything previous should be forgotten because of it is sheer hypocrisy.

Completely agree.
Original poster
Bekindnotabully · 04/09/2020 17:29

This is very grim that so many of you don't agree with something as simple as be kind to each other.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 04/09/2020 17:33

Wasn’t the “be kind” thing first used by Caroline Flack? The woman accused of violence was then upset when the media reported it and people were shocked and horrified by what it was alleged she did?
So I can be violent and if you comment on that then you’re a bad person who isn’t kind.
It’s only ever used by people being called out on their nastiness.
No one who is actually kind and thoughtful in RL feels the need to tell others to be kind on social media. Confused

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/09/2020 17:37

@Wolfiefan

Wasn’t the “be kind” thing first used by Caroline Flack? The woman accused of violence was then upset when the media reported it and people were shocked and horrified by what it was alleged she did? So I can be violent and if you comment on that then you’re a bad person who isn’t kind. It’s only ever used by people being called out on their nastiness. No one who is actually kind and thoughtful in RL feels the need to tell others to be kind on social media. Confused
I typed this up like 4 times and didn't dare to post it.

As sad as any unnecessary death it... Yeah.

NailsNeedDoing · 04/09/2020 17:40

I hear you OP. Be kind might have been just a hashtag for lots of people, but it had meaning for some people and I liked it! I also liked it at the start of lockdown when a few optimistic people were talking about how the world might be a kinder place on the other side of the pandemic.

Sadly the overall lockdown/Covid thing has been tough for people, even those who haven’t been badly or obviously affected, as well as massively dividing opinions, and it’s human nature for people to be less kind if they’re stressed themselves.

You are right though, kindness matters Flowers

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/09/2020 17:41

@Bekindnotabully

This is very grim that so many of you don't agree with something as simple as be kind to each other.
People don't disagree that being kind is a good thing.

People do usually disagree with the "be kind" for reasons above. If someone regularly bullies others online, should people be kind and not say anything?

Kindness received is like respect in my opinion. It's not an automatic right, it's earned. If you are not kind, people don't have to be kind to you.

NailsNeedDoing · 04/09/2020 17:41

There was a be kind message going about way before Caroline Flack, she just gave it more publicity.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 04/09/2020 17:41

No I don't agree with "be kind". If you're being a dick, making bad choices or treating people like shit the last thing you need is 'awww hun be kind'. Not all of us signed up to that bullshit and we refuse to have it foisted upon us. Toxic positivity helps nobody.

Wearywithteens · 04/09/2020 17:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

FelicityPike · 04/09/2020 17:42

It was a pile of patronising shite anyway. A means for folk to excuse others bad behaviour.
I also agree with @Wolfiefan

waxofffff · 04/09/2020 17:58

Treating others as you would like to be treated is much more useful I find.

waxofffff · 04/09/2020 17:59

@Bekindnotabully so do you think we should all be kind to Trump?

Pepperwort · 04/09/2020 18:02

"Be kind" was only ever an excuse for the most violent animals on the planet, human males, to force human women back into being doormats.

rarotonga2 · 04/09/2020 18:03

The genuinely kind people I know didn't need a hash tag to make them so. Those who jumped on the #bekind bandwagon were easily going to fall straight off and go back to nasty and spiteful behaviour. Unfortunately.

Emeraldshamrock · 04/09/2020 18:03

No. Those who are kind will always be kind, those that decide to be kind after the horrendous death of Caroline Flack won't change for long.

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