Page 11 | Contributing to niece's uni costs

Onionpeeler · 2020-09-04T08:17:56+00:00

I've been asked to pay £120/month for my niece for her living expenses while she's at uni. She has a younger sister who will also probably go to uni so I'll probably be asked for that too. I don't earn a huge amount so I'm not that keen. I don't have my own kids though so am I being tight? AIBT?

VacMan · 04/09/2020 13:31

He’s asked me why don’t I sell my house (which I currently rent out) and buy a holiday home in Cornwall for everyone to use. It’s just weird isn’t it.

Ha ha batshit. Don't enable him OP, he can sell his assets.

More fool you if you go along with all of this.

WhoAmIWhoAreYou · 04/09/2020 13:31

It sounds very complicated and If it was my niece, I would do the same. However, if you can't be sure you'll have the work, you can't agree to it. Please don't sell your house to buy a family home !!

TwoFlatWhitesToWakeUp · 04/09/2020 13:32

I'm sorry about your SIL but I'm sure you would like your own family and DC to spend your money on. I don't see why someone who is single or has no DC should have to spend their money on other peoples children.

justilou1 · 04/09/2020 13:34

They're all very fucking entitled.... and enmeshed. Don't do it! He might just promise to go to AA, but he won't go.... The girls need to sort their own shit out or they won't adult up either. She sounds bright, but rather spoiled too, tbh..,

LakieLady · 04/09/2020 13:35

Bloody hell, the entitlement gets worse.

DN is getting £7.5k from maternal granny, may still have £50k inheritance, is likely to have a successful career and STILL her father thinks his family should stump up another £5.2k a year while he has properties overseas that he could either sell or get an income from (ok, I know that "overseas" is a big place and "properties" could be anything from a shack to a Venetian palazzo, but still...).

And the bit about selling the property that brings the OP an income has just reaffirmed by opinion that he's a cheeky fucker, and a feckless one at that.

HerculePoirotsGreyCells · 04/09/2020 13:35

Op this'll be the first of many handouts. He's been enabled all this time, please don't continue that trend.

Minimumstandard · 04/09/2020 13:35

If he can't afford to pay for your niece's university, your brother needs to sell his properties abroad. Or she can take out the maximum loans and get a job. If you're feeling very generous, maybe offer to buy her a new laptop. But not your child, not your responsibility.

Tbh, your brother sound bloody entitled. He needs to get his beak out of your financial affairs and sort out his own so he can support his daughters. I wouldn't get roped into giving a penny (except generous gifts straight to niece) because you don't know where it will end.

Didkdt · 04/09/2020 13:36

No just no
Your dad needs to stop enabling your brother
You need to stay well back
Your niece isn't the only bright young thing off to uni hoping for a good career at the end of it, lots of them will be motivated to do well to pay off debts incurred, she has options including going for careers with golden handshakes that pay loans or tuition on joining or using some of her inheritance to invest in her future.
Your parents and your brother seem to think you are a doormat. Effectively your nieces have in savings what you earn in a year and tge suggestion is you give them money....

DoubleDolphin · 04/09/2020 13:37

They are either not giving you the full info or none of them have been to any of the student talks about funding, that every uni does. Everyone takes out the loan and maintenance grant. I'm presuming shes took out the loan for fees but not the grant? She has to pay both back, unless you live in Wales, but it's more like a tax. Everyone is advised not to use savings or family money to pay for it because there is a chance you might not have to pay it all back. It's just silly to pay it and not take the loans. This is either a very tall story or you are all very silly or un knowledgeable.

giletrouge · 04/09/2020 13:38

Ok, he's been bereaved and deserves your sympathy, but the level of his entitlement is insane and deserves your derision and wrath OP.
Anything you concede and give him reinforces his thought that he's worthy of your monetary support, that you somehow owe him. He's a sibling and he owns two foreign properties, you owe him precisely zilch, and the sooner you make this abundantly clear the sooner he has the opportunity to realise what an arse he's being. Give a penny and you're enabling him. You need to stop enabling him right now.

notapizzaeater · 04/09/2020 13:39

We out earn my brothers kids (twins) substantially - they are off to college this month we've set up a standing order for £20 each each month, not a lot but enough for a coffee and a pizza with friends. There is no way In hell my brother would have asked. There's no way I would pay £120 a month. Your brother is mad not wanting them to be in debt at the end, that's how most uni kids work. So his kids (who have blown a wedge of money) are debt free but your parents haven't any money left and you've not got a pension!

Newkitchen123 · 04/09/2020 13:42

Absolutely no way!

LakieLady · 04/09/2020 13:44

It is, I think he thinks we’re all his servants. But that’s just how his brain works. Even if I had a row with him he still wouldn’t get it

Yet 99% of people who've voted on this thread think YANBU in not wanting to do this. He's batshit.

Original poster

Onionpeeler · 04/09/2020 13:45

Thanks all. This has helped me get things clear in my mind. I wish I had a few mumsnetters in my family. The balance of power is all wrong. I can’t talk to friends about this so has been so helpful.

