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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pursue a relationship with my boss?

124 replies

Bwhistky · 02/09/2020 18:21

I think he likes me. He's giving off somewhat obvious signals but I could be misreading them. I deeply like him. I'm 99% sure that he is single and I plan to move to to a different company within the next few months. AIBU to start subtly flirting and see where it goes?

OP posts:
doopdeepduup · 02/09/2020 18:22

I personally wouldn't. I would wait until you leave.

PicsInRed · 02/09/2020 18:23

Subtle flirting like the bend and snap?

Gingernaut · 02/09/2020 18:24

You'd be an idiot. Ignore the 'obvious signals' and keep work and personal life completely seperate.

IHaveBrilloHair · 02/09/2020 18:24

No, it won't end well.
If he does like you, he still will when you've changed jobs and he's no longer your boss

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 02/09/2020 18:26

If you are definitely leaving and he is definitely single, sure.
Otherwise probably not a good idea.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 02/09/2020 18:27

Errr wait until you leave!!!

managedmis · 02/09/2020 18:30

Yup, get flirtin'

Poppyismyfavourite · 02/09/2020 18:53

Flirt a bit but don't let it go any further, then ask him out after you leave!

user18534687433234 · 02/09/2020 18:54

Nope.

Notapheasantplucker · 02/09/2020 18:56

This is never going to end well

motherofdxughters · 02/09/2020 18:57

You'd be an idiot. Wait until you leave or leave earlier if possible.

alexdgr8 · 02/09/2020 18:57

are you quite young. to even ask this question suggests a lack of experience. you could get into great difficulty; professionally and personally.
avoid.
never get involved with someone at work, esp a senior.

Redbirds · 02/09/2020 18:57

I would try to find out more about him first like is he definitely single. I wouldn't flirt until I was almost out of the door it's unprofessional and could backfire.

Sexnotgender · 02/09/2020 18:57

I’d certainly pause before I went headfirst in. The only one this will end badly for is you.

Original poster
Bwhistky · 02/09/2020 18:59

Not especially young, I'm in my early twenties. Our relationship is really informal but I would make sure not to be too obvious about my interest in case he's not interested in me

OP posts:
ekidmxcl · 02/09/2020 19:00

It’s a cliche for a reason OP
Watch out

Windinmyhair · 02/09/2020 19:00

Does he know you plan to leave?

Is he a similar age to you?

I would wait until you are about to leave (last day) suggest a drink and go from there

Original poster
Bwhistky · 02/09/2020 19:04

He does know I plan to leave. He's 30 so a few years older. I think the drink suggestion could work!

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 02/09/2020 19:05

Would you really want to date a guy who’d abuse their position to flirt with or sleep with one of their team?

Original poster
Bwhistky · 02/09/2020 19:10

He hasn't abused his position! He's never made me feel remotely uncomfortable

OP posts:
Graphista · 02/09/2020 19:10

Op you ARE so very young and it sounds inexperienced.

Ever heard the expression "don't shit where you eat?"

Well this scenario is EXACTLY what it refers to.

It's unprofessional, potentially reputation damaging (yours not his! He has nothing to lose in reality) and potentially seriously career harming.

Relationships started in this way rarely work out and even after leaving his company you could be dependent on his reference for some years yet.

Step away and maintain a professional, civil but impersonal relationship.

calipo · 02/09/2020 19:11

I say go for it.. If you're leaving soon then you don't really have anything to lose but maybe wait until a few weeks before you do leave so if it goes tits up it won't affect your last few months at work!

Char2020 · 02/09/2020 19:14

You have nothing to lose if you are already leaving. I wouldn’t advise doing anything until you have left and already got a written reference from him but after that, if he is defo single then why not

nosswith · 02/09/2020 19:15

Don't go there whilst you work there.

DarkMintChocolate · 02/09/2020 19:15

DH was my manager - we’ve been married 34 years! We did know I was leaving, as it’s normal after doing the final exams to seek different experience! Also, at the time, many of the staff were having an affair with someone else in the firm. Two of the partners divorced their 1st wife to marry a colleague, so they couldn’t complain!