Contributing to niece's uni costs

[Onionpeeler]

I've been asked to pay £120/month for my niece for her living expenses while she's at uni. She has a younger sister who will also probably go to uni so I'll probably be asked for that too. I don't earn a huge amount so I'm not that keen. I don't have my own kids though so am I being tight? AIBT?

If you’d like to send some funds for treats on your terms then you might like this

www.sainsburysgifts.co.uk/meal_ticket_cards.html

You can top up a student’s card. Used in my extended family and small amounts much appreciated by students.

The situation sounds really hard but I think it is important to stay in control of what you spend rather than agreeing fixed amounts long term that will be hard to stop or change.

Perfect age for her to realise that life choices come with costs and responsibilities. No-one helped me through uni. I got into a lot of debt. I worked my ass off and paid it on in 5 years. The end. What is this babying of adults that we do?

Gosh, no way.
Yes, the balance of power is wrong and he's a cf.
It's not even like he's hard up and taken all that money from your parents.
He should be downright ashamed.

I like cankles Idea though. My grandma used to send me a care page with treats or a small cheque Very occasionally. I think I appreciated this gesture far more.

Bloody hell it gets worse!

Since it’s your dad suggesting a contribution could you prepare a sample budget for him showing that this level of contribution is madness

Budget

Tuition fees - paid for up front by the government Via tuition fee loan to be paid back after graduation

Accommodation Costs paid for by granny

So all niece need to pay for is books, food, transport costs, mobile phone, food and entertainment.

This could be paid for by -

Minimum maintenance loan is £4200 (assuming dads income is high). Divided by 9 (3 months uni holidays) this is £466 per month.

A part time job. When I was at uni I worked 6 hours on a Saturday but FT during uni holidays.

Contribution by dad of £120 per month or £1080 per year (based off nine months)

So without any contribution from your parent or you she already has potentially £5280 per annum or £586 per month to cover food, phone bill, entertainment, books and transport without getting a PT job. Plus the 50k depending on what has happened to this.

my brother owns two foreign properties plus the house they’re living in, but he’s got a £2k/month mortgage on that. - if he’s that desperate for cash he could sell one or both of his foreign properties.

I would also recommend that you read the link that @Saracen posted. You should then share it with the rest of your family including your DN. Your DN is an adult now and is responsible for her finances. Your DB seems to think that the finances of the each member of the family comprise some sort of community chest and he needs to understand that this is not the case. If he wants an additional £120 for his daughter, stop drinking. As if by magic, the money will be there. If he has financial problems, he could ask for a bursary for the younger daughter. That £120 is needed for your pension.

The story of the mother’s death and father’s alcoholism is a very sad one.

However, I don’t think throwing money at this problem will solve anything. The family have had plenty of money, what with the father’s (presumably high) income, the 100k payout and the property portfolio. I agree that everyone needs to stop enabling your brother, and to encourage him to tackle his issues instead.

@Happynow001, I think you're right about financial advice being a good idea.

The £50k that the girls inherited should have been properly tied up in a trust, with family members as trustees. Using £50k to fund private 6th form is crazy imo. Loads of kids go from GCSEs in private schools to an FE college to do A-levels, rather than stay at the independent school and imo it's good for them.

That £50k apiece could have worked so much better for them. My DSS inherited a £40k trust fund at 5, and by the time he was 22, it was worth £120k which was a 50% deposit on a house. At 30, he has £300k in equity, something which most kids can only dream of.

I'm guessing you're not old enough to remember Zammo on Grange Hill but to quote "Just say no"
I'm glad you've found a sounding board on here but you knew/know the dysfunctional cycle your family is in has to stop but even if it doesn't you need to step out of it.

Your neice doesn't need your money. .

Other people may want you to give her money...that's something different.. as a freelancer u must save

I hope you have politely declined the request.

If he stopped drinkinhbyhat would prob be your share. I suspect drinking is more important and if you pay he can keep drinking.

You can't negotiate with someone who has an addiction. Just say no.

He’s saying he wants the best for his children in terms of school and education and I totally get that, especially if they’ve had a difficult time losing their mother. However, he needs to tackle his addition before putting his hand out and asking others to prioritise his children when he refuses to do so himself.

What! Who has asked you. The cheeky fucker. Of course your answer should be no.

I might be inclined to buy a new laptop for the niece, and then state that is your sole contribution to her time at uni. We put ds through a BA and an MA without loans, but his allowance was greatly reduced in the holidays as he was home, and had no need to buy food etc.

Ok i would say no it is not down to you there are grants available aswell and she could pick up a part time job if her accommodation is paid for if you do it for this one you will have to do it for the next

As a side note, all those people suggesting “DN can get a job,” it’s not likely she will.

Retail and hospitality jobs were the usual, and both are in free-fall. 580 applicants for a bar manager, 1000 for a restaurant receptionist, 500 for a 16h job in a shop.

Not many of this cohort of students are likely to find work, especially without experience and local knowledge (as they arrive in university cities for the first time.)

It’s going to be very hard for them.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/business-53528653

No.

[quote Feedingthebirds1]@Onionpeeler

Is your brother the golden child as far as your parents/father are/is concerned? It would certainly explain why he has such a sense of entitlement.

It sounds like your parents have given him so much money that they now have none, and your dad has decided that you're the next cashpoint. He doesn't get to decide how you spend your money. And if your brother has other properties, the mortgages may make it seem complicated but y'know - sell one.

That his wife dies young is sad, and it was reasonable to help him get back on his feet financially and emotionally, but it isn't an excuse to freeload off others forever.

As others have said, put the money into your pension. Assuming from what you've written about your brother and the age of his children, you're a fair way away from retirement yourself. What you put in now will make a considerable difference to your pension pot when it's needed.[/quote]
I don’t think he’s the golden child? He’s the first born! He’s obviously got a lot of narcissistic attributes but he’s not purposefully mean to anyone. He’s not a bully in that sense, I’ve actually heard him stand up for people getting bullied, but the way he pressures my parents into giving them his money, that’s abusive. It’s such a shame because he’s good at his job and he loves his kids but something’s gone really wrong for him.

The only way I could think it feasible is if you're investing in your DN's future as a high earner and she is going to pay you back (plus interest!).

BUT she can just get a loan like 95% of other undergraduates. If her other grandmother is going to pay her accommodation she will have enough to live on, even if her loan from SFE is the minimum.

It’s going to be very hard for them.

There will still be student jobs available, though it will probably be harder than before. Universities often employ students to be ambassadors and do various other jobs too, and there will also be seasonal work available in many towns. But getting a student loan ought to be her first step - it's utterly deluded not to do that. And if she only gets the minimum amount, that means her father can afford to top it up.

If she's studying Economics perhaps her first lesson ought to be that her family's economic model is seriously dysfunctional.

Sorry @WendyHoused but part time jobs are a plenty you just have to look not all bars and retail but softplays mainly take on students the local one to me has around 4 jobs also takeaways always need staff its about going out there and looking

Thanks for the link @Saracen

Definitely read the link by Saracen

I don’t think my dad wants her to have a massive debt

This is like saying don't ever buy a house because that too is debt. My friend thought that student debt was not considered a good debt and talked her daughter out of going to university. My friend didn't go to uni, I did and had student loans, all paid. I saw it as an investment in my future.

If you look at the table on MSE website it shows how little you pay back depending on your earnings.

If she's studying Economics perhaps her first lesson ought to be that her family's economic model is seriously dysfunctional.

😂 True, dat!