Contributing to niece's uni costs

[Onionpeeler]

I've been asked to pay £120/month for my niece for her living expenses while she's at uni. She has a younger sister who will also probably go to uni so I'll probably be asked for that too. I don't earn a huge amount so I'm not that keen. I don't have my own kids though so am I being tight? AIBT?

@AdoraBell

Haven’t RTFT, but why can’t the parents support their children?

If you RTFT then you'd know why, as explained by the OP.

@KatherineJaneway

It will be pretty hard to earn £5000 a year while doing a full time course especially has there aren't many jobs around at the moment.

Must have missed something OP said she was asked to pay £120 a month, which is £1,440 per year. That can be earned at a part time job. Yes jobs are scare but she can't secure one unless she tries.

The fact that OP has been asked for £120 a month doesn't mean the niece only needs £120 a month! If she gets the minimum loan she will need a further £5,000. She may intend to get a job and potential earnings may have been taken into account but it would be very difficult to earn enough to survive without contributions if she only gets a minimum loan.

My aunt very kindly gave me £50 per month while I was at university. She offered and I gratefully accepted but would never have asked her to (and nor would my parents!) As thanks, we invited her to see me graduate as her financial support had helped! I suspect she helped my older cousin in a similar way when he was at university but we never talked about it as she asked us not to.

It was a gift, freely given with no strings attached & just out of her generosity. However she was not obliged to give that money and I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking for it YANBU, however you may want to think about whether you’d like to offer other kinds of support - as PP have said, the odd £20 or meal out or food shop. But you don’t have to - you’re not obliged!

I think this might be a cultural thing—I live in the UK but am not Briitsh, and am shocked by posters saying not to contribute! I think the bereavement is the big difference—tasing two children in that circumstance is hard, and I would not be ok with my nieces having less than they would otherwise because of their mother’s death. I find it very genuinely shocking that people say nieces are not your responsibility—if anything happened to their other parent, I imagine you would be considering stepping up as a full parent figure surely? I feel when one parent dies, it is the job of family to step up to the plate and provide what they would have tiebreaks (within reason).

People saying uni is a privilege, not a right: would you seisojky be ok with a family member not being able to get an education because their parent died? And you’d just look on and shrug? I worked my way through the whole of university, and I imagine the niece is also planning to do this? However you also have to remember (a) family will want her to have a little extra, some funds so she can also enjoy life and (b) we are in the middle of a global pandemic, part time uni jobs are really hard to get right now?? I worked in Pret in uni. They’re not just not hiring, they’re actively firing. So “get a part time job” is not as easy as you think.

However: what can you reasonably afford? And what resources in kind might you have? Eg if you live nearby, can you provide meals or furnishings? Agree the idea of a meals card is a good idea (e.g. if you could afford 100 a month for Sainsbury’s).

The only way this works is if you offered. If you didn't hell no. They should leave you the hell alone

Can't her parents support her through uni? Thats what usually happens, parents and student loans. I've never heard of an aunt being asked for support.

Oh i've just seen the bit about private school - no way should you support her through uni.

The two children got £50k each. The younger one says she is happy for her money to pay for her sixth form, two years at her school is £30k. I think the plan was for that money to be a deposit for their first home.

And that's lovely if family has enough money to meet all other costs. That's not the case here. And their money should be for things exactly like this. It's daft that your DP's would run out of money subsidizing them while they have 50k each in the bank. Tell whoever asked you that you can't afford it.

Can't her parents support her through uni? Thats what usually happens, parents and student loans. I've never heard of an aunt being asked for support.

You know, it's not a super long thread...

The fact that OP has been asked for £120 a month doesn't mean the niece only needs £120 a month! If she gets the minimum loan she will need a further £5,000. She may intend to get a job and potential earnings may have been taken into account but it would be very difficult to earn enough to survive without contributions if she only gets a minimum loan.

With 50 grand in the bank she may not qualify for a loan. But then why should she? It's enough money to see her through on its own.

More context is needed here... what's the background? Is it expected in your family/culture for instance?

I'd flat out say no to this, childless or not it's your money which presumably you work hard for.

Absolutely no.

However spending time with you, maybe a weekend staying at yours here and there night be nice for them to strengthen their bond with the women In their family. They might benefit for. Having an aunt to come to when worried about women's problems.

Do not contribute!! What a mess!! Your brother will drain your father of his money, and then you will no doubt find your father penniless at some point. Save your money for that dark day when your father has nothing to eat and has to move in with you.