OP posts:

THisbackwithavengeance · 04/09/2020 13:46

Imagine the cheek of seeking charity from relatives and university bursaries when you have a child in private school.

The entitlement!

Minimumstandard · 04/09/2020 13:47

Look, if you have this money to spare, put it in a savings account for your own DC (who haven't blown through a chunk of cash).

Happynow001 · 04/09/2020 13:49

I have got a horrible feeling the other £50k has gone. But my brother owns two foreign properties plus the house they’re living in, but he’s got a £2k/month mortgage on that.
Do you think your DB has squandered his child's £50K?

Maybe if he sells his overseas properties he could fund his children the way he wants to, without being bailed out by you and his parents, he could pay back your parents who sound as though they need the money more.

Also, perhaps your brother and father - who seems mainly to be driving this - should take some proper professional financial advice about the best way to fund himself and his children for the future, rather than this kindly meant but possibly kneejerk reaction. Perhaps then other avenues for help could be found which they have not considered.

None of those other avenues include you, OP. Your priority is to ensure you CAN retire reasonably comfortably and not have to work longer than you need/want to, so putting the maximum you can into your pension.

I'm assuming you've been paying NI so eligible for a State pension? If not you may need to consider topping that up.. check on the www.gov.uk or www.which.co.uk 🌹

ArnoldBee · 04/09/2020 13:50

I guess the question becomes when does it all stop? Yes its very sad that their mother died however there are thousands of children out there whose lives have had more challenges. Your brother needs to take responsibility for himself and at the momdnt your parents are enabling his addiction. What happens when its the first house? First job? Children or wedding? At some point someone has to say no or this is what we are prepared to offer.

Feedingthebirds1 · 04/09/2020 13:52

@Onionpeeler

Is your brother the golden child as far as your parents/father are/is concerned? It would certainly explain why he has such a sense of entitlement.

It sounds like your parents have given him so much money that they now have none, and your dad has decided that you're the next cashpoint. He doesn't get to decide how you spend your money. And if your brother has other properties, the mortgages may make it seem complicated but y'know - sell one.

That his wife dies young is sad, and it was reasonable to help him get back on his feet financially and emotionally, but it isn't an excuse to freeload off others forever.

As others have said, put the money into your pension. Assuming from what you've written about your brother and the age of his children, you're a fair way away from retirement yourself. What you put in now will make a considerable difference to your pension pot when it's needed.

diddl · 04/09/2020 13:54

You know what, if I could afford my niece's uni fees I would.

But I can't.

It really is that simple.

Sounds as if her dad could afford it though-if he put his mind to it!

Saracen · 04/09/2020 13:56

I guess everything could be covered by loan but I don’t think my dad wants her to have a massive debt.

Perhaps he doesn't understand how student loans work. I think it is a misnomer and "graduate tax" is a better way to think of it. Unless your niece becomes a very high earner, she will never pay back all of the "loans". For most young people it will make sense to grab as much "loan" as they can. They will have to pay some back, but much of it is free money from the government.

Have a good read of this if your brother isn't able or willing to learn about the subject. It could save your whole family a lot of money. www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes/

mrsbyers · 04/09/2020 13:58

I pay £40 a week to mine during term time but I volunteered that - if I’d been asked I wouldn’t have been happy at all

LEELULUMPKIN · 04/09/2020 13:58

Just when you think you have read/heard it all on the CFery front along comes a story such as yours OP.

I am absolutely gobsmacked and so sorry for the way you are being treated by your family.

PLEASE, PLEASE stand your ground and say a big fat NO!

Happynow001 · 04/09/2020 14:01

@Onionpeeler

Thanks all. This has helped me get things clear in my mind. I wish I had a few mumsnetters in my family. The balance of power is all wrong. I can’t talk to friends about this so has been so helpful.

Good luck. And stand firm!!

mrpumblechook · 04/09/2020 14:01

@Onionpeeler

My dad is suggesting me, my mum and him all pay £120/month each - I don’t know why he’s chosen that figure. That’s for living costs. The course will be paid by student loan and luckily her maternal grandma is paying £7,500 accommodation costs. I guess everything could be covered by loan but I don’t think my dad wants her to have a massive debt. She’s a clever girl, she’s doing economics and is keen to have a successful career.

I have got a horrible feeling the other £50k has gone. But my brother owns two foreign properties plus the house they’re living in, but he’s got a £2k/month mortgage on that. It’s all very complicated. I think he has assets but a ton of debt. I wish we could do some kind of intervention and let my parents take over, he’s just not making a good job of things.

I could afford it to be honest, I earn about £50k/year but I’m self employed and don’t have a pension so I’m saving for that plus I’m not guaranteed work.

Maybe I could agree to it on condition he goes to AA. I think I’m annoyed with him about taking his family for granted more than paying out the money.

He’s asked me why don’t I sell my house (which I currently rent out) and buy a holiday home in Cornwall for everyone to use. It’s just weird isn’t it.

If the maternal grandmother is paying for the maintenance costs then the maintenance loan covers everything else. Your niece doesn't need more money. Your dad is being ridiculous. If your brother has taken 50 K without your nieces permission she can sue him for it at a later date.