The fact that OP has been asked for £120 a month doesn't mean the niece only needs £120 a month! If she gets the minimum loan she will need a further £5,000. She may intend to get a job and potential earnings may have been taken into account but it would be very difficult to earn enough to survive without contributions if she only gets a minimum loan.

Keep your hair on. I never said the niece would only incur £1440, I said OP could challenge back that she should be working part time to cover what her aunt has been asked to contribute.

There was a payout when the mum died. The two children got £50k each

Then they don't need bailing out - they can pay for their own educational costs.

@DopamineHits

The fact that OP has been asked for £120 a month doesn't mean the niece only needs £120 a month! If she gets the minimum loan she will need a further £5,000. She may intend to get a job and potential earnings may have been taken into account but it would be very difficult to earn enough to survive without contributions if she only gets a minimum loan.

With 50 grand in the bank she may not qualify for a loan. But then why should she? It's enough money to see her through on its own.

If she has 50 grand in the bank I absolutely agree it should be used for her education. I just think all the comments stating that she should work to support herself while doing a full-time degree are a bit clueless and harsh especially at the moment.

Okay... just read your replies.

What a mess!!! Its crazy that your niece is being allowed to choose to spend that money on tuition fees rather than saved for a deposit. And the pattern of parents bailing brother out sounds really unhealthy.

I still think on balance it should be a no. Its not really doing anyone any favours to keep enabling them not to take control of their own financial situation. They don't have a right to your money either. Remember that if they begin to apply guilt when you say no.

If your DB doesn’t earn much, the DD will get full maintenance loan, she may also be eligible for some bursaries from the uni. She can pick a uni in a cheaper area, plus lowest priced accommodation, which will keep costs down.

You should not have to pay, especially if the girls have both had 50k. They can use that for uni - if they want to use it for private 6th form, then that is their decision and they then have to fund themselves through uni (with jobs if the loans aren’t enough!).

What your parents do with their money is their problem, if they want to pour money at the alcoholic son, they can, but you shouldn’t feel obliged to help as well.

With 50 grand in the bank she may not qualify for a loan.

Not true - loans are based on parental income, not the students savings. My DS had maintenance loans, despite having >50k from an inheritance.

Wow wtf

No OP YANBU in anyway but your relatives certainly are

The gall of them .

It’s easy for me to judge but I haven’t been widowed or got the stress of being a parent or battling a serious addiction! It’s not easy for him. He’s tried giving up but he says he just can’t. He stops for a few days and then just goes back to it. He’s ok during the day but in the evening by about 6/7 he needs alcohol. We’ve told him to go to AA but he so far won’t go.

Why would he stop? So far, there has been no "rock bottom" for him and continuing (as a family) to pick up the financial slack for him won't do anything to encourage him to really seek help for his addiction. It sounds like he is seen as powerless and helpless, but he is the one person with the power to change this situation.

Sometimes throwing money at a problem is a good idea. This is not one of those times.

Who has asked you? Your brother, your parents or your niece?

I have one at university and we could not afford to sub him so he got the usual student loan and found a uni he could attend and live at home. So we are supporting him in that we feed him etc.... Sometimes you have to cut your cloth ...

Understand your brother is in a difficult situation but I think you would serve him and your nieces better by providing non - monetary support.

I can imagine what my childless and comfortably off brother would say if I asked for money toward DDs university costs.

As it happens, he and SIL live nearer to DD than we do so they do sometimes take her out for lunch which is generous and lovely of them.

Why does your niece need financial support at university? Unless she is studying in London, the full maintenance loan should easily cover her living costs. Is the issue that your DB earns too much for her to get the full loan? If the younger DD is paying her own school fees, why can't he afford to top up her loan?

If the issue is loss of earnings due to COVID (or his alcoholism or any other reason) so his income this year is lower than the amount on his tax return (used for assessing student finance), he can apply to SF with proof of his current income to get that corrected.

I think your DN needs your support, if not financial. The maximum top up amount is about £5k per annum so you could help her find ways to raise that money e.g. a job, looking for bursaries and scholarships, interest free overdraft (as long as her inheritance is earning interest, it is better to get an interest free overdraft rather than spend the inheritance, as long as she has a plan to pay it off before interest is due).

If her DM left her money to be used as a deposit for a house, she could start paying in £4k a year to a LISA, as could her sister (you can get them at 16). She would then get £1k a year as a bonus from the government. That would effectively allow her to spend £1k of her inheritance a year without actually losing any money.

a 100 % op thats quite rare on